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Old 10-14-2012, 03:42 PM   #11
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Re: Give me insight please: Former spouses and parenting

The above is a valid point. I guess, if i'm being honest, if my DH left me and our kids and moved further away, then I wouldn't have a lot of sympathy for him and his communte to get the kids either. It doesn't make it right though.

My brother and his ex (g/f, never married) have a child who is almost 5 yrs old now. They haven't really been together since he was about a yr, and she moved almost an hr away, then a little closer but is still 45 minutes away on a good day. They typically meet half way for drop off and pick up and have done so for the past four years.

It stinks that it's such a long communte for him, but he didn't have to move so far away either (I get that there could be lots of reasons for that, but he knew he had kids that lived in x location and were young, so there would be many years of communting ahead of him YK?) It definitely does not make it easier for YOU though and I am so very thankful my DH (who was married for 6 yrs previously) didn't have kids with her.

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Old 10-14-2012, 03:43 PM   #12
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Re: Give me insight please: Former spouses and parenting

As for the child support. He OWES this to his children. He CHOSE to have two families. That is expensive true but his CHOICE. Now he gets to deal with the cost of his choices. I'm sorry I don't seem sympathetic but truth is I am not. I hated feeling tossed between two families. I hated feeling like a financial burden because now he had a whole different family to support. My stepmother made a comment about how hard it was financially for them. Truthfully I couldn't care less. We his children should have been his priority not some other woman. If he wanted his wants to come first he shouldn't have had us. Since he chose to have us and then have a second family on top of that whatever sacrifices he had to make well tough cookies. He cannot have his cake and eat it too.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:48 PM   #13
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:50 PM   #14
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Re: Give me insight please: Former spouses and parenting

Imagine for a moment if your DH walked out on you and your kids that you had together, and married someone else, had kids with them, and then that new wife was upset because she felt he was paying too much child support, doing too much driving, etc. Would you feel sympathetic or would you stick it to him a little?

I think most people will have sympathy for YOU but not for your DH who made the choice to leave his family, have another family, move far enough away from family #1 that driving there is an issue (gas, car maintenance, time, etc) and now you, the new wife, gets to stay at home supported by him while she has to work to support herself and the kids.

BTW, I am a SAHM too, so I don't have a problem at all with SAHM's! I don't want you to get the wrong impression. But from her viewpoint, I can understand.

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Old 10-14-2012, 03:51 PM   #15
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Re: Give me insight please: Former spouses and parenting

im not a single mom but my ex does all the picking up and dropping off. i do think its a bit odd that if you guys have such a great relationship she is unwilling to get the kids if you are having car trouble. my ex and i are not on speaking terms (we text as needed only) and i have never even met his gf of 3.5 years but we do make concessions for each other as needed
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Old 10-14-2012, 04:13 PM   #16
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Old 10-14-2012, 04:26 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by qsefthuko
As for the child support. He OWES this to his children. He CHOSE to have two families. That is expensive true but his CHOICE. Now he gets to deal with the cost of his choices. I'm sorry I don't seem sympathetic but truth is I am not. I hated feeling tossed between two families. I hated feeling like a financial burden because now he had a whole different family to support. My stepmother made a comment about how hard it was financially for them. Truthfully I couldn't care less. We his children should have been his priority not some other woman. If he wanted his wants to come first he shouldn't have had us. Since he chose to have us and then have a second family on top of that whatever sacrifices he had to make well tough cookies. He cannot have his cake and eat it too.
I could see if he was a dead beat, job hopping and avoiding child support but he pays if even though it's OVER what he should be paying. I don't understand where the attitude comes from in regards to that?

It sounds to me the mom wants it to be her way or no way.

OP, you're a better woman me. If I was dealing with this and she refused to meet in the middle I'd go to court and readjust child support and use the funds to cover the expense of travel to accommodate the ex.
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Old 10-14-2012, 04:30 PM   #18
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Re: Give me insight please: Former spouses and parenting

If he lived in the same house he would owe them the best of what he had. Just because they no longer live in the same hise does not change this. They did not choose to have a broken home. It was chosen for them. You don't like having less money? You shouldn't have married a man with children. It is simple really. Supporting 2 families is in no way cheap. He chose this life. We all pay for the life we chose. Less money is often the consequences of his choices. You take the kids with you. You plan activities around them. Great. Wonderful. Presumably you would do the same for any VISITING child. They VISIT YOUR home. They are not home.

You say he left because she was verbally abusive. Great now he left his children alone to deal with a woman he says is verbally abusive. On top of that be married a woman who feels he only owes his children what he is court ordered to pay. How much is he paying for them? How would you feel if the court said he was only allowed to spend the same on your child? This money should pay for their everything. Food, clothing, shelter, medical. It isn't their mothers concern or problem you cannot work. What does that have to do with her? How much he pays out has nothing to so with her take home pay. Even if she were a milionaire he would still be required to pay child support.
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Old 10-14-2012, 04:34 PM   #19
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Re: Give me insight please: Former spouses and parenting

You say he pays more than he should. How do you know this?
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Old 10-14-2012, 04:36 PM   #20
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