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Old 10-10-2012, 10:35 PM   #1
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SIL pregnant after losses

I just found out my SIL is preggo (about 7 weeks) from my mom. I am thrilled to pieces for her and my brother. She had my niece 3 years ago after one month of trying without any issues. Since then, they've had 4 losses. Easily getting pregnant but losing the pregnancy early on. Last year, after a loss at 11 weeks, SIL said they weren't going to try again.

So it was definitely unexpected good news. How do I tell her how excited I am without putting my foot in it somehow. I want to acknowledge how she must be so excited but also so scared to hope.

Should I just be positive and not say anything? I'm not trying to be negative at all but from reading other stories of loss here on DS I bet that she has a lot of fear about another m/c. I want to support her without saying something stupid.

Any suggestions?

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Old 10-11-2012, 08:45 AM   #2
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Re: SIL pregnant after losses

I think you should absolutely just honestly support her. If she has shared with you their struggles with loss, then it's no secret between you! Have they had a dating scan/seen the heartbeat? Usually that's a very optimistic sign.
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:09 AM   #3
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Re: SIL pregnant after losses

i would wait until she tells you herself, unless she intended for your mom to inform you too she may not want to talk about it yet. just my
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:24 AM   #4
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Re: SIL pregnant after losses

I had three losses before my first. Be happy and supportive. I didn't like when I got pg and people had the "look" like they were already fearful, which made me worry even more. Congratulate her, be excited, and tell her you are sure this is the one. She knows you can't really know for sure but being positive will help her to be positive. At least that is what I would have wanted when I went through it.
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:25 AM   #5
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Re: SIL pregnant after losses

I agree with the previous poster - unless she intended for your mom to pass the info along, I would wait for her to say something to you. Then, just be supportive. Go by how she tells you - if she's happy and excited, say "congratulations!" and be excited with her. If she's not really excited and smiley, respond with the same - for us, there's nothing wrong at all with someone saying "this is good news, but it must be scary, too".

For us, we want people to acknowledge that this isn't the "norm", this isn't just another pregnancy. This is scary and we are terrified. We hope to be excited later, and it's starting to creep in now that I'm feeling some normal movement from our Babe, but it's definitely not the same as our previous pregnancies.
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Old 10-12-2012, 05:27 PM   #6
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Re: SIL pregnant after losses

Quote:
Originally Posted by canadianbakers View Post
For us, we want people to acknowledge that this isn't the "norm", this isn't just another pregnancy. This is scary and we are terrified. We hope to be excited later, and it's starting to creep in now that I'm feeling some normal movement from our Babe, but it's definitely not the same as our previous pregnancies.
It's terrifyingly exciting to be pregnant after a loss. I'm well into my third trimester and past both the point of my water breaking and my birth last time, and I still have some underlying terror that is hard to overcome with the excitement.
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Old 10-19-2012, 07:25 PM   #7
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I think a heartfelt congrats and a big hug would be wonderful . And also acknowledge her losses and her fears if she wants to talk about them. I really found it comforting when some of my friends told me that they were happy and hopeful and praying for us. And it was really sweet when one said that she has a good feeling about this one. They acknowledged our past but are keeping optimistic for the future and that helps me do the same... Sometimes that's hard to do after multiple losses, so its nice for others to help me remember that.
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Old 10-20-2012, 05:55 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by canadianbakers
I agree with the previous poster - unless she intended for your mom to pass the info along, I would wait for her to say something to you. Then, just be supportive. Go by how she tells you - if she's happy and excited, say "congratulations!" and be excited with her. If she's not really excited and smiley, respond with the same - for us, there's nothing wrong at all with someone saying "this is good news, but it must be scary, too".

For us, we want people to acknowledge that this isn't the "norm", this isn't just another pregnancy. This is scary and we are terrified. We hope to be excited later, and it's starting to creep in now that I'm feeling some normal movement from our Babe, but it's definitely not the same as our previous pregnancies.
Agree! I was happy to know people were thinking of me and praying for me and my baby.
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Old 10-20-2012, 07:01 AM   #9
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Re: SIL pregnant after losses

If you are religious then telling her that you're praying every day that this is her sticky bean would be comforting. They're probably not really excited yet, just terrified and afraid to get their hopes up.
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