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Old 11-14-2012, 08:42 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Northwest Ohio
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My Mood:
wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

So on Nov. 7th I got a nice pink BFP. I should have been thrilled but there was a hesitation on my part I chalked up to having a previous m/c. I tested like a nut for the last 6days all with good lines. But I just didn't "feel" this pregnancy if that makes sense. Again I just told myself it is because of the past. Last night I dreamed I miscarried. When I went to the bathroom there was tan/brown in the cm. About an hour ago I started bleeding. I am breastfeeding my 16 month old who is an avid nurser. So now I am wondering if by continueing to nurse did I cause this even though I deep down "knew" this was not going to end well.
I am just sad and numb right now. I hate this as it takes all joy from pregnancies in the future and you always wonder who the child would have been. I guess I am just hurting and needed somewhere to unload. We did not tell anyone because I just from the beginning couldn't shake the doomed feeling. UGH!
Blessings from -Tori (45) wife to the amazing Dan(45) for 24+yrs. mom to 6 blessings entrusted to us; DS24, DS21, DS15, DD13, DD5 and crazy man DS 2! and 7 angels yet to meet. Homeschooling, BFing, Not so good at Vaxing, SAHM
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