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Old 10-11-2012, 06:43 PM   #151
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

I've had 1 friend tell me how gross it is to not circ Other than that, no.

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Old 10-11-2012, 07:10 PM   #152
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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Originally Posted by mandabug2 View Post
I am in a local multiples group and all the ladies are always talking about their baby boy circumcision experiences, and sometimes I feel like if I were to tell them mine weren't I would be looked at like a freak. Now on one hand I really don't care what other people think, on the other I kinda do . I guess the other thing that scares me is; are my boys going to be the odd ones out? What happens in JH and HS when they have to shower after gym?
I really feel like I made the right decision for my boys...I just hope they feel that way too!
I don't have boys but I just wanted to pipe in with something I heard on the radio the other day that gave me a chuckle: #1 unwritten guy rule- Never, ever comment on another guy's package. Ever.

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Originally Posted by *Peanut* View Post
I think what terra is saying is that many procedures would fit the strict definition of mutilation - ear piercing, mastectomies, surgeries, etc. Yet you wouldn't go up to a women who has had her breasts removed and tell her that she is mutilated. It's just plain rude. People who say they use the term mutilate simply because it fits the strict definition and for no other reason... Well, that's a bold faced lie. They use the term to purposefully make it sound awful. If someone wants to do that, it's their prerogative. I just think they should own it instead of hiding behind, "well, it fits the definition." I think that is kind of what terra is getting at.

And I for one do not think she is rude. Outspoken, yes. Rude, no.
I'm not going to lie, if someone told me that they removed healthy breast tissue from their newborn, there's a really good chance that the M-bomb would go through my head.
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Old 10-11-2012, 07:27 PM   #153
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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Originally Posted by Kirsie View Post
I don't have boys but I just wanted to pipe in with something I heard on the radio the other day that gave me a chuckle: #1 unwritten guy rule- Never, ever comment on another guy's package. Ever.



I'm not going to lie, if someone told me that they removed healthy breast tissue from their newborn, there's a really good chance that the M-bomb would go through my head.
Im curious, would the m-bomb apply to ear piercing?
Really curious, not nit picking.
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Old 10-11-2012, 07:51 PM   #154
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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Well, I'm sorry you all feel that way. Because I'm totally happy. I've just had my eyes opened in life in general and I understand that you gals are not going to see it differently as well.

I absolutely stand for what I believe in. I just happen to have re-evaulated again and I think circumcision is not a huge issue [to me IMO]. Heck I used to think people who CIO in ANY degree were abusive until I was faced with some things AND had some wonderful friends who did it and I realized nope, not abuse.

I feel very strongly about breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding [especially since I did it until my son self-weanted at 3]. BUT I've re-evaluated and feel it would be wrong of me to now say "I think every one should be forced to try for 6 weeks, and they should ban all formula bags, and they should only give out formula by prescription.

I feel strongly about the family bed and we did it until both boys transitioned on their own. However, after re-evaluating I see it really doesn't work for all people, and especially now being back at work full time I don't know if I could go back and do that again.

Basically I've just learned to each their own.

TBH maybe you gals don't like the new me because I'm not longer the stand up and hit people over the head person that I once was? I don't know of course, but say I seem not happy, well that's just silly.
And yeah, I admit, I'm pretty judgmental still, mainly against judgmental moms who refuse to live and let live. I guess if we're all allowed to be judgmental that will be my latest Who knows about the future though
It all reminds me of a quote that I read:

"When people say you've changed. What they really mean is you've stopped living your life, their way."
I'm glad you are happy, that is great! It makes a huge difference in your and your family's life to be in a better, happier, less stressed place. But, I don't think it is right for you to "lump sum" people together in one definition b/c we are still more outgoing with what we believe in. I am def. a person who knows that somethings are not meant for everyone. Believe me, I have MANY friends and all of my family members (except 1 sis in law) that parent VERY differently from me. I never mention anything to them about what they do.....obviously if they want to learn/info then they will ask. There are some things I did and didn't do with DD1 that I HUGELY regret. Did I do anything to actually harm her (fyi....never did cio) ? No. But, yes I will admit that I do regret not bf'ing longer, not bw'ing her, not cosleeping the first few months, etc. If I was more open and didn't feel like I had to listen to our society's "stigma's" of what you should do then I probably would have been more open and if I would have known about DS, then I would have realized I don't have to listen to it.

I guess I don't care about admitting my regrets and keeping them as regrets. Not just....I did what I thought was best at the time. I don't know, am I making sense?

And, for me I have never "hit people over the head" with what I believe in. Not sure if that is how you meant it. Maybe you were just describing yourself? But, then again I never got that from the "old" you either.

I wouldn't say you've changed, but you def. don't post the same. You're posts are all about "live and let live", "to each their own",..............or a bunch of kumbaya blah blah.
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Old 10-11-2012, 08:07 PM   #155
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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I'm glad you are happy, that is great! It makes a huge difference in your and your family's life to be in a better, happier, less stressed place. But, I don't think it is right for you to "lump sum" people together in one definition b/c we are still more outgoing with what we believe in. I am def. a person who knows that somethings are not meant for everyone. Believe me, I have MANY friends and all of my family members (except 1 sis in law) that parent VERY differently from me. I never mention anything to them about what they do.....obviously if they want to learn/info then they will ask. There are some things I did and didn't do with DD1 that I HUGELY regret. Did I do anything to actually harm her (fyi....never did cio) ? No. But, yes I will admit that I do regret not bf'ing longer, not bw'ing her, not cosleeping the first few months, etc. If I was more open and didn't feel like I had to listen to our society's "stigma's" of what you should do then I probably would have been more open and if I would have known about DS, then I would have realized I don't have to listen to it.

I guess I don't care about admitting my regrets and keeping them as regrets. Not just....I did what I thought was best at the time. I don't know, am I making sense?

And, for me I have never "hit people over the head" with what I believe in. Not sure if that is how you meant it. Maybe you were just describing yourself? But, then again I never got that from the "old" you either.

I wouldn't say you've changed, but you def. don't post the same. You're posts are all about "live and let live", "to each their own",..............or a bunch of kumbaya blah blah.
I get you Oh I totally admit regrets [personal ones for my own life like you]. Like wishing I would have truly tried to BF with my first among some other things.

It's weird, I've just found as my kiddos get older [no longer infants/toddlers but now children, things don't bother[?] me as much. I don't know if bother is really the right word. I can't find the right words, but basically in the grand scheme of things, for me personally again, some of the things that I was so 'do it my way' over, it didn't 'really' matter in the end. But I get that not everyone has that view.

One of the regrets that I do have and admit *is* judging people and being downright mean many times [here AND IRL]. And now it really does pain me to see some people [not all of course] getting mean. So I guess in that way, I *have* changed and want to let people know, it's okay to do what you want for your family.

And ITA 100% that my posts are more live and let live, let's sing by the campfire stuff Nothing wrong with that at all!

ETA: Meant to say, yeah I was talking about myself hitting people over the head with what I felt was right.
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:40 PM   #156
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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I get you Oh I totally admit regrets [personal ones for my own life like you]. Like wishing I would have truly tried to BF with my first among some other things.

It's weird, I've just found as my kiddos get older [no longer infants/toddlers but now children, things don't bother[?] me as much. I don't know if bother is really the right word. I can't find the right words, but basically in the grand scheme of things, for me personally again, some of the things that I was so 'do it my way' over, it didn't 'really' matter in the end. But I get that not everyone has that view.

One of the regrets that I do have and admit *is* judging people and being downright mean many times [here AND IRL]. And now it really does pain me to see some people [not all of course] getting mean. So I guess in that way, I *have* changed and want to let people know, it's okay to do what you want for your family.

And ITA 100% that my posts are more live and let live, let's sing by the campfire stuff Nothing wrong with that at all!

ETA: Meant to say, yeah I was talking about myself hitting people over the head with what I felt was right.
Ok, so I can say....oh there's Terra again singing her song..... Which is meant in the most heartfelt of way.

Yeah, the circle of friends I ran with when the kids were babies had the same parenting idea's as myself. We also had a lot of friends who had kids, but theirs were older so it wasn't like we were doing the same things at the same time. I will continue to share my stories and my thoughts, but I agree that people should do it in a nice way. Unfortunately, it is easier for people to be more "agressive" through a computer. My biggest pet peave is when people assume you think/feel one way and attack you instead of ask/make sure of your thoughts. Believe me, I've been there.....apparently I have a huge hate club who thinks I'm narrowminded, which is hilarious b/c I'm actually quite the opposite.

About your ETA:.....I had thought so.....just making sure.

And tbh, I do still cringe when I see certain parenting choices.
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:42 PM   #157
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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Originally Posted by Kirsie View Post
I don't have boys but I just wanted to pipe in with something I heard on the radio the other day that gave me a chuckle: #1 unwritten guy rule- Never, ever comment on another guy's package. Ever.



I'm not going to lie, if someone told me that they removed healthy breast tissue from their newborn, there's a really good chance that the M-bomb would go through my head.
Um yeah. DH told me that most boys don't even shower, they'll just wait until they get home, and if they do shower they aren't peeping at other guys "junk" and that most shower with their backs facing eachother.
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Old 10-11-2012, 10:21 PM   #158
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

I always find it interesting when I read a thread and I become defensive of the viewpoint opposite of my own. My son is not circumcised and I feel that I made the right decision for him. My husband and I talked about it at length and read the information that was available at the time and made the choice that we felt was right.

However, I think that that some of the statements on this thread, such as those that circumcise are intentionally mutilating their son or that there is a loss of respect for parents that make that choice are pretty harsh. I can't help but feel upset on the behalf of these parents. While it is becoming less common to circumcise, this is a fairly new thing and it takes time for these cultural changes to complete themselves.

If the intention is to be helpful and to create change, I feel this should be done by sharing information in a sensitive and tactful way. Using the word mutilation to me implies that you are intending to injure the person, that you are purposely altering their body for your own selfish purposes. I think it is clear that most parents that choose to circumcise do it because they think it is beneficial to the boy, whether or not that is correct. Things like foot binding and female circumcision are guaranteed to alter the persons ability to function. Like they are unable to walk or unable to achieve sexual pleasure at all. While it may be a risk that in a botched circumcision the boy may suffer these consequences, most will go on to live a full life that offers orgasm, offspring and normal sex-drive. The intention that drives circumcision is not malice, abuse or intentional maiming. However, I do believe the intent in giving the label 'mutilation' is to inspire guilt, hurt feelings and an overwhelming sense of regret.

Part of human nature is unfortunately to be judgmental. I am guilty of it myself. We all want to feel that our decisions are the best ones, the most educated ones, the most intelligent ones and those that don't make the same choice are somehow less than us. The drive for superiority. However, I think it is important to realize that this doesn't come from a loving place, it is not kind and compassionate to speak from this feeling and when we don't agree with others we should strive to engage in a dialogue that comes from a place of respect, genuine desire for the best outcome and a constant open-mind to receive information that we may not be aware of.

I may have chosen to leave my son uncircumcised but I know I have made many horrendous mistakes as a mother. I love my children more than I can possibly express and yet I fail on a daily basis to be what they deserve, to be the perfect mother that they really should have. Some of these failures are small and some of them I stress about for months or years. I have enough problems finding self-respect in all of my humanity, all of my inadequacy without facing people that would lose all respect for me in my errors.

I read forums to find a sense of fellowship, a sense of community with other mamas. Other mamas that make mistakes, other mamas that aren't perfect, other mamas who like me, want to be awesome for their kids and sometimes fail.

I guess I just think that there is a difference between constructive criticism and judgement. One builds, the other tears apart.
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Old 10-11-2012, 10:54 PM   #159
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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Originally Posted by sandhillcranes View Post
Im curious, would the m-bomb apply to ear piercing?
Really curious, not nit picking.
Not in my opinion but there are definitely others that feel that it does. Although, I'm certain most wouldn't put it on the same level as surgically removing healthy breast tissue.
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Old 10-12-2012, 07:18 AM   #160
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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Originally Posted by listalees View Post
I always find it interesting when I read a thread and I become defensive of the viewpoint opposite of my own. My son is not circumcised and I feel that I made the right decision for him. My husband and I talked about it at length and read the information that was available at the time and made the choice that we felt was right.

However, I think that that some of the statements on this thread, such as those that circumcise are intentionally mutilating their son or that there is a loss of respect for parents that make that choice are pretty harsh. I can't help but feel upset on the behalf of these parents. While it is becoming less common to circumcise, this is a fairly new thing and it takes time for these cultural changes to complete themselves.

If the intention is to be helpful and to create change, I feel this should be done by sharing information in a sensitive and tactful way. Using the word mutilation to me implies that you are intending to injure the person, that you are purposely altering their body for your own selfish purposes. I think it is clear that most parents that choose to circumcise do it because they think it is beneficial to the boy, whether or not that is correct. Things like foot binding and female circumcision are guaranteed to alter the persons ability to function. Like they are unable to walk or unable to achieve sexual pleasure at all. While it may be a risk that in a botched circumcision the boy may suffer these consequences, most will go on to live a full life that offers orgasm, offspring and normal sex-drive. The intention that drives circumcision is not malice, abuse or intentional maiming. However, I do believe the intent in giving the label 'mutilation' is to inspire guilt, hurt feelings and an overwhelming sense of regret.

Part of human nature is unfortunately to be judgmental. I am guilty of it myself. We all want to feel that our decisions are the best ones, the most educated ones, the most intelligent ones and those that don't make the same choice are somehow less than us. The drive for superiority. However, I think it is important to realize that this doesn't come from a loving place, it is not kind and compassionate to speak from this feeling and when we don't agree with others we should strive to engage in a dialogue that comes from a place of respect, genuine desire for the best outcome and a constant open-mind to receive information that we may not be aware of.

I may have chosen to leave my son uncircumcised but I know I have made many horrendous mistakes as a mother. I love my children more than I can possibly express and yet I fail on a daily basis to be what they deserve, to be the perfect mother that they really should have. Some of these failures are small and some of them I stress about for months or years. I have enough problems finding self-respect in all of my humanity, all of my inadequacy without facing people that would lose all respect for me in my errors.

I read forums to find a sense of fellowship, a sense of community with other mamas. Other mamas that make mistakes, other mamas that aren't perfect, other mamas who like me, want to be awesome for their kids and sometimes fail.

I guess I just think that there is a difference between constructive criticism and judgement. One builds, the other tears apart.
I think anyone that truly wants to make a difference should take this advice into consideration because throwing around insulting terms will do nothing but make me run the other way. I have a son I circed, I am not ashamed, but we are ttc and if we have another boy this poster is the one I am going to listen to when making the decision next time. If you (general) are constantly name calling and telling me I am a bad parent then your post will be the last one that I will even bother to read. So your information, no, matter how good it is, will never be taken seriously because you can't control your emotions and be respectful. Calling people baby mutilating bad parents just does sit well with most.
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