A note from your child's teacher...

[jbug_4]

Originally Posted by southernbelle04 I did have one such emergency while I was teaching. The father of a girl in my class called to tell me her sibling had committed suicide the previous night. Obviously, I was fine with him calling me. There was another situation in which a parent called me at home, on a weekend to complain about something I allegedly said to her child. I wasn't happy about that at all. Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

For the first one- while I probably wouldn't have minded either- I still don't see it as a reason to call the teacher at home. Its a family matter, yes as her teacher you should know, but you don't need to know right smack in the middle of it. You need to know when she returns to school- an email or speaking to you or the administration of the school during regular business hours would be sufficient. I realize that sounds a bit cold, but its not. When my mother died she was primary guardian to my 5 year old cousin. We told his teacher in person when he returned to school.

[IndoorKitty]

Originally Posted by *KaiMom* Doctor? Yes if I was sick or my kids were. Vet? Yes if my pet with injured. Plumber? Yes if I had a leak. It's their jobs to help me with my kids, my pet or my toilet.

My doctor has an on call number for after hours. My vet has an answering machine message that refers me to a 24 hour pet emergency room. Any plumber who accepted a call out after business hours would charge you twice his usual rate. If I called any of these providers at home, I would be told to look for a new doctor, vet, or plumber. It is not "their [job] to help [you] with [your] kids, [your] pet or [your] toilet." It is their job to treat illness and fix plumbing repairs, and they are 100% within their rights to decline to do so if you do not respect their boundaries

Originally Posted by Mom2jandb I called my teacher at home as a high school sophomore. I was an A student, but she sent home a failing progress report because she (knowingly) gave me zeros for work that wasn't even due yet. I let her explain to my rageaholic mom what my real grade was so I could get my tv back.

This is completely inappropriate. She "sent home a failing progress report"? Unless it was mailed home, you knew what the report said, and you should have spoken to the teacher (and then the principal if the teacher was not willing to correct the report) before you left school.

If the report had been mailed home, your mother should have given you the benefit of the doubt if your grades were normally good. If your "rageaholic" mother did not, I'm sorry. Her behavior was inappropriate. Not having a television in your room for an evening is not an emergency. This is a conflict that should have been handled with a parent/teacher conference since you believe that the teacher was mistreating you.

If I had received your phone call, I would have politely said that I will speak to you during school hours tomorrow and then hung up the phone and turned off the ringer. When I called her back at school the next day, there would have been a principal or another teacher on the line with me.

Originally Posted by Alaga I know my sister (taught 6th grade math) would check her email at night to help students who were struggling with their homework. She was young and single though, and is no longer a teacher b/c of all the extras that came along with the job & the obsessed parents!!

There is a connection between these two items. Perhaps if she had not been manipulated into believing that she was supposed to be "on call" in the evenings then she wouldn't have burned out.

[KrisM]

I would not call a teacher at home. I would be annoyed if I were a teacher and called at home. But, I think your note to the parents is really rude. I'd be very upset if my kid's teacher sent that to me.

[MamaLump]

I'm sorry, but this does sound cold. If a parent has just had their child commit suicide, they could call me whenever was most convenient to them. I wouldn't even be offended or think it inappropriate if they called at 3 am. At that point I'm guessing time and appropriateness has no meaning to them and they are just trying to get through and do the best they can for their surviving child.

[MamaLump]

Originally Posted by jbug_4 For the first one- while I probably wouldn't have minded either- I still don't see it as a reason to call the teacher at home. Its a family matter, yes as her teacher you should know, but you don't need to know right smack in the middle of it. You need to know when she returns to school- an email or speaking to you or the administration of the school during regular business hours would be sufficient. I realize that sounds a bit cold, but its not. When my mother died she was primary guardian to my 5 year old cousin. We told his teacher in person when he returned to school.

Oops, this is what I was trying to quote and didn't manage to do in the previous post.

[erin_c_odonnell]

Yeah I never thought teachers were so "off-limits" after hours and dh used to teach college. Shoot we'd have students ring the bell at 2 am lol (yea THAT was weird!). But just understand this parent might come from a different place than you. 7:30 is not an inappropriate time in my mind. If you do not want students calling you, I suggest sending a notice in the beginning of the year maybe to all.

[IndoorKitty]

Originally Posted by jbug_4 For the first one- while I probably wouldn't have minded either- I still don't see it as a reason to call the teacher at home. Its a family matter, yes as her teacher you should know, but you don't need to know right smack in the middle of it. You need to know when she returns to school- an email or speaking to you or the administration of the school during regular business hours would be sufficient. I realize that sounds a bit cold, but its not. When my mother died she was primary guardian to my 5 year old cousin. We told his teacher in person when he returned to school.

Originally Posted by MamaLump I'm sorry, but this does sound cold. If a parent has just had their child commit suicide, they could call me whenever was most convenient to them. I wouldn't even be offended or think it inappropriate if they called at 3 am. At that point I'm guessing time and appropriateness has no meaning to them and they are just trying to get through and do the best they can for their surviving child.

I don't think anyone in their right mind would scold a parent for calling in this situation. I think the point that jbug_4 is making is that a better choice would be to notify the school during school hours. Most schools have access to counselling staff who are trained to respond to the situation correctly. Student suicides are "contagious;" letting the other kids know what is going on needs to be handled by someone with training in that area.

Here's an example of when it made sense for me to get a call about a family crisis:

I had a theatre kid call to tell me that she wouldn't be able to come to the Saturday night show because her grandmother was in the hospital and probably not going to last much longer. This is appropriate because calling the school and leaving a message on the school wide after hours machine wouldn't work. Situations like this are why theatre kids and parents had my number. If we hadn't had a show that night, the student wouldn't have had a reason to call me personally, and she probably would have left a message on the school's main number.

[carriek38]

Originally Posted by erin_c_odonnell Yeah I never thought teachers were so "off-limits" after hours and dh used to teach college. Shoot we'd have students ring the bell at 2 am lol (yea THAT was weird!). But just understand this parent might come from a different place than you. 7:30 is not an inappropriate time in my mind. If you do not want students calling you, I suggest sending a notice in the beginning of the year maybe to all.

I do get where you're coming from, and the rules typically are a bit different for college/university professionals. My professors always gave us home numbers right on the syllabus & frequently opened their homes to us, hosting dinners & discussion groups & such. Not to mention that professors do frequently work into the evening, with evening classes & office hours. By the same token, I had tne same poor judgement as most young adults & it would never have occurred to me to knock on a professor's door w/o invitation.

In the same way that it wouldn't occur to some of you that it would be inappropriate to call a teacher at home, I guess I just can't wrap my head around why anyone would think it appropriate. I guess I just see the close of business as a hard close, unless there is some formal after hours availability. I have to take time off work to bring DD to the doctor or dentist, I figure I have to make time during her teachers' hours to talk to them. You don't call the bank manager at home to come & open up so you can do your banking b/c their hours don't work w/ your work schedule, KWIM?

[IndoorKitty]

Originally Posted by erin_c_odonnell If you do not want students calling you, I suggest sending a notice in the beginning of the year maybe to all.

I think the point that the OP, other teachers, and I are trying to make is that calling a teacher at home seems like it should be one of those obvious "don'ts." (Like someone who meets us, discovers that DH is an attorney, and begins asking him legal questions. Rude. And no you can't sue your neighbor for his tree dropping leaves on your yard.) It is frustrating that people don't seem to know that these behaviors are rude. Sending home a note that says "Don't call me at home" seems like sending home a note saying "Don't talk with your mouth full."

[pumkinsmommy]

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Hey, maybe the next time I have a headache at night I will look up my dr's home number and give him a call. What was this person thinking??

On a side note, my nieces teachers(middle school) are all very grateful to you. Why? I had no idea that they didn't get money to buy things for the classroom until you posted in that thread about teachers supplies. This year my niece and I made bags filled with lyson spray, wipes, dry erase markers, pens, pencils and such for each of her(7) teachers. Can I just say they were shocked.