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Old 10-10-2012, 11:49 AM   #41
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Re: Selfish with your baby

Do some moms hold their babies 24-7? I don't. I don't want to. I want to snuggle for awhile, then put them down for awhile and get some work done, snuggle for awhile, put them down for awhile, etc. I don't have that kind of time any day of the week.

I've always gladly passed my baby to others, too. The only time I cringe is when old cigarrette hands MIL is around and I'm not sure if she's washed or not. She only forgot once, but it wrecked it for me. When people are over, I am balls to the wall busy with housework or whatever I can get done w hile someone else cuddles the baby.

I've also never had anyone try to soothe my babies. Seems like if they cried, they have always been returned to me. I have soothed other people's babies, though. Mom was busy, so I gave her a break. Never occurred to me that their moms would be upset.

I do think it's a child's personality that determines how they take to strangers and such, but I've always tried to balance the fine line between holding enough and holding too much because I cannot have a child attached to me 24-7 and if it prevents stranger anxiety, that's great, too.

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Old 10-10-2012, 12:01 PM   #42
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I held her all the time, I baby wore and did chores. Rarely do I put my babies down. HEHE
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Old 10-10-2012, 12:13 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by badmisterkitty
Do some moms hold their babies 24-7? I don't. I don't want to. I want to snuggle for awhile, then put them down for awhile and get some work done, snuggle for awhile, put them down for awhile, etc. I don't have that kind of time any day of the week.

I've always gladly passed my baby to others, too. The only time I cringe is when old cigarrette hands MIL is around and I'm not sure if she's washed or not. She only forgot once, but it wrecked it for me. When people are over, I am balls to the wall busy with housework or whatever I can get done w hile someone else cuddles the baby.

I've also never had anyone try to soothe my babies. Seems like if they cried, they have always been returned to me. I have soothed other people's babies, though. Mom was busy, so I gave her a break. Never occurred to me that their moms would be upset.

I do think it's a child's personality that determines how they take to strangers and such, but I've always tried to balance the fine line between holding enough and holding too much because I cannot have a child attached to me 24-7 and if it prevents stranger anxiety, that's great, too.
I was always happy to pass them off to DH, my mom, and certain friends - but other people? Not so much. My MIL had a habit of saying things like "Oh, you don't need Mommy, Grandma's here now!" when my itti-bitties were crying. Lol, made me crazy.
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Old 10-10-2012, 12:14 PM   #44
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I usually don't put my babies down unless they are sleeping until they start working on being mobile. They have all had reflux and are pretty miserable when they are not upright, so I wear them a lot and it's no big deal.

Out in public or when guests are over, it's not so much that *I* want to hold them (though I do!) as that I don't feel comfortable with other people holding them. It's not rational thought most of the time, but an intense uncontrollable feeling of uneasiness. Almost like I feel like a part of me is missing when they are with someone else.

I think I get so attached while pregnant that it really feels like a part of me is on the other side of the room and I really am not comfortable with that. The only exception is when my husband is holding the babies it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Probably because they are a part of him too

FWIW, my held all of the time kids are EXTREMELY independent. Once they were 18 months and older they never cry when I leave them at grandparents or with babysitters, my 5 year old didn't even care to say goodbye to me on his first day of preschool and I had to actually get his attention to let him know I hoped he would have a nice day!

I don't think there is a right and wrong in this, and I don't think anyone is saying it is "better" to hold your baby all of the time, but I get the vibe some people really think that it is "better" to pass the baby off to others and I am not sure I agree with that if it makes mom and/or baby uncomfortable.
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Old 10-10-2012, 12:17 PM   #45
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Re: Selfish with your baby

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Originally Posted by badmisterkitty View Post
Do some moms hold their babies 24-7? I don't. I don't want to. I want to snuggle for awhile, then put them down for awhile and get some work done, snuggle for awhile, put them down for awhile, etc. I don't have that kind of time any day of the week.

I've always gladly passed my baby to others, too. The only time I cringe is when old cigarrette hands MIL is around and I'm not sure if she's washed or not. She only forgot once, but it wrecked it for me. When people are over, I am balls to the wall busy with housework or whatever I can get done w hile someone else cuddles the baby.

I've also never had anyone try to soothe my babies. Seems like if they cried, they have always been returned to me. I have soothed other people's babies, though. Mom was busy, so I gave her a break. Never occurred to me that their moms would be upset.

I do think it's a child's personality that determines how they take to strangers and such, but I've always tried to balance the fine line between holding enough and holding too much because I cannot have a child attached to me 24-7 and if it prevents stranger anxiety, that's great, too.
This is me. But, I might have a slightly different take than some moms after having my first be severely colicky and needing those breaks and then having 2 sets of twins and only being one mom.

But, I am happy to let other people hold my babies. Obviously, I hold my babies more than anyone else, including hubby. I am glad for the break, personally. Of course, I don't gladly give them to someone who is sick or reeking of smoke nor do I give them easily to strangers. But, I happily let family or friends hold baby.

I also don't have a problem with someone else trying to soothe my baby. Doesn't bother me in the least. If baby doesn't calm quickly, I definitely take them back.
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Old 10-10-2012, 12:32 PM   #46
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I have no issue with others holding the baby but I HATE when MIL or SIL tries to soothe thhem. They will purposely walk away so I can't take them back. Once at a wedding when DD was 4 months she walked off and then I couldn't find her. After about 15 inutes she appears from a hallway screaming her head off and MIL is all, "I don't know why she won't stop crying". Um maybe because you are basically a stranger to her and she has no idea where her mommy is! You can be sure if I'm holding a baby and he starts crying or fussy they go straight back to the parents. Why would I think I could soothe a child better than their mother or father?
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Old 10-10-2012, 01:42 PM   #47
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Re: Selfish with your baby

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I'm gonna have to say screw family here. Not their baby. Mom and dad decide how it is, end of story. I don't care if my wanting to protect my baby and keep him close upsets you. That is how it should be.

Op- in case it isn't obvious, I think your feelings are normal. Don't feel obligated to hand over the baby.
I dont know if you are referring to my SIL's case or OP's case.If you are talking about my SIL, then asking my family to screw off would be the most ungrateful thing to say. She'd have been very hard put if she didnt have us around to take care of her post partum. I just read the entire thread and Im guessing its a cultural difference, but the number of moms possessive about their infants is shocking to me.

"protect my baby"......does family holding the baby for a few mins automatically mean that they are out to harm him? Why not see the big picture that the family wants to adore the cuteness of your baby? That they are not out to separate the mom from the baby/lessen the bond. In some cases, I see that they do try to say an off handed comment/they are smokers/sick. Otherwise, I would love for my kids to have that connection with relatives so early on.
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Old 10-10-2012, 01:51 PM   #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bhavana
"protect my baby"......does family holding the baby for a few mins automatically mean that they are out to harm him? Why not see the big picture that the family wants to adore the cuteness of your baby? That they are not out to separate the mom from the baby/lessen the bond. In some cases, I see that they do try to say an off handed comment/they are smokers/sick. Otherwise, I would love for my kids to have that connection with relatives so early on.
It's not necessarily rational. I couldn't relax if I couldn't see/hear first DD, no matter whose arms she was in. I'm a bit more chill about second DD, so I suspect there was some postpartum anxiety crud happening the first time (after a long & difficult labor). But I mean I literally could not relax my body if I was worried DD#1 was crying in my mom's arms...and she cried all the time (turned out she had reflux).
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Old 10-10-2012, 01:51 PM   #49
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I love the squishy small baby age. A baby that little is pure joy, and since I live with my babies 24/7, I'm happy to share the new baby joy with others. Obviously things like being sick or smelling like smoke aren't okay, but most people aren't like that. I love watching the joy that my small squishy baby brings to others.
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Old 10-10-2012, 02:07 PM   #50
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I was/am with both of my babies. I'm having a small panic attack just reading this thread!
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