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Old 11-08-2012, 10:27 PM   #11
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Re: doula vs. grandma

Recently discovered that grandma's main issue is that she doesn't want someone telling her what to do when it comes to her children.
She has said that she is now fine with a doula being there -but though I love my mom, I hope I get through all this before she has a chance to make it to the birth.
Too much drama in one room. And what I REALLY need from her is the help with my older child.
Funny that she doesn't have a problem with a Doctor telling her what needs to be done to her children.

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Old 11-08-2012, 11:10 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redlichen
Recently discovered that grandma's main issue is that she doesn't want someone telling her what to do when it comes to her children.
She has said that she is now fine with a doula being there -but though I love my mom, I hope I get through all this before she has a chance to make it to the birth.
Too much drama in one room. And what I REALLY need from her is the help with my older child.
Funny that she doesn't have a problem with a Doctor telling her what needs to be done to her children.
It might reassure her to know that a doula'd role wouldn't be to tell her what to do at all. That's your job. :-) The doula is there to support you but not to give orders to anyone or direct traffic. Is your older child going to be present for the birth? Is grandma expecting to be in the room for the delivery?

At the birth I was involved with, the husband took mil/grandma out to the hall to have a heart to heart about the way she was acting and it helped too. If it had come from me as the doula - maybe not as effective. Coming from husband/partner, that's best. Not sure if that addresses what you're thinking about?
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Old 11-09-2012, 08:03 AM   #13
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Re: doula vs. grandma

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Originally Posted by MelDM View Post
Lol. Technically yes that is how it is supposed to be. 90% of doulas I have worked with feel it is their scope of practice to give medical advice.

But yes the PP said it best. Just let grandma know the doula is there so grandma can just soak up the moment and not worry about the finer details!


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Originally Posted by evasimone View Post
From what I've heard they advocate for the mother's desires. If the mom doesn't want a certain intervention the Doula can advocate for that. But they don't decide the medical care. For example a mother is on Pitocin but doesn't want it cranked up without discussion, the doula notices the nurse has upped the Pitocin without talking to the mother and the mom is too out of it to notice. The Doula would speak up and say something and bring it up to the mother and partner.

I'd like to hear what professional Doulas have to say about it but that's what I've been lead to believe.
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Originally Posted by BeccaSueCongdon View Post
I'm currently training to be a professional doula and plan to certify with DONA. Their code of ethics states that it is not within our scope of practice to give medical advice or to speak on behalf of the mom/partner TO the medical staff. We can however, ask her if she'd like more info/time before making a decision, ask a nurse politely "oh, what is that you're doing there?" (Per your example) and ask mama/partner if they have any questions they'd like to have answered before that step/procedure is taken.

It is definitely possible and allowable to support the mom's wishes without speaking FOR her or"fighting" for her.

As for the giving medical advice thing, there are a series of questions to ask yourself as a doula before you offer advice or answer a question for a mom. It's all part of our DONA training and the primary concern is to protect our role as a neutral and supportive person focused on mom. Giving medical advice is the role of the care provider. Doulas can help moms talk through their concerns or frustrations with a providers plan/recommendation, and can help moms come up with a list of questions to ask the provider to help clarify the issues and determine if the provider is the best fit. Ultimately it's the mom who must make the call about her care and the care provider who gives the advice, and as a doula a part of our role is to support this relationship (not sabotage it with contradictory advice) and encourage mom to find her voice and advocate for herself.

There is actually a bit of controversy over those points within the natural birth community and the doula community as well. But within the DONA professional certifying organization there are clear professional boundaries. Violating those can hurt the professional relationship with the client, risk setting a hostile tone with her provider, and ultimately set a bad name for doulas overall which means doulas aren't allowed in hospitals.

I hope that's helpful. Sorry for the thread hijack - we can continue this conversation in another thread if necessary. :-)

Back to helping grandma understand that it's not her vs. the doula.

It might even be helpful to have a prenatal meetin with grandma and doula and mom and allow grandma and the doula to connect. If grandma will be at this birth, that is. I attended a birth recently where there was some initial tension Btwn myself and the grandma bc my role wasn't clearly explained to her and she was confused about who i was and why she had to leave the room for certain things and I didn't. It eventually worked itself out, but it took me reaching out to her and explaining what a doula is, asking her some "getting to know you" questions and affirming her role at the birth.
I'm sorry I hijacked the thread. But, thank you all for the clarification. I don't do L&D, but often read threads that sound like the doula is taking a healthcare provider role and offering health care/medical advice and I was very curious. Nor did I have a doula with any of my kids. I had no desire to have anyone except DH in the room while I was laboring and as a result, never considered it. I guess because of that and various posts here, I tend to be a bit confused about the role of a doula within in the healthcare setting.
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Old 11-09-2012, 10:48 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by z2akids

I'm sorry I hijacked the thread. But, thank you all for the clarification. I don't do L&D, but often read threads that sound like the doula is taking a healthcare provider role and offering health care/medical advice and I was very curious. Nor did I have a doula with any of my kids. I had no desire to have anyone except DH in the room while I was laboring and as a result, never considered it. I guess because of that and various posts here, I tend to be a bit confused about the role of a doula within in the healthcare setting.
I think it's fair to be confused. :-)

The doula profession isn't regulated, so anyone can practice as a doula with having to adhere to any professional or ethical standards.
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Old 11-09-2012, 11:19 AM   #15
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Re: doula vs. grandma

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Originally Posted by evasimone View Post
From what I've heard they advocate for the mother's desires. If the mom doesn't want a certain intervention the Doula can advocate for that. But they don't decide the medical care. For example a mother is on Pitocin but doesn't want it cranked up without discussion, the doula notices the nurse has upped the Pitocin without talking to the mother and the mom is too out of it to notice. The Doula would speak up and say something and bring it up to the mother and partner.

I'd like to hear what professional Doulas have to say about it but that's what I've been lead to believe.
Yes exactly. I do not speak for the mom, but I can relay decisions that mom had made. For instance, mom wants to see if the monitors can be taken off after thee time period required by the hospital. If no nurse comes I will go to the station and relay mom's request. In that situation grandmother could stay with mom.
The above posters situation is a good example also. Also a doula is more objective and can tend to support the mothers wishes more than a grandmother, who in my experience is more likely to try to push mom into what the nurse says.
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Old 11-09-2012, 05:05 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redlichen
Recently discovered that grandma's main issue is that she doesn't want someone telling her what to do when it comes to her children.
She has said that she is now fine with a doula being there -but though I love my mom, I hope I get through all this before she has a chance to make it to the birth.
Too much drama in one room. And what I REALLY need from her is the help with my older child.
Funny that she doesn't have a problem with a Doctor telling her what needs to be done to her children.
I hope you've found a way to ask for your mom to help in the way YOU need her. Drama is definitely the last thing you need. I hope she can hear your heart.
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