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Old 10-09-2012, 08:57 PM   #31
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Re: OCTOBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

Ok, I have more time to type now

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we are having a very hard time bonding with our dfs. he is a really hard baby. i really, really hope dfs is RU eventually. I do not want to be faced with the question of adopting him because at this point i don't think we could.

Someone recently told me not to spend any time worrying/thinking about something that I don't have to worry/think about yet! That helped me a lot. Right now you are not faced with this decision so don't spend any seconds wasting time on whether you would adopt him or not. Because what you would do right now doesn't matter anyway. If it comes to that decision there will be a lot more time and experience for you to consider.

he screams whenever he sees food or drink even if he just ate. he screams for the next bite when he hasn't even swallowed yet.

This makes me so sad Sounds like he doesn't count on that he will be fed. I think this may have played a part for my dd2. She was formula fed on schedule and screamed all the time no matter what. And we quit feeding her at night way too early because our dd1 quit waking up at night on her own at two months old so we didn't know any better. I am sure there were times she was hungry and didn't get fed because we didn't know since she was always screaming anyway. She still screams like a fire alarm; it's her first and immediate reaction to any negative. She was meth exposed in utero. I don't think your social worker would necessarily have any idea unless they've been working with her on a case plan since before birth with consistent drug testing.

he barfs a lot, even on reflux meds.

Probiotics helped my son a lot with reflux if you haven't tried that yet.

and if someone asked me today if i would take him knowing what i know i probably would still say yes because man i can't look at him and not want to protect him. i guess that means i am bonded a little bit. its just so hard. i'm bad at this.

You are not bad at this. You are great at this.

I feel much better today.

So glad to hear that!

Thank you so much for this! I don't think it is sensory but more of an attachment/psychological issue. I plan on bringing all of this up to the ped so hopefully she will have some advice. My gut feeling is that it is just attention seeking and exacerbated by feeding issues, teething issues, sleeping issues etc. it all fits in with neglect and so much moving around.

That sounds totally right.

My hope is that when things calm down he will realize that he is safe, will be fed, etc. he will calm down. for all he knows he will be going to a strange new home tomorrow kwim?

This. I will pray he starts feeling some reassurance and security sooner rather than later.

I haven't been wearing him as much as I should because I'm having daily migraines and I have shoulder pain due to fibromyalgia. I powered through this morning and wore him and it made all the difference in the world.

What kind of carrier do you have? Have you tried different kinds to find which is the most comfortable/least painful for you? The carrier makes a big difference for me as far as back/shoulder pain.

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Old 10-09-2012, 09:13 PM   #32
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Re: OCTOBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

thanks so much mama! lots of wise advice. do you use any particular brand of probiotics? is there any special kind for babies? my fav carrier is my himmel mei tai. when dd was a baby i was a wrapper but dfs is so wild i wouldn't feel comfortable back wrapping him myself. dd was so easy since she was wrapped right from birth, i lifted her up to my back and she just laid there and waited patiently for me to get my carry perfect! until she was about 2 and it was all over she just wanted to run! if i'm really honest with myself i think my babywearing muscles are weak and i need to build up my strength again. today was a very good day for us, i wore him all day long. seriously! he did very well. sweeping, mopping and vacuuming might not have been a good choice lol but it was worth it. i will probably pay for it tomorrow but we have a busy day out and about so he won't have much time for sitting still and fussing.

thanks so much for your kind words everyone!
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Old 10-10-2012, 03:08 PM   #33
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Re: OCTOBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

We are headed back to the hospital tomorrow. Hopefully not to stay. They want us to meet with GI now because his stool tests came back abnormal. Boo. We found out about the test yesterday and then the nurse called first thing this morning and said we needed to come in today or tomorrow, so they clearly think it's a pressing enough issue that it needs looked into right away. No one has given us any indication of what exactly they are worried about or what may be wrong.
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:21 PM   #34
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Re: OCTOBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

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Old 10-10-2012, 05:01 PM   #35
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Re: OCTOBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

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No we arent considering disruption at all. Just wanting to vent. My whole family thinks hes the sweetest most good natured cuddle bug ever, and he can be, but he has been such a terror lately! My mom keeps saying she had never heard him scream, I guess I must be lying? my dh actually calls him the tiny terrorist lol!
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Old 10-10-2012, 05:02 PM   #36
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Re: OCTOBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

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We are headed back to the hospital tomorrow. Hopefully not to stay. They want us to meet with GI now because his stool tests came back abnormal. Boo. We found out about the test yesterday and then the nurse called first thing this morning and said we needed to come in today or tomorrow, so they clearly think it's a pressing enough issue that it needs looked into right away. No one has given us any indication of what exactly they are worried about or what may be wrong.
Keep us updated
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Old 10-10-2012, 07:32 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by Beth.

I'm sorry, momma. Can I hope it's *only* celiac since you already have that figured out??

Have you finalized A's adoption? Our A has some really $$$ s/n that showed up after placement and before finalization. In our state, she easily qualified as a s/n adoption and we get MA for her. It might be worth inquiring in his birth state if you haven't finalized yet.
I will look into that. We haven't finalized.

When I hear of families wanting to adopt and they say they are avoiding foster care or SN or something, I just have to smile. You just don't know with any child what life will be! We were open to SN, thought we were being matched with a baby who would be a premie, he was born full term and healthy, and then these last 2 crazy months...
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Old 10-10-2012, 09:09 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by FindingMercy

I will look into that. We haven't finalized.

When I hear of families wanting to adopt and they say they are avoiding foster care or SN or something, I just have to smile. You just don't know with any child what life will be! We were open to SN, thought we were being matched with a baby who would be a premie, he was born full term and healthy, and then these last 2 crazy months...
Im so sorry you guys are having such a hard time! I also wish people didn't have a bias against foster/adopt for this reason! Even bio kids are no guarantee. Just seems like sometimes with domestic infant adoption people either have unrealistic expectations or are mislead purposely by the adoption industry. Obviously not you but just generally speaking.
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:50 PM   #39
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Cystic fibrosis and Schwachman-Diamond are being tested for.
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Old 10-11-2012, 03:17 PM   #40
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Omg.
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