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Old 11-06-2012, 06:36 AM   #11
JennyAnneC
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Originally Posted by AutumnRose
Everything is just depressing here.

I will have at most, two good weeks, where I have everything under control. Dishes and laundry kept up with, vacuum and sweep daily, quick wipe down of bathroom daily, beds made, the whole nine yards!

Then disaster strikes. I might have one day where I am not feeling well (been having some health issues) and DH and the kids will just destroy everything!

DH always changes at lest three times during the day and has several piles of clothes around the house that he plans on changing back into eventually. He leaves things out everywhere! And the kids are learning his bad habits. My island in the kitchen is devoted to his junk that he nearly has a panic attack over if I touch. I have no idea what half the stuff is most of the time and I end up tossing it into his back room. Which of course he refuses to organize or clean out because he's got "so many things to do".

When DS gets home from school he just drops everything in a trail to the living room. I have to constantly ask "Where do your shoes go, where does you backpack go, etc" He's usually pretty good about going back through and picking back up after himself. But it's annoying that he just refuses to do it in the first place (he's 4 and in PreK). Depending on his mood he's mostly helpful when it comes to picking up and putting his own clothes away. DD who is 3 is another story. Her favorite line is "I cant, I wewey wewey cant" or an overly dramatic "I cant doooo iiiiiiit!" as she slumps to the floor.

It doesnt help that the house is permanently under construction and atm we are all sharing one bedroom and I only have three closets. One is a tiny coat closet that I have finally gotten organized and looks awesome. Then our clothes closet is stuffed with me and two girls (ydd is 1) on one side and my crafting. While the other side is DH's and DS's.

Upstairs is under construction where we have the kid's three beds and dressers stuffed into one side that we are trying to finish. The other side of the attic is unusable and is just being used to store hand-me downs.

I just feel like everyone is working against me. Dont get me wrong DH is great in everything else, this is my only complaint with the man. And after almost 7 years I'm just getting to the point that I'm going to have to make some exceptions here and just pick up where he slacks. I'm just overwhelmed with it all.

ETA: DS has some transition issues, too. He has a melt down when I tell him it's time to do something else, time to eat, time to pick up, quiet time, etc. I just feel like if he was on a good routine he'd be prepared for what came next and I wouldnt have to fight him.

That and if I knew what was on the schedule, what I should be accomplishing, things might actually get done instead of burrying myself into something mindless and pointless to avoid the depression.
I could have written this post! Feels like the construction projects will never end which adds to the bad feelings.

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Old 11-06-2012, 12:45 PM   #12
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Re: Do you have a daily sched.?

Sounds like it's time for a family meeting. I would lay it all out there and tell them what they can expect from you, and what you expect from them.

You're not a maid. You don't need to be a doormat. They can contribute and be respectful of you.

I would start collecting things the kids leave out into a bin (one for each of them). Make them "earn" the items back. If they don't care about the items, they go in the trash or get donated.

I put my foot down with my husband's laundry. I only wash what is properly put into the laundry basket. I would tell your husband that you will do one load of his laundry a week, and he can either do the rest himself or you'll bag up the extra and just set it aside for him. Or, ask him what he'd like you to do about his laundry. I did that with my husband. I was so sick of asking him that I finally said, "What would you like me to do about it?" Making HIM think of a solution seemed to help. It was no longer me nagging, it put the ball in his court.

Get a box for your husband's stuff. Whatever he leaves out that is his, put it in the box. Put the box either in an area of the house that is his, or put it somewhere you can easily access.

With some of the things that annoy me with DH, I just do it myself (hey, I'm not perfect, either). But some stuff I won't put up with. If he won't deal with it because he's being lazy (or is "busy" or whatever), that doesn't necessarily mean that I am going to do it for him. If it's in my way, I bag or box it up and put it in his office. Or on his side of the bed. Or I bag up clothes and put them in the laundry room. Or whatever. I'm not going to run myself ragged and I'm not going to put up with being a servant. Not my job.

For your son and transitions, would it help if you told him, "We will be doing x in five minutes" or something like that? Giving him a heads up that things will be changing soon? But I agree that a routine would help if he knew what to expect overall.

Cut yourself some slack. Do your best, but it won't be perfect. Ease into a routine, so that it becomes something you can stick to.
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Old 11-06-2012, 03:04 PM   #13
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Re: Do you have a daily sched.?

I feel for you on the construction mess! We've only done small projects at a time, but the mess it creates drives me nuts!

As for the laundry, I just battled this and I'm comfortable where it is now. I bought one of those 3 bin laundry sorters (white/khakis, bright colors, darks/jeans) and put it in the linen closet outside the bathroom door. When a section gets full, I do that load. If clothes are turned inside out, I don't stain check them and I don't fold them. I wash, dry and fold what can be and stack up the rest on said person's pile. If it isn't in the sorter, then it's not my concern. It only took DH twice wearing dirty jeans to realize that, indeed, I wasn't joking. DS is 4 and I've been trying to train him--always being there when he dresses/undresses so I can remind him right then to put his clothes in the hamper, shoes in the closet, etc.

I think a sit down discussion is in order b/w you and DH. I would just explain that the house being under construction causes enough stress and you'd like his help to keep the clutter at bay. Make every Monday or whatever the clean off the counters day and if his stuff isn't picked up, bag it and take it to his room. Eventually when he can't walk in that room, he might be willing to part with some of it and he'll probably ask you to help !
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Old 11-06-2012, 03:43 PM   #14
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Re: Do you have a daily sched.?

Oh, I forgot the part about a routine.

Mine is...

*wake up about 6:30 (but often it's 6:45), make bed, shower (every other day) and get dressed
*put in contacts, brush teeth and wipe down bathroom sink and clean the toilet (usually only on days I shower, it doesn't need it every day)
*By now it's 7-7:15 and daycare kids start coming. I tidy up anything in the living room that hasn't been picked up yet and start a load of laundry.
*Dc kids play in the living room/kitchen while I unload the dishwasher and start breakfast (around 7:30 by now)
*check email and other important stuff until 8
*get DS up and ready for school-he eats with other daycare kids around 8:30 (he gets picked up at 8:50)
*everyone goes down to daycare area between 8:30-9
*change diapers/go potty/wash hands--I change laundry over
*kids free play while I write homeschool assignments on the dry erase board
*DD2 is usually up, dressed and has eaten by now and takes the older kids out to play--too chilly/damp now for the babies to go out (this is usually about 9:15-9:45)
*dc kids run around inside while I get the girls going on schoolwork (DD1 has usually risen by now)
*I play with babies, and bigger kids, give bottles, get the littles down for nap, etc.
*Around 11:30, I start lunch and the dc kids get to watch something on netflix
*Lunch is at 12:15 (when DS gets home)-everyone eats together. I eat fast and clean up any remaining messes from the morning.
*Nap is from 1-3:30 (girls finish their work and have free time, I work with DS on reading, fold clothes from earlier load, load lunch dishes in the dishwasher, prepare snack and play online)
*Snack 3:30-4 (when it's nice we eat outside and play, but now we indoors quite a bit)
*Dc kids leave between 4 and 5, so I start prepping dinner, cleaning up, motivating my children to do the same
*Depending on the day, we have extra curriculars from 5:30-7 or 8 some evenings (we eat when we can)
*Kids hang out and get computer time downstairs while Mom relaxes and zones out.
*DH gets home at 8:45 on most nights (first job is 7-4 and second job is 5:30-8:30) and he hangs out with the family until 10 or so
*DS goes to bed and the girls head to bed and read for a while.
*I finish cleaning up the kitchen and throw a load in the washer if necessary. Most nights I try to go to be b/w 10:30 and 11.

Even though there are a lot of times associated with our day, I would call it a routine. There certain things we have to have done at "x" time, but other than that, we go with the flow. It just seems that more often than not, things happen at right around the same time.
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Old 11-06-2012, 07:47 PM   #15
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Wake at 6:30/6:45
Sesame Street or Word Girl on Netflix til 7 and get dressed while watching

7:15 breakfast
7:45 Shoes on
8:00 potty
8:15. Go outside and ride bikes
8:30 DDs bus
8:45 DSs bus

DD2 plays, goes to story time, etc while big kids are at school

11:00 DD2 lunch
11:30. DD2 down for nap
12:00 DS gets home
12:15 DS's lunch
1:00 DS does writing/workbook time
1:30 DS movie/quiet time
3:00 ish DD2 wakes up
3:00 snack for DS and DD2
4:00 DD1 gets home and has snack
4:30 Leave for Karate on M/F and violin on Th
5:30 Dinner
6:30 Bath
7:00 DS and DD2 to bed
7:15 Violin practice with DD1
8:00 Bed for DD1
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Old 11-07-2012, 06:34 AM   #16
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Re: Do you have a daily sched.?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2queens&1princenmyhouse View Post

As for the laundry, I just battled this and I'm comfortable where it is now. I bought one of those 3 bin laundry sorters (white/khakis, bright colors, darks/jeans) and put it in the linen closet outside the bathroom door. When a section gets full, I do that load. If clothes are turned inside out, I don't stain check them and I don't fold them. I wash, dry and fold what can be and stack up the rest on said person's pile. If it isn't in the sorter, then it's not my concern. It only took DH twice wearing dirty jeans to realize that, indeed, I wasn't joking. DS is 4 and I've been trying to train him--always being there when he dresses/undresses so I can remind him right then to put his clothes in the hamper, shoes in the closet, etc.
I LOVE THIS IDEA!

I use to have a sorter but it was a cheap kind and fell apart. I never replaced it because our laundry room is in our bathroom closet. The washer and dryer fill up the space and I do not have enough room in the bathroom.
I could probably put one at the foot of the stairs, there is a little space on the wall between the stairs and bathroom door...it shouldn't block the stairs either!!!

I think DH took a peak at my account yesterday while I was out(we have an all access policy, he can get into my stuff and I can get into his. I kinda stink at communicating so it's our way of keeping lines open). When I came back home from hanging with bff the dishes and laundry were done!!!

A lot of the construction would have been done by now if life wasn't busy throwing curve balls at us. DH and I both have some physical limitations. His actually causes his immune system to not be as strong as it ought to be. Then now almost two years ago he lost his job because the contractor he was working for fell off the roof they were working on and broke his neck. We were out of work for 8 months, no UI for 6 of those months. We were just surviving on odd jobs he was able to pick up which just kept the house payed for and the utilities from being turned off. All the back pay from UI went toward paying up our over due bills and nothing was left over.

When he finally found another job it only paid $20 more a week then UI was. But it's work! Then I became unexpectedly preg with #3 and had to replace all the baby stuff I had sold to help us get through the no work time period we had just experienced.

DH has been working a full year now with no speed bumps. Except that he works for the school so there are a lot of time off for breaks and two summer vacations(started working in Feb 2011 as a temp. Officially hired in July, had a 6 week summer run, then started back up again in Sept. Worked a full school year, had a 6 week summer run and now we are starting a new school year. This July was officially a full year where he got a raise.) So we have to deal with a lot of weeks with no pay and trying to find side work to help cover other needs. ATM we are living on just under $800 a month. So needless to say if raising three kids wasn't emotionally demanding already...I've got a lot on my plate.

Thanks to everyone for the ideas, scheds. and tips. I'm gonna keep looking it over and try to incorporate them into the next week. Hopefully I can get a grip on this chaos!
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Old 11-07-2012, 10:31 AM   #17
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Re: Do you have a daily sched.?

Can I make one more suggestion? Write down everything you do for a week. You do dishes, wipe counters, every load of laundry, cleaning toilets, vacuuming, mopping, making lunches, changing diapers, cooking... all of it. Just take a pad of paper and write it ALL down. Take a look at it each night and see what you accomplish each day, you will be amazed. It's very difficult to be satisfied with what you DO do and focus on what you don't get done, and I struggle with that as well. But, the sheer amount of accomplishment you have on a daily and weekly basis may up your fuzzy feelings about yourself, and sometimes that is a large step in having the confidence to make changes and tackle a little bit more.

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