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Old 10-11-2012, 09:30 AM   #11
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Re: Punishments Outside of the Home

when one kid is acting up and wont stop after a warning we leave immediately. it sucks for the other kids but that's just the way it is when you have multiple kids. doesnt take that many times to do it for the child to know you mean business.

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Old 10-11-2012, 09:33 AM   #12
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Re: Punishments Outside of the Home

another option like in OP situation is let the other kids stay in the play area with the friend while i take the misbehaving child out to the car for a talk
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Old 10-11-2012, 10:36 AM   #13
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Re: Punishments Outside of the Home

In that situation, I'd have either....

1.Grabbed his arm, pulled him close to my face and said "KNOCK. IT. OFF." in that gritted teeth voice. (because that was always my go to response before and it's always worked)

2. Leave dd in the play area with my friend, and taken son out to the car to sit in his carseat alone for 10 minutes. (you could sit outside the car and mess with your phone, or text someone who will talk you off the ledge)

3. If I had a stroller, his little self would have been strapped into it for the duration of the playtime... I'd have said "You are tired... you need to go to sleep...if your mood gets better, maybe you can get out of there later".
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Old 10-11-2012, 11:02 AM   #14
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My son is a few months younger and generally a super sweet kid, but he turns into a hot mess when he's tired and hungry. I think if I had been in that situation with him, I would have left my other child with my friend and taken my son somewhere quiet to cool off for 10-15 minutes, maybe tried to get him to eat something, and talked to him about appropriate behaviors before going back. If he's being blatantly disobedient in public, DS gets a time out then and there, but when there are extenuating circumstances like that, I'd rather help him get his emotions under control than punish him for not being able to control himself. Some people may think that I'm too lenient, but doing this has worked well for us the few times that DS has gone off the deep end in public.
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Old 10-11-2012, 11:21 AM   #15
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Re: Punishments Outside of the Home

i agree with asking your friend to watch your dd and taking him off somewhere else for a timeout. my son has recently gotten much better, but not that long ago he was the same about throwing fits in public, and then escalating when a timeout was instituted. timeouts at home used to be knock-down, drag-out fights that lasted 20-30 minutes while i waited for him to calm himself down. that has also gotten better, but i mean, he still has the capability to "go there". he's just a high-strung kid. timeouts work well for him now, but i'm not convinced they were always an effective tool for him. i just never found anything else that worked better. anyways, so i completely understand not wanting to do a timeout "in place" when it's just going to mean kicking, screaming, and irritating everyone around you.

when ds gets like this, i grab him by the arm and take him outside, usually half-dragging, half-carrying him cause he's kicking and screaming his head off. because once you're out of an enclosed place, it's not so irritating for everyone around you and i feel more comfortable with the scene he's making. also, if we leave the building or wherever, he perceives it as leaving, period. and it tends to make him behave quicker at the perceived threat of leaving. then he gets timeout outside. and a talking to about how it's not the right way to act. i totally understand not being able to just get up and leave for good. our time is very limited and chances are, wherever i am, whatever i'm doing, i will not be able to get back there for awhile, so we have to barrel through. anyways, that's how i would handle it, just remove him from the situation to calm down. your friend can watch your other kid
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Old 10-11-2012, 11:26 AM   #16
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Re: Punishments Outside of the Home

I agree with the other posters - if our kids act like that we make them sit away from everyone/play area until they calm down and are ready to act nicely. If he wasn't able to calm down, I would have asked the friend to watch DD so I could take him out to the car, buckle him in his seat, and have him sit in there until he calmed down and, again, was ready to return and act nicely.

I wouldn't worry too much about the screaming - it honestly doesn't bother me, as long as I see a parent dealing with the situation, kwim? It's the screaming kid when no parent is doing anything, or when the kid is acting like a terror and parents do nothing, that ticks me off.

If nothing else worked and he wouldn't calm down at all, I would unforunately have to leave and try again another time. This is a punishment for DD and yourself as well, which is the crappy part. But maybe a trip, just the 2 of you, for a special treat or something would make it up to her.
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Old 10-11-2012, 11:36 AM   #17
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Re: Punishments Outside of the Home

I make my Kids Sit in the chair directly Next to me they get 1minute Per year of time out no exceptions... If it happens a Second time they get an extra minute added if it happens again day is OVER. as for the Swatting at the face Yikes I think I might have Lost my cool i get that age and you cant really control the behavior just correct it but if it were My kid I probably would have ended playtime all together and made him or Her Sit finish their lunch and play with whatever was at the table as Hitting is Not acceptable at any age in our house and Punishment is never negotioable. Im quite strict from what Im told BUT I dont have bad behaved kids Never hit, Curse, or Bit anyone they are now 12 11 and 9 and I think its due to this way of child rearing which works for US, eventhough we got a LOT of resistance from Inlaws on both sides because of how we chose to parent. I think Do what you know works for You and what you feel comfortable with. No one knows your child like you do, their personality boundries and triggers... Im sure your LO will learn in time and as you said sounds Like just a combo of things that added up to a bad day
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Old 10-11-2012, 11:45 AM   #18
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Re: Punishments Outside of the Home

I agree, time out right there. And the only time outs that work for my kids are either nose on the wall or nose on the floor, otherwise they just goof off or continue to freak out wherever they are sitting. I've done that in the middle of the aisle at Walmart, or wherever we are.
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Old 10-11-2012, 12:09 PM   #19
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Re: Punishments Outside of the Home

Even if throwing a temper I would make ds sit next to me while the other kids played ,even if I had to hold him there while flailing, screaming, hitting until he settled down, If he doesn't calm down after a few minutes I would leave the area.
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Old 10-11-2012, 11:16 PM   #20
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Re: Punishments Outside of the Home

Yeah, maybe my kid is just unique, but there is no WAY that having him sit there - in the middle of the play area - would have amounted to anything other than a disaster. I believe he has some sensory issues too, but I know that trying to contain him in that sort of environment would have greatly escalated to a screaming, throwing-himself-on-the-floor-and-trying-to-hit-things tantrum of epic proportions.

I should have asked my friend to watch my DD so I could remove DS to somewhere more quiet. I'm not sure why that didn't occur to me. Thank you everyone for your help! This attitude didn't emerge until recently and it gets 1000x worse around mealtimes so after examining the situation I think I'm going to be more careful about when we make plans, too.......
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