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Old 10-08-2012, 04:29 AM   #21
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

I just blow my top once a month. He comes right for a week or so and then back slides. Then the cycle starts again.

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Old 10-08-2012, 06:22 AM   #22
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

What works for me personally (as a DH) is I have reminders in big paper around the house. With my ADD I can forget things two seconds later; not that I leave clothes laying all over the floor but if my focus is off I'll forget things left and right. Anyway, I have few signs around the house to remind myself; it could be as simple as putting the shoes in the right spot and separating my laundry in the bathroom.

As far as chores go I personally feel doing it together helps early in the day so the block of hours in the evening is dedicated for just family time. At least for early afternoon we try to tackle the kitchen if not my wife will be doing laundry. By early evening we'll get dinner ready and try to get the picking up and cleaning the dirty dishes from the dinner by 7PM.

And also what's been helping us tremendously is hiring a house cleaner. It's twice a month and though it's $100 a month considering the load it takes off from vacuuming and mopping, cleaning the bathroom, etc all helps out. Plus before the cleaner comes we're forced to really pick things off the floor so for the most part the cleanliness is maintained.
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Old 10-08-2012, 05:41 PM   #23
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

My DH can be so helpful around the house. I swear he can clean a bathroom better than I can, cooks, is great with the kids... but seriously never notices that anything needs to be done or volunteers to do it himself. I was sick this weekend and so he was "holding down the fort" and I swear to god he didn't throw away one piece of kitchen trash or wash a dish... he just spread everything out on the counters like we're some sort of hoarders. Anyways, I gave up on expecting him to take the initiative, gave up on thinking he'd get "hints" like "the dishes need to be washed" and I just tell him directly what I want done and preferably when. "I need you to vacuum tonight." "I need the trash taken out before dinner" etc. Also I make lists.
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Old 10-10-2012, 11:44 AM   #24
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

I give DH options.... for instance:
After DInner: "would you like to give the kids baths or clean up dinner?"
In the morning: "Do you want to get the kids dressed and cleaned up or pick up the living room/start laundry"

He does much better with choices and this way he knows I am doing the other thing. It works really well for us.
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Old 10-10-2012, 11:45 AM   #25
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

I give DH options.... for instance:
After DInner: "would you like to give the kids baths or clean up dinner?"
In the morning: "Do you want to get the kids dressed and cleaned up or pick up the living room/start laundry"

He does much better with choices and this way he knows I am doing the other thing. It works really well for us.
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N 10/06 7lb 9oz 23in, L 5/09 6lb 12oz 20in , and
R 1/11 8lbs 7oz 21.5in, 2/14, 4/14, 5/14, & a lost twin at 9wks 8/14.
S 3/15 7lbs 15oz 20.5in
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:56 AM   #26
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

I give dh options and a time frame. Nagging just makes him block me out, i still nag when i get fruatrated but not as much. Giving him things to do while i do something else helps too. I also realize sometimes he just likes for us to sit next to each other and watch tv nothing else.
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Old 10-11-2012, 10:45 AM   #27
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

Other than our assigned chores, I have a dry erase board where I will write little chores for DH when I need extra help. Like "Please hang the laundry" or "Please do the dishes today". He sees it first thing in the morning and knows when to help out. Things like watering our plants or dusting around the house don't occur to him because they've always been things I've handled.
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Old 10-11-2012, 10:59 AM   #28
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

I've learned I can only ask DH to do this that I want done at that very moment. If I say "when you get time", that means never. Choices work well, especially since I can be the more assertive of the two of us and DH doesn't want to be bossed around by his wife.

I stay home, and after having two ex's that were pretty much the same way, I've learned that it is better (generally) for women to just stay home and do most of the housework because that's how it gets divvied up anyway.
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Old 10-11-2012, 10:59 AM   #29
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

I've learned I can only ask DH to do this that I want done at that very moment. If I say "when you get time", that means never. Choices work well, especially since I can be the more assertive of the two of us and DH doesn't want to be bossed around by his wife.

I stay home, and after having two ex's that were pretty much the same way, I've learned that it is better (generally) for women to just stay home and do most of the housework because that's how it gets divvied up anyway.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:23 PM   #30
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Try this, it's weird but works. Whatever you want him to do, don't do it yourself at all costs! He will eventually do it and it will become a habit. Men work well on emergency mode. Women more on prevention. My dh will only step in when things are really bad. Anyway, I do not take out the garbage ever. He has let it sit for weeks. We've had maggot infestations like you wouldn't believe. Now about two years later, it gets done at least once a week regularly. I'd like it out twice a week but the second I step in, he stops everything. It's like he tests me by seeing how bad things can get before I start doing the chore again. After doing all the bills with zero help along with everything in the house and all errands including working full time, I told him it was now his turn to do the bills. He gave me a funny look but I never paid another bill since. Our electric was shut off, phones turned off, we lost our good rate on a credit card due to late payment, had tons of late fees but three years later, he pays all bills and mainly on time too. I stopped stressing and returning his movies and books at the library. After paying all the late fees he now is very conscious of when they are due back and returns them. Believe me, I was doing everything in an exaggerated way with him refusing to help. The only thing that worked was to stop doing it. I had tried every suggestion listed here and none worked. Yes, I had to endure our electric and phones being shut off due to nonpayment (one time only thank the Lord!) but it's what he needed to get him to help out. It works for lots of things and on the stubborn ones when no other method works! I hope talking to your dh, lists or making it fun works for you though, way easier.
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