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Old 10-26-2012, 08:14 PM   #21
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Re: To have another or not.....advice please

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Originally Posted by nursenmom View Post
I definitely don't agree with this. Just my If I lived by this I probably still wouldn't have had kids and my heart would be sad. I think a lot of people are like me in the sense that it would be impossible to ever be that ready.
I agree. My first was absolutely unplanned, but my life changed for the better when I accepted that I was pregnant.
Even people who have easy pregnancies ask these questions! Your heart grows, I promise!

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Old 12-12-2012, 05:59 PM   #22
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Re: To have another or not.....advice please

I am also struggling with this question but I would say think, reflect, and pray (if you are a praying person) and your heart will lead you. Our first (DD) was born at 38 weeks, happy and healthy, our second (DS) at 32 weeks unexpectedly, has one ongoing complication of the prematurity, but otherwise happy and healthy. I remember asking myself when I was pregnant with him, "How can I ever love another child the way I love my daughter?" But the MOMENT he was born, my love for him developed and is equivalent (yet different) than my love for my firstborn. See www.caringbridge.org/visit/josiahchristenson for more detail.

I cannot imagine my life without these two precious children. I agree with the saying that love is not divided when you have more children, it is multiplied!

Our next child (DD) was born (just 2 1/2 weeks ago) at 23 weeks and 1 day of gestation, and she only survived 10 hours (see www.abigailegrace.blogspot.com for more of our story). Is our family in pain? Yes. Do I regret one single moment of my pregnancy or the time I spent with her? No. I don't think a complicated pregnancy, a premature child, or even one that goes on to heaven before us, makes the decision wrong to try again. If you feel the decision is right to try again, I would say go for it! But if you choose not to, then love your one child with all your heart and don't look back with regrets! Hugs mama!
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Old 12-15-2012, 10:37 AM   #23
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@isabelsMama thank you for sharing that & I am deeply sorry for your loss!! I couldn't imagine losing a child my thoughts are with your family. & an update to everyone: I had my IUD recently taken out due to health & we are not going to try or prevent what ever happens happens & we will be happy with the outcome of another child if blessed with another! Thank you everyone for sharing!!
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Old 12-15-2012, 01:56 PM   #24
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Re: To have another or not.....advice please

I have 3 girls, the first two were born at 36 and 33 weeks. I thought for a long time about the risks of having a third baby. And I also wondering how much it would change our lives, and how my older two would do, given that they were already 9 and 6 years old. I made the decision to have a third baby and I saw a high risk OB before we even conceived. She told me her plan for my care during pregnancy, and I was given weekly progesterone shots throughout my pregnancy. My third daughter was born at 37 weeks and 2 days and came home right away.

My older two girls love her like crazy and are amazing sisters to her. I was worried especially about my middle one feeling jealous or displaced, having been the youngest for so long, but she isn't jealous of the baby at all and loves to play with her and loves having her chance to be the older one and the leader.

The worry of not possibly being able to love another as much as you love your first is pretty common I think. And you worry that you are somehow taking something away from your older child or cheating her out of the experience of being your "baby." In reality, I think it seldom turn out that way. Even children really close in age don't seem to feel bad about not being the baby anymore, they just have a good playmate. Toddlers often feel jealousy toward the new baby, I know my oldest did toward her younger sister (3 years apart) but she also was excited and full of love for her. And she was reassured by being able to still spend plenty of time with me, and by being told all the amazing things she could do that the baby couldn't (eat real food, use a potty, run, go on the swing at the park, etc.) I agree that your heart grows to accommodate all your kids.
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Old 12-15-2012, 07:05 PM   #25
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When I had my IUD taken out I talked to my OB & she told me I would be high risk & have to be closely monitored & "may" have to be given the progesterone shots but wouldn't know until I got preg & had consults. I would hope not but if it takes me to full term I will do it.
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Old 12-17-2012, 11:27 AM   #26
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Re: To have another or not.....advice please

My favorite child also changes daily

One thing I wanted to speak to was the concern of bonding better with a future baby if you can breastfeed him/her. My first was exclusively FF from birth due to a medical condition. No colostrum, nothing from me. I was able to EBF my subsequent 3 children. I bonded much more quickly to my second baby and assumed (and hated myself) because she was breastfed. It wasn't until the third arrived that I realized two things: 1) mommy typically bonds with the second baby faster (and daddy much less so) because daddy is so busy keeping child #1 out of new baby and mommy's way. You don't "have" to share baby #2 as much because of the distraction of the older child. Great for mommy, not so great for daddy, but it is the simple truth. 2) My second child loved to be held and snuggled, so I did. It promoted bonding in a major way. When baby #3 arrived, I assumed we were have a quick bond like baby #2 and I had, because she too was EBF. Nope, she nursed quickly and infrequently and squirmed to be put down as soon as possible. She hated being held, just like my oldest had. So I stayed much closer to child #2 than even the new baby, because of that. Now the third baby and I did develop of close bond eventually, but it took almost a year. I did not love her less, just did not feel as close to her. My fourth baby was a snuggler like my second, and we bonded quick.

So all that rambling is just my way of saying, breast or formula, it doesn't really matter. IME bonding has more to do with the child's temperment.

Good luck!
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Old 12-29-2012, 10:26 PM   #27
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Lol I actually enjoy reading rambles sometimes haha. & the only thing I'm worried about is I feel like if I could still be BFing my daughter, I wouldn't want another baby really at all. I really just want a baby on my boob
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Old 12-29-2012, 10:56 PM   #28
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Re: To have another or not.....advice please

I only nursed DD for 5 months and nursed DS for 11 months. My attachment to both of my children is the same While not nearly as traumatic as yours, I have very unpleasant pregnancies and my first birth was a nightmare. I'm on my 6th pregnancy in 3 1/2 years and I don't regret a single one. Children are such a gift and each one brings something special to the world.
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