Diaper Swappers

Corgi · 10-25-2012, 10:35 AM

I've lurked this forum for a long time, hardly ever posting, but today I am at such a loss, I don't even know what to do with myself.
Hubby and I have been TTC since February 2010. I was on the Depo Provera shot for 2 years following a miscarriage at 18, (I contracted MRSA) and went off of it in November 2009. Since then, I've only had one period. I had admittedly gained a LOT of weight on Depo, (close to 100lbs, granted I needed to gain about 15 of it.) so I decided that before going the clomid route, I'd just try to get my body healthy. I've lost 60 lbs, and luckily conceived 5 weeks ago, the first time I ovulated in about 8 months.
Hubby and I have been over the moon excited. I had my first appt. with a midwife scheduled for tomorrow, and we were going to announce it to our families on Sunday. FINALLY after over two and a half years, it was happening.

I woke up early yesterday with a feeling of dread and upset for no explainable reason. I started spotting, and then early afternoon, I got really really bad cramps. Less than an hour later I started bleeding really heavily. I was only 5 weeks along, so it's just been a lot of blood and tissue. I spent most of the evening and night in the bathroom, bleeding and crying. My husband has tried to be supportive, but he doesn't really know what to say, and he's only been home for 7 hours (6 of which were spent sleeping) since it all started. (He can't call in to work... we run a business and there IS no one to call in, and we can't just close for the day) I've been home alone through it all. My mom tried to be supportive, but she's never really been good with words, and she's been so objective about it all it has just made me feel worse.

We breed health tested Great Danes, and I was so excited to be whelping a really anticipated litter in December, and now I'm dreading raising the puppies or doing anything that involved babies.

Before getting my BFP, I was struggling with a lot of things, in 2009 I turned my life around and though I'm glad I stopped bad habits, I also moved out of state and it's been really lonely. I struggle with not feeling like I fit in or belong anywhere, and spend most of my days home alone. I felt like finally, I would "belong" to a group of women I wanted to be a part of- moms. Now aside from feeling overwhelmingly sad over the loss, I feel so displaced all over again.

I'm not sure if anyone out there will even read this. I just needed somewhere to dump all my thoughts, and maybe not feel completely alone in the world.

mysticmomma1879 · 10-25-2012, 10:57 AM

So sorry mama

MrsAsh · 10-25-2012, 12:38 PM

c&w's mama · 10-25-2012, 12:43 PM

whitneywalters · 10-25-2012, 12:45 PM

JSWRabbitry · 10-26-2012, 01:18 AM

So sorry mama, hugs...

BeccaSueCongdon · 10-26-2012, 01:42 AM

((hugs))

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for how lonely you're feeling on top of it all.

Pampered Mama · 10-26-2012, 05:42 AM

Hugs, Mama, I am sorry. There are no words, really, but please know you are not alone- many of us here have lost little ones, and while our circumstances and stories are all different, we all share the heartache that loss leaves behind. No matter how tiny, this is a precious little one that you carried, hoped and dreamed about, and you need time to grieve that loss. Those who have not experienced it do not understand and use too many words to try and make it better- but they most often just don't understand.

lalakiwi7 · 10-26-2012, 10:05 PM

hugs... and sometimes just saying it helps. grace and peace for your heart during this time.

sasra_nu · 11-01-2012, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pampered Mama

Hugs, Mama, I am sorry. There are no words, really, but please know you are not alone- many of us here have lost little ones, and while our circumstances and stories are all different, we all share the heartache that loss leaves behind. No matter how tiny, this is a precious little one that you carried, hoped and dreamed about, and you need time to grieve that loss. Those who have not experienced it do not understand and use too many words to try and make it better- but they most often just don't understand.

I couldn't have said it better than that. Thinking of you - and profoundly sorry for what you are going through.

10-25-2012, 10:35 AM	#1
Corgi Registered Users Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Utah Posts: 111	Lost it last night I've lurked this forum for a long time, hardly ever posting, but today I am at such a loss, I don't even know what to do with myself. Hubby and I have been TTC since February 2010. I was on the Depo Provera shot for 2 years following a miscarriage at 18, (I contracted MRSA) and went off of it in November 2009. Since then, I've only had one period. I had admittedly gained a LOT of weight on Depo, (close to 100lbs, granted I needed to gain about 15 of it.) so I decided that before going the clomid route, I'd just try to get my body healthy. I've lost 60 lbs, and luckily conceived 5 weeks ago, the first time I ovulated in about 8 months. Hubby and I have been over the moon excited. I had my first appt. with a midwife scheduled for tomorrow, and we were going to announce it to our families on Sunday. FINALLY after over two and a half years, it was happening. I woke up early yesterday with a feeling of dread and upset for no explainable reason. I started spotting, and then early afternoon, I got really really bad cramps. Less than an hour later I started bleeding really heavily. I was only 5 weeks along, so it's just been a lot of blood and tissue. I spent most of the evening and night in the bathroom, bleeding and crying. My husband has tried to be supportive, but he doesn't really know what to say, and he's only been home for 7 hours (6 of which were spent sleeping) since it all started. (He can't call in to work... we run a business and there IS no one to call in, and we can't just close for the day) I've been home alone through it all. My mom tried to be supportive, but she's never really been good with words, and she's been so objective about it all it has just made me feel worse. We breed health tested Great Danes, and I was so excited to be whelping a really anticipated litter in December, and now I'm dreading raising the puppies or doing anything that involved babies. Before getting my BFP, I was struggling with a lot of things, in 2009 I turned my life around and though I'm glad I stopped bad habits, I also moved out of state and it's been really lonely. I struggle with not feeling like I fit in or belong anywhere, and spend most of my days home alone. I felt like finally, I would "belong" to a group of women I wanted to be a part of- moms. Now aside from feeling overwhelmingly sad over the loss, I feel so displaced all over again. I'm not sure if anyone out there will even read this. I just needed somewhere to dump all my thoughts, and maybe not feel completely alone in the world.

10-25-2012, 10:57 AM	#2
mysticmomma1879 supreme commander Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 9,706 Ratings: 130 Feedback: 100%	So sorry mama __________________ Trisha My Current ISO/IHA My Knitting Gallery Out of Town until roughly Sat 6/15 due to a death in the family.

10-25-2012, 12:38 PM	#3
MrsAsh Registered Users Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: TN Posts: 2,625 Ratings: 53 Feedback: 100%	Re: Lost it last night __________________ Very Conservative Independent Baptist who is blessed beyond messure!!! Married ('07) to A, I'm B and we have 3 boys, C('09), D('10) and E('12)

10-25-2012, 12:43 PM	#4
c&w's mama Registered Users Join Date: Sep 2012 Posts: 1,302 Ratings: 50 Feedback: 100%	Re: Lost it last night __________________ L... with DD and DS thanks DH will almost always trade for yarn (esp. undyed mountain meadow)

10-25-2012, 12:45 PM	#5
whitneywalters Swap Moderator "Be the change you want to see." -Ghandi Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Iowa Posts: 16,443 Ratings: 249 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Lost it last night __________________ ~Whitney~ wife to Chris and mama to Alex (4-06) Destiny ( 8-07 ), Kairi ( 7-09 ), Amelia (6-11) and remembering the one we lost (7-10 ) Check out my bowtique! My ES list