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Old 10-12-2012, 07:27 AM   #161
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

I have not read the whole thread, but yes, we have felt/been judged for leaving ds2 intact. we are Jewish, and circ'd ds1 because we didn't know there was another option. with dd, we read a lot, and talked to our Conservative (denominational; not political leaning)Rabbi, and were undecided at her birth (thankfully, she's a girl). we didn't know what #3 would be, but I was adament that we wouldn't circ if he was a boy, and it took my wife a while to come around. again, we met with our Rabbi -- looking for some reason other than "because G-d said so" -- which wasn't enough for us, since we see the Torah as an historical document that has been interpreted multiple times by people, not as the direct word of G-d. she could not offer anything else, except for the cultural "its what we do" reasoning, so we madenit clear we wouldn't be circing, and she made it clear we would no longer be welcome as members of that synagogue. she wouldn't allow us to welcome our son at the synagogue as that would be seen as tacit approval of an act which, in her view, rendered our son not fully Jewish. so, we left that synagogue for a reform congregation which encourages, but does not require circ for full membership. my SIL, who is also a religious leader, gave the sermon at her son's bar mitzvah that was a pointed attack on our decision all about the critical importance to Judaism of the continued tradition of circumcision -- my wife was there alone with our intact 4 month old ds2. that pretty much destroyed their relationship, and we don't really speak to her anymore.

ETA: not to hijack, but how do you handle situations where you know someone intends to circ, but haven't asked for your opinion? My brother and SIL are expecting their first son in a few weeks, and i'm pretty sure they're planning to circ. my wife asked me the other day if i was going to say anything to my brother, and I'm not sure about it. How do you handle that type of situation?

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Old 10-12-2012, 08:11 AM   #162
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Originally Posted by keysersoze
I have not read the whole thread, but yes, we have felt/been judged for leaving ds2 intact. we are Jewish, and circ'd ds1 because we didn't know there was another option. with dd, we read a lot, and talked to our Conservative (denominational; not political leaning)Rabbi, and were undecided at her birth (thankfully, she's a girl). we didn't know what #3 would be, but I was adament that we wouldn't circ if he was a boy, and it took my wife a while to come around. again, we met with our Rabbi -- looking for some reason other than "because G-d said so" -- which wasn't enough for us, since we see the Torah as an historical document that has been interpreted multiple times by people, not as the direct word of G-d. she could not offer anything else, except for the cultural "its what we do" reasoning, so we madenit clear we wouldn't be circing, and she made it clear we would no longer be welcome as members of that synagogue. she wouldn't allow us to welcome our son at the synagogue as that would be seen as tacit approval of an act which, in her view, rendered our son not fully Jewish. so, we left that synagogue for a reform congregation which encourages, but does not require circ for full membership. my SIL, who is also a religious leader, gave the sermon at her son's bar mitzvah that was a pointed attack on our decision all about the critical importance to Judaism of the continued tradition of circumcision -- my wife was there alone with our intact 4 month old ds2. that pretty much destroyed their relationship, and we don't really speak to her anymore.

ETA: not to hijack, but how do you handle situations where you know someone intends to circ, but haven't asked for your opinion? My brother and SIL are expecting their first son in a few weeks, and i'm pretty sure they're planning to circ. my wife asked me the other day if i was going to say anything to my brother, and I'm not sure about it. How do you handle that type of situation?
Good for you! I'm sorry your community sunned you. That really is a shame! You left your son's body up to him and were driven out of your community . Looks like they didnt have much tolerance for being progessive.

Regarding your brother and sister- I always bring the topic back to me. " you know when we were pregnant with W it was assumed we'd circ. I stumbled upon some reading about how it wasnt medically needed. I read a LOT and realized the natural intact penis is totally normal and need to alternation. The "benefits are sooooooo small and come with risk."

I had a very similar situation with a friend back in the spring. The next time I saw her she was already questioning it. It got her thinking and she did her research and didnt circ her DS.

Amanda . Blaming my phone for typos and crap.
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Old 10-12-2012, 03:33 PM   #163
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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I'm glad you are happy, that is great! It makes a huge difference in your and your family's life to be in a better, happier, less stressed place. But, I don't think it is right for you to "lump sum" people together in one definition b/c we are still more outgoing with what we believe in. I am def. a person who knows that somethings are not meant for everyone. Believe me, I have MANY friends and all of my family members (except 1 sis in law) that parent VERY differently from me. I never mention anything to them about what they do.....obviously if they want to learn/info then they will ask. There are some things I did and didn't do with DD1 that I HUGELY regret. Did I do anything to actually harm her (fyi....never did cio) ? No. But, yes I will admit that I do regret not bf'ing longer, not bw'ing her, not cosleeping the first few months, etc. If I was more open and didn't feel like I had to listen to our society's "stigma's" of what you should do then I probably would have been more open and if I would have known about DS, then I would have realized I don't have to listen to it.

I guess I don't care about admitting my regrets and keeping them as regrets. Not just....I did what I thought was best at the time. I don't know, am I making sense?

And, for me I have never "hit people over the head" with what I believe in. Not sure if that is how you meant it. Maybe you were just describing yourself? But, then again I never got that from the "old" you either.

I wouldn't say you've changed, but you def. don't post the same. You're posts are all about "live and let live", "to each their own",..............or a bunch of kumbaya blah blah.
I agree about the lump summing and also think online it really is hard to read tone and such many times. My whole beef is the whole 'mutilation, abuse, etc' thing. But I realize that's my opinion.

Yeah, it's weird to think back sometimes. Because I even know I don't post the same. I just don't have any desire too. Crazy journey of life

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Old 10-12-2012, 03:49 PM   #164
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

Yep. I live in one of the states tied for first place as the highest rate of circs. (at least, according to the most recent data I can find) I've had comments, mostly from DHs family.
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Old 10-12-2012, 06:06 PM   #165
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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I agree about the lump summing and also think online it really is hard to read tone and such many times. My whole beef is the whole 'mutilation, abuse, etc' thing. But I realize that's my opinion.

Yeah, it's weird to think back sometimes. Because I even know I don't post the same. I just don't have any desire too. Crazy journey of life

Yup, you'll know me now as I break out the camp fire smiley
Nothing wrong with changing. I bet most people have changed their view on something after being a part of a forum for a little while. And isn't that what most people in this thread want other people to do anyway?
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Old 10-12-2012, 06:12 PM   #166
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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Nothing wrong with changing. I bet most people have changed their view on something after being a part of a forum for a little while. And isn't that what most people in this thread want other people to do anyway?
Yes indeed! Kum-by-yah!
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Old 10-13-2012, 02:46 PM   #167
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

I have 4 boys and none of them are circ'd. My oldest is almost 17 so that choice was made before it was more popular/accepted to not circ your child. I have never felt judged but then again, I don't tend to talk about my childrens' genitalia as everyday conversation.

Crunch910- you said something about nurses not protecting baby's genitalia and I have teo disagree with you. Most of the time when parents come in to the hospital to have their baby, the choice has already been made about what they are going to do. If it is not, I give information and educate but it is NOT the nurse's place to make that decision for the patient. It is our job to educate. If asked, I tell people whether or not we circ'd our boys and my reasonings. i have never participated in a circumsicion and would quit my job before that happened. So, please be thoughtful when you are throwing around your judgments about the medical community- we are not all created equal. Thanks.
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Old 10-13-2012, 03:37 PM   #168
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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Old 10-14-2012, 07:30 AM   #169
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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I have 4 boys and none of them are circ'd. My oldest is almost 17 so that choice was made before it was more popular/accepted to not circ your child. I have never felt judged but then again, I don't tend to talk about my childrens' genitalia as everyday conversation.

Crunch910- you said something about nurses not protecting baby's genitalia and I have teo disagree with you. Most of the time when parents come in to the hospital to have their baby, the choice has already been made about what they are going to do. If it is not, I give information and educate but it is NOT the nurse's place to make that decision for the patient. It is our job to educate. If asked, I tell people whether or not we circ'd our boys and my reasonings. i have never participated in a circumsicion and would quit my job before that happened. So, please be thoughtful when you are throwing around your judgments about the medical community- we are not all created equal. Thanks.
In the area where I live, nurses frown upon not circumcising. With my oldest, a nurse told me it was cleaner and he wouldn't feel it. I asked the doctor, and she lied to me to that he wouldn't feel it. As far as that goes, I live in a high circ area and it might be different in other areas, but in my experience the majority of doctors and nurses do NOT stand up for baby's rights to genital integrity by trying to give accurate information. I was not judging you personally - there was no need to take that personal. Obviously if you refuse to participate in circumcision and try to give accurate information to parents you are doing all that you can do in an appropriate way in your professional setting.
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Old 10-14-2012, 08:08 AM   #170
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Re: Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

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In the area where I live, nurses frown upon not circumcising. With my oldest, a nurse told me it was cleaner and he wouldn't feel it. I asked the doctor, and she lied to me to that he wouldn't feel it. As far as that goes, I live in a high circ area and it might be different in other areas, but in my experience the majority of doctors and nurses do NOT stand up for baby's rights to genital integrity by trying to give accurate information. I was not judging you personally - there was no need to take that personal. Obviously if you refuse to participate in circumcision and try to give accurate information to parents you are doing all that you can do in an appropriate way in your professional setting.
I am not sure I took it personally (as in thought about it after I typed it out) but with all of the medical community bashing I read on DS, as an RN it is hard not to take some of these things personally. I believe I must live in a crunchier area of the US as I do not see most of what is claimed in these bashing MD/RN threads. In fact, I would say that the circ rate at our hospital is only about 30%- if that even.
I like to think of myself as a patient advocate and I am very big into patient safety. Therefore I like to give accurate, research based patient education so that they may make the best decisions for themselves. I do not push my views on others but if asked will absolutely share my story/opinions/beliefs. I truly believe that most of my co-workers do the same. I have a hard time believing that we are the only hospital in the entire US that works like this. (If we are, that is a sad state of affairs).
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