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Old 10-28-2012, 09:03 PM   #21
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Re: What would you do?

It might be that your dd left her halloween costume because she did not want to wear it. my dd is only 4 but already she has begun to hide shirts and jeans she does not like/they are not sparkly or shinny enough under her bed so that she does not have to wear them. I only help her clean her room once a week, check under her bunk beds etc, and thats when i find the clothing she does not like.

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Old 10-28-2012, 09:06 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by doulamomma

This. I dont feel like its a punishment though, just natural consequences for a not great decision.

Eta:, I would let her tot if she comes up with her own costume I think not letting her go at all is a little harsh. especially since you don't know exactly what happened. Unless of course she is refusing to come up with a costume for herself. Then, I would say no toting

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Well I do know it was in her back pack when she left on the bus. It wasn't there before carnival. So she lost it at school. Her responsibility. I guess I liken it homework and other things she has to keep track of.

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Old 10-28-2012, 09:08 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Anna0623
It might be that your dd left her halloween costume because she did not want to wear it. my dd is only 4 but already she has begun to hide shirts and jeans she does not like/they are not sparkly or shinny enough under her bed so that she does not have to wear them. I only help her clean her room once a week, check under her bunk beds etc, and thats when i find the clothing she does not like.
Left it where? Isn't at home. We live in one bedroom of my dads host kind of easy to look for it. This is also the costume she begged for. She happily write it the night before, for something else.

Alisha I know how to spell my Samsung Galaxy S2 does not.
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Old 10-29-2012, 08:15 AM   #24
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Re: What would you do?

If she is "always" losing things because of a possible clinically-diagnosable attention disorder, then the idea of punishing her by taking away trick-or-treating seems even less reasonable.
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Old 10-29-2012, 10:24 AM   #25
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Re: What would you do?

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If she is "always" losing things because of a possible clinically-diagnosable attention disorder, then the idea of punishing her by taking away trick-or-treating seems even less reasonable.
Let me get this right? It is ok to reward someone because they have a medical condition but did something wrong? BTW I have ADD myself!
I know for a fact that my DD will not learn a thing if she is allowed to her. She doesn't even care about the costume at the moment except to trick or treat. She tried to bribe me with the idea of no costume to get to go. So obviously she is ok with that. She brought that up this morning, my mom had suggested it and she must have over heard it or something.

I guess I may be a little unreasonable here to most here obviously. I was wondering what others would do and I get that. I do appreciate it.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:04 AM   #26
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Re: What would you do?

I would go with the natural consequences-not having a costume for parties and trick or treating. Does your daughter have add? I am only asking because of pp. I thought you said she does, but I could be thinking of someone else.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:22 AM   #27
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Re: What would you do?

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Let me get this right? It is ok to reward someone because they have a medical condition but did something wrong? BTW I have ADD myself!
I know for a fact that my DD will not learn a thing if she is allowed to her. She doesn't even care about the costume at the moment except to trick or treat. She tried to bribe me with the idea of no costume to get to go. So obviously she is ok with that. She brought that up this morning, my mom had suggested it and she must have over heard it or something.

I guess I may be a little unreasonable here to most here obviously. I was wondering what others would do and I get that. I do appreciate it.
There is a difference between rewarding someone and not punishing them. To me, rewarding your daughter would be getting her a new costume. The natural consequence of losing the costume would be that she has to go without a costume or make her own.

You seem to think that your daughter has diagnosable attention issues, but it is not clear to me from your post that she is getting services/assistance with the problem (perhaps she is--you don't say). She is a child and therefore can't be expected to manage the medical issue on her own; and particularly if she is not getting help, then it seems deeply unfair to expect her to behave like a child who does not have ADD/ADHD.

My daughter has life-threatening food allergies. We do everything in our power to teach her to manage them and keep herself safe. But she's still a child. If she made a mistake or was careless and ate something that caused a reaction, I wouldn't "punish" her. I would continue to work on teaching her how to manage her medical issues.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:24 AM   #28
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If she's not upset over losing it I wouldn't let her go. She should know its a big deal to lose things (costumes usually are pretty spendy). If she's upset I'd let her go if she made her own costume at home.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:36 AM   #29
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Re: What would you do?

I get it OP. I have a 10.5 yo 5th grader who has ADHD. If I had spent the time and money to get him a costume he had specifically requested and he went and lost it, I would be unhappy about it. If he acted like it wasn't a big deal and it didn't even bother him that he had basically thrown my time and resources down the drain, I'd be more than unhappy. We've been dealing with selfishness and ungrateful attitude around here a bit recently, so that colors the way I see a lot that he does these days.

We recognize that he struggles with ADHD, but that doesn't give him a free pass to just not care about when he obviously messes up in a big way.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:56 AM   #30
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Re: What would you do?

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Originally Posted by Anna0623 View Post
It might be that your dd left her halloween costume because she did not want to wear it. my dd is only 4 but already she has begun to hide shirts and jeans she does not like/they are not sparkly or shinny enough under her bed so that she does not have to wear them. I only help her clean her room once a week, check under her bunk beds etc, and thats when i find the clothing she does not like.
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have a girl but this post sure makes me thankful for my 3 boys!

OP, I totally understand trying to teach her something, I really do BUT I have a really hard time with this. ToT is once a year. She IS a child. She probably won't want to go in a couple years and this part of her childhood is over. It makes me sad to think she won't get to go over a costume. If you feel the need to have her 'pay' somehow then can you make her work off the cost of the costume and tell her to get creative because you won't be buying one now or even next year? I'm not sure what your religious views are but sometimes (in my family) we choose to show our children grace. We all screw up, we all sin, and yet God shows us grace, gives us second, third, fourth or more chances, yes there are natural consequences but there is also love and grace. Please let your dd go ToTing. Maybe have her donate half her candy to one of the collection sites to send overseas for our military or something. One day she will look back on this, probably when she is facing a similar situation with one of her own kids. Will she remember that she was punished and was forced to stay home or will she have memories of walking down the street, hand in hand with her mama in their matching black cat costumes...ah grace, I hope my kids have more memories of that for sure.
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