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Old 10-16-2012, 01:03 PM   #131
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Re: RELATED sad UPDATE: It's attitudes like this that continue to perpetuate ignoranc

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Christians are ^
You must not know many Christians then.

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Old 10-16-2012, 01:11 PM   #132
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Re: RELATED sad UPDATE: It's attitudes like this that continue to perpetuate ignoranc

OP, while I don't care one way or another what my kids do at home, as far as play, I do worry about them being teased and harassed in public. I honestly do try to direct them to costumes and clothing that is more widely accepted for their gender, so if ds wanted to be a fairy I would try to figure out a boy version so he gets to be what he wants but I don't have to worry about other kids picking on him for his choice. I was picked on a ton as a kid and I do not want my kids to go through that.

Once they are old enough to understand what could come of their choices though, I will not redirect some of those choices, they know what can happen and have decided for them self.
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Old 10-16-2012, 01:46 PM   #133
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Re: RELATED sad UPDATE: It's attitudes like this that continue to perpetuate ignoranc

What about looking at this as a good teaching lesson for life? Yes, some people (like his perschool teacher) think it is just for girls, but we all don't think that. Your mommy for example doesn't; she thinks it's just fine! And if you are ok with it, then you can go!
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Old 10-16-2012, 04:43 PM   #134
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Re: RELATED sad UPDATE: It's attitudes like this that continue to perpetuate ignoranc

Am I the only one sitting here wondering about the username "xtin?"

OP, I am going to preface this by saying that I can't imagine any of my kids "gender bending." All 3 of them are really focused on being a girl or boy even though they are all provided with a large variety of toys and dress up options. About the only thing I put my foot down on is flashy clothing or clothing I personally find immodest.

For some reason, reading this thread reminded me of how my DD would get into the car after a day of preK and cry to me because her teacher hurt her feelings. Once it was because DD hadn't drawn her letters right. DD told me her teacher told her she was doing it all wrong. Really, the teacher just showed her, "This is the way I like to do it." However, DD reinterpreted it for herself. Another time, the teacher didn't hear her tell her something because she just didn't speak up. And another time, she was upset because she got 3 gummi bears while the friend next to her got 4.

I think the connection I made was that there are a lot of things that teachers do/say that are completely reasonable that get twisted in their little minds and feelings. If we as parents make a big deal of it, then it makes it stick. If we just say, "I'm sure the teacher just wasn't counting those gummi bears. I'm sure she wasn't trying to make you feel bad." then we help our kids move on from their perceived slight. I think sometimes we have to help them see that not everything is directed right at them.

We don't know the context of the conversation that happened. We don't know if they were talking about various costumes and someone pointed out that Tink is a girl and the teacher agreed. (and last time I checked Tink was a girl!) We don't know if the teacher assumed your DS was trying his hand at humor and she reacted to it that way.

We also know that preschoolers and their obsessions are fleeting and what he wants to be this week may be different come next week. I know my 4yo has been vacillating between being a "blue dog with a green tail" and a "teenager dragon."

I am thinking that if you overdo it, you'll make it a bigger deal than it is. As well, I would be careful telling him that he could be anything he wants unless you really are willing to let him. I can tell you right now that I wouldn't let any of my children dress in some of the commercial constumes I see because they are flat out trampish or creepy. Obviously, Tink doesn't quite fall into that category (unless you are looking at adult costumes).

Sheesh! I sound bossy. I am not meaning to be. It's just how I think about things.
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Old 10-16-2012, 05:27 PM   #135
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Re: RELATED sad UPDATE: It's attitudes like this that continue to perpetuate ignoranc

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Am I the only one sitting here wondering about the username "xtin?"

OP, I am going to preface this by saying that I can't imagine any of my kids "gender bending." All 3 of them are really focused on being a girl or boy even though they are all provided with a large variety of toys and dress up options. About the only thing I put my foot down on is flashy clothing or clothing I personally find immodest.

For some reason, reading this thread reminded me of how my DD would get into the car after a day of preK and cry to me because her teacher hurt her feelings. Once it was because DD hadn't drawn her letters right. DD told me her teacher told her she was doing it all wrong. Really, the teacher just showed her, "This is the way I like to do it." However, DD reinterpreted it for herself. Another time, the teacher didn't hear her tell her something because she just didn't speak up. And another time, she was upset because she got 3 gummi bears while the friend next to her got 4.

I think the connection I made was that there are a lot of things that teachers do/say that are completely reasonable that get twisted in their little minds and feelings. If we as parents make a big deal of it, then it makes it stick. If we just say, "I'm sure the teacher just wasn't counting those gummi bears. I'm sure she wasn't trying to make you feel bad." then we help our kids move on from their perceived slight. I think sometimes we have to help them see that not everything is directed right at them.

We don't know the context of the conversation that happened. We don't know if they were talking about various costumes and someone pointed out that Tink is a girl and the teacher agreed. (and last time I checked Tink was a girl!) We don't know if the teacher assumed your DS was trying his hand at humor and she reacted to it that way.

We also know that preschoolers and their obsessions are fleeting and what he wants to be this week may be different come next week. I know my 4yo has been vacillating between being a "blue dog with a green tail" and a "teenager dragon."

I am thinking that if you overdo it, you'll make it a bigger deal than it is. As well, I would be careful telling him that he could be anything he wants unless you really are willing to let him. I can tell you right now that I wouldn't let any of my children dress in some of the commercial constumes I see because they are flat out trampish or creepy. Obviously, Tink doesn't quite fall into that category (unless you are looking at adult costumes).

Sheesh! I sound bossy. I am not meaning to be. It's just how I think about things.
No you don't!
I agree that things can get rattled around in there minds. I think that's why I like that he said it simply, though sad. And knowing this teacher and she knows his history of liking girl things [and has always been a little "hmmm" about it], she really did mean it with the best of intentions according to what she believes.

That said, He has literally wanted to be Tinkerbell since the June! Never ever wavering. I admit, I am kind of liberal and told them they can be what they want [as in gender stuff], my limit was the out right gory costumes and I told them that too.

It's funny because he has a Princess Backpack that he carries everyday and the kiddos have said a few things to him and he's said "well I like it." So it kind of made me do a double take [think?] when having an actual teacher comment on it made him upset.

In the last couple of days he's also said "kids will laugh at me." I don't *think* she said that kids will laugh at him, so either he heard that or experienced it from a fellow kiddo. I won't ever really know.

Anyway, I did use it as a teaching lesson again, and told him several times he can be whatever he wants and if he wants to be Tink he can. We went to the store last night to look at the costumes. He stopped by the Princess ones and I said again, you can be what ever you want. He said kind of sadly "They will laugh at me."
So he spent the next 30 minutes looking at the costumes/items and finally announced "Mom, I want to be the superhero, Superman!" So we got him that costume. I also told him that if he wanted too, I would get him Tink PJs that he could wear anytime he wanted at home with no fear of anyone laughing at him. He was SO excited and he changed right when we got home! And now he's been happily talking about his Superman costume!

So all's well that end's well!

Side note, Yeah Xtin, clue is in your name I really did think it mean Christian.

I will say that it *is* true I've met some unwilling to even be open to hearing other things "Christians", but I've run into plenty like myself who are liberal, open and willing to march to the beat of our own drums too
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Old 10-16-2012, 08:30 PM   #136
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Re: RELATED sad UPDATE: It's attitudes like this that continue to perpetuate ignoranc

I'm so glad that he found something that made him happy!

It's sad, but I do think that he's right. Other kids won't get it as well and may very well laugh at him. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm pretty sure my little kids would-not to be mean, but because they wouldn't understand and would assume it was a joke. I think it might be an age thing, as I know my 10 yo would be the first to tell everyone not to laugh. My littles really became pretty gender fascinated around age 3 and it hasn't worn off yet. Part of it may just be because they are so close in age and that is one way they like to differentiate?

I love the Tink pjs. He can still express his inner Tink in a safe place until his peers grow up enough to understand.
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Old 10-16-2012, 09:10 PM   #137
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Re: RELATED sad UPDATE: It's attitudes like this that continue to perpetuate ignoranc

Am I the only one sitting here wondering about the username "xtin?"

I thought it was Christin.
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Old 10-17-2012, 06:26 AM   #138
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Re: RELATED sad UPDATE: It's attitudes like this that continue to perpetuate ignoranc

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I'm so glad that he found something that made him happy!

It's sad, but I do think that he's right. Other kids won't get it as well and may very well laugh at him. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm pretty sure my little kids would-not to be mean, but because they wouldn't understand and would assume it was a joke. I think it might be an age thing, as I know my 10 yo would be the first to tell everyone not to laugh. My littles really became pretty gender fascinated around age 3 and it hasn't worn off yet. Part of it may just be because they are so close in age and that is one way they like to differentiate?

I love the Tink pjs. He can still express his inner Tink in a safe place until his peers grow up enough to understand.
I get that totally. And thank you for your honesty! The only thing that really really hurt me was the thought OF him being laughed at. You know how that is, no one wants to see their child hurt!
But I am so glad too that he's fine with his choice. And man is he rockin' that inner Tink!
He calls of his "girl" toys his "pretty things". And do you know that he has 2 special baskets from his toy shelf that are allowed to ONLY have pretty things! Like seriously if his brother accidentally puts a car in there when cleaning, Aaron somehow sniffs it out and takes, removes it and says "don't forget, this is for pretty things ONLY!"


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Am I the only one sitting here wondering about the username "xtin?"

I thought it was Christin.
I know Jennifer and I are too! Come on Xtin, clue us in

Thank you ladies for all your input and support!
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Old 10-17-2012, 07:18 AM   #139
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Re: RELATED sad UPDATE: It's attitudes like this that continue to perpetuate ignoranc

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I get that totally. And thank you for your honesty! The only thing that really really hurt me was the thought OF him being laughed at. You know how that is, no one wants to see their child hurt!
But I am so glad too that he's fine with his choice. And man is he rockin' that inner Tink!
He calls of his "girl" toys his "pretty things". And do you know that he has 2 special baskets from his toy shelf that are allowed to ONLY have pretty things! Like seriously if his brother accidentally puts a car in there when cleaning, Aaron somehow sniffs it out and takes, removes it and says "don't forget, this is for pretty things ONLY!"




I know Jennifer and I are too! Come on Xtin, clue us in

Thank you ladies for all your input and support!
I think her name is "Kristen" hence xtin, lol.
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Old 10-17-2012, 01:28 PM   #140
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Re: RELATED sad UPDATE: It's attitudes like this that continue to perpetuate ignoranc

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I think her name is "Kristen" hence xtin, lol.
Ahhh, duh me! Sorry Kristin!
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