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Old 10-11-2012, 10:29 PM   #22
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Canada
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Unfortunately, if the agency agrees to the move, generally it won't go your way... and a lot of the time, that will be your last placement. Not that they will tell you that - they just won't "need" to call you anymore.

Now this part sounds underhanded but you will be doing it for the good of the baby:

Request the agency to transition slowly. Be the good foster mom and let them know she's bonded and you don't want to sever it and damage her more. The relatives need to visit at CPS, then they need to visit with you, then day visits, then overnights..... Most won't commit and will disappear before then It's too much "work". They are usually being pushed by bios, and just want to come pick her up and be done with it.

OR you could come to know them, like them and stay in touch. If you let her go badly, you'll never see her again. If you part well, and they're good people, you could be extended family.

I've had both scenarios play out. We have transitioned slowly to a bio dad (taken from
mom). It was awesome (though we had desperately wanted to adopt him) and his dad loved him SO much that even I cried happy tears when he finally picked him up for the last time to go home.

We have also fought for a foster child and lost. He was our last placement with that agency, and we closed our home after our 12yo's adoption was final in 2010.

I don't regret fighting it, and to this day 3yrs later, I still disagree with what the agency did. But, fighting it ended our fostering. And I really wasn't ready to be done.

It's do-able, and it's done everyday by families everywhere. Just be careful is all.

If you fight it, and still lose her, will you regret fighting?

If you don't fight it, will you regret doing nothing?

Those are the only questions that matter. oh shoot, that was long - sorry! lol
to my soldier since 1998!
Ontariomama is offline   Reply With Quote

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