WWYD (sensitive topic, bullying and more)

[Celeste]

Originally Posted by wordmama I'd ask the coach why he was punished before going ballistic. Honestly, my first reaction was to agree with Mom2Connor. The timing seems too coincidental that your son's misbehavior was right before the coaches punishment. If he was embarrassing others, the coach may have been giving him a taste of his own medicine. Is it fun for teens? No. But is it effective? Absolutely. Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

I also am thinking that this is a good lesson in 1.) treating others how you want to be treated (not bullying and humiliating them...now that he knows how it feels), and 2.) finishing what you start (the football season1), even if it isn't as fun as you thought it would be. I don't think he's too young for those lessons. And the latter applies to many situations in life that he may be facing soon (like in a job or volunteer position.)

[arihillfarm]

Originally Posted by Celeste I also am thinking that this is a good lesson in 1.) treating others how you want to be treated (not bullying and humiliating them...now that he knows how it feels), and 2.) finishing what you start (the football season1), even if it isn't as fun as you thought it would be. I don't think he's too young for those lessons. And the latter applies to many situations in life that he may be facing soon (like in a job or volunteer position.)

I agree with this post and the others before yours. If this had been my daughter I think my response would have been along with lines of "Don't come crying to me." When I was in high school and in JROTC (fantastic program BTW!), if we messed up either in school (behavior or grade problems) or at practice for the drill team, we spent plenty of time doing pushups or running laps on the track at high port (carrying a heavy drill team rifle overhead) in full view of everyone else on the team as well as any other teams or the band that may have been practicing at the time. Sgt. E didn't allow any outright bullying or mocking by other team members, and that's because they knew they could be next, LOL! It's VERY effective discipline and character building IF (and only if) it's done right.

-Astrid

[dagmomma]

I would find out more.

This is coming from a former coach and a wife of a former college coach.

I do not think it is right to isolate children that being said--

If your son is acting up in school and on the bus is there a possibility that he is acting up at practice too?

If a coach has a team full of kids and it is his job to teach them and with football his job to make sure they stay safe during their time with him then if there is a discipline problem then I think it is reason for punishment.

Do not want flames here just throwing out a different opinion and not sure what the proper punishment is. But if your son is acting out in all other areas I would make sure that he was not acting out at practice first before going to the coaches boss I would got to the coach first.

I would set up a meeting with the coach with your son and your dh and find out all the answers.

If you are not satisified then go to the Athletic Director (if the school has one) and then last resort principal.

Just editted to add I am not agreeing with this coaches form of discipline. And that if your son is not telling you these things happened is there a possibility he is not telling you more?

[Celeste]

Originally Posted by omgoodgravy NO! Not at 13. As a Coach you dont get to punish a kid because of something he has not control over. She said it was for missing practice not being late, sounds like Mom drops off so I am guessing a Rec program which means the Coach and school have nothing in common? OP is this program through the school? If so, I have an issue with multiple punishments meaning from the school and the football coach and the OP's post made the reason clear, they dont get it! If the Coach is punishing him because of what happening in school then he needs to say that, but from the other Mom it was for missing practice and the son agreed, so the Coach is bullying the child. Making him do something that is embarrassing while others get to laugh and watch is not COOL and downright bullying. If my kid acts like a jerk at practice (and yeah I am that parent that makes it very clear to my kid when he acts like a jerk) then yeah the Coach can lay the law down. If this was high school/college and my kid was acting this way they sure nail his tail to the wall, but that is not the vibe I get from the OP's original post. I would take him to the next practice with the promise of making things right. Have him gear up and head out with a smile on his face. I would then "pretend" to leave and have a little stakeout and see what Coach does, if things go smooth no worries, if Coach gets into bullying, make yourself known. I need to see it with my own eyes to make a determination, but seems to me that Coach thinks he can get away with it because you are not there and to fix that you need to show up, icognito works best. I would enjoy seeing him sqirm his way out of being wrong Coach that is. It takes a lot to raise a boy to a man and bullying is definitely NO WAY to do it either on the field or off!

Also, even if op's son is playing rec ball, often the coaches require the players to take a note to their teachers, so the coach and teachers can work together if there are problems at school, like missing schoolwork or bad behavior. I remember getting notes from rec coaches when I was teaching. So it's possible that op's son is getting punished in practice for his behavior at school to send the message that the adults in his life are working together to make him the best he can be. Just a thought.

[omgoodgravy]

Originally Posted by Celeste Also, even if op's son is playing rec ball, often the coaches require the players to take a note to their teachers, so the coach and teachers can work together if there are problems at school, like missing schoolwork or bad behavior. I remember getting notes from rec coaches when I was teaching. So it's possible that op's son is getting punished in practice for his behavior at school to send the message that the adults in his life are working together to make him the best he can be. Just a thought.

In my area we dont do this type of stuff. I am a teacher and I would never tell a kid they couldnt play a rec sport for many reasons. The biggest one being that we make these kids sit in a building for so many hours with minimal down time that sometimes sports are all they have to let out the frustration.
He is 13 and if it was high school I would get it, but we can all attest to the fact that we know of schools that allow the players to act however they want and not get in trouble there is always a bad crop and a good crop who dont allow such things.
I guess I find this interesting because I have read so many times on here that hitting a child is bad and it teaches a child to hit back and it causes them humiliation. So how is this any different? He was humiliating another child (its wrong and I totally get that and I would be livid to find out my son ever did such a thing) but then we allow a grown adult to do the same thing because it is sports and they carry the title of Coach?? Using the same argument I have seen here many times, it wrong no matter the age. I would think that with the Coach being in a position of power and humiliating this boy that he would being to think it is still acceptable and continue doing so just trying to get smoother about it and keeping under the radar.

[joeslittlewoman]

I would definitely meet with the coach and asst principal to make sure I had a full understanding of both situations. Get the full story, then decide on a course of action. Regardless of who is "at fault", I'm sorry your son is going through this. ((HUGS)).

[Celeste]

Originally Posted by omgoodgravy In my area we dont do this type of stuff. I am a teacher and I would never tell a kid they couldnt play a rec sport for many reasons. The biggest one being that we make these kids sit in a building for so many hours with minimal down time that sometimes sports are all they have to let out the frustration. He is 13 and if it was high school I would get it, but we can all attest to the fact that we know of schools that allow the players to act however they want and not get in trouble there is always a bad crop and a good crop who dont allow such things. I guess I find this interesting because I have read so many times on here that hitting a child is bad and it teaches a child to hit back and it causes them humiliation. So how is this any different? He was humiliating another child (its wrong and I totally get that and I would be livid to find out my son ever did such a thing) but then we allow a grown adult to do the same thing because it is sports and they carry the title of Coach?? Using the same argument I have seen here many times, it wrong no matter the age. I would think that with the Coach being in a position of power and humiliating this boy that he would being to think it is still acceptable and continue doing so just trying to get smoother about it and keeping under the radar.

I'm not necessarily defending the coach. Just saying that there are valuable lessons to be learned from being treated wrongly (how not to treat others).

[My Sweet Blessings]

So, if a kid hits a kid, it's ok for another kid to hit him... so he knows how it feels.

[Celeste]

Originally Posted by My Sweet Blessings So, if a kid hits a kid, it's ok for another kid to hit him... so he knows how it feels.

No, it's not ok. But if/when it happens, it is a good learning opportunity of what NOT to do to others. "How did you feel.when ------ hit you? You don't want to make others feel that way, so you shouldn't do that to anyone else."

I use this kind of dialogue with my kids all the time for everything from hitting to being bossy to not sharing...it's just putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Otherwise know as empathy.

[mcpforever]

I think you need to get the story from your kid and the coach. Based on how you have explained it, it looks to me as though the coach was reacting to one of his players misbehaving rather than a kid misbehaving due to how his coach treats him. Kids that age can come up with a lot of crazy mess that has zero to do with how others treat them. It's like they flip a switch and push buttons to see if we will allow them to self destruct.