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|11-15-2012, 09:09 PM||#1|
Help me love this!
We sacrificed so much to get here, our dream, a home on a little farm deep in the woods of Oregon. We dreamed and planned for years, and we got here in September. We want to live a self-sufficient lifestyle, teach our children practical life-sustaining skills, tread gently on the earth, and spend time together as a family, raising crops and animals. Get away from factory farmed food, meat, milk, etc. We want to live the simple life....but I am going crazy!!!!
I have a 14 and 11 year old I am trying to homeschool. Both are mildly on the autistic spectrum and test gifted. Neither have been homeschooled before. I did let them just de-school and unwind for a while, but two months later they are still not really into anything and roll their eyes waaaay too much for my liking! They fight all. day. long. and whine at the simplest of chores. We've been at it 6 weeks and they still can't do a load of dishes without melting down....so much for teaching practical life skills!
The house itself is a fixer-upper. It has lots of potential, but it needs lots of TLC and finish work. Its my FIL property and he wanted to give it to us and fix himself an apartment in the back but he's so uptight about any changes we make he just has me on edge. He won't get rid of ANYTHING. We are talking borderline hoarder! I was just trying to help him the first few weeks get a handle on the house which was totally out of control, and instead of being grateful, it upset him. All his stuff is in his room or the barn and shed now (and in various piles in the yard), so my living spaces are clean but it took a lot of energy to get it there, and the yard is still a mess. I don't exactly enjoy starting at a pile of PVC pipe out the window while I do dishes 3 times a day! The whole conflict took the wind out of my sails, yk?
And maybe I am just lazy but I am hating all the work! Cooking from scratch, doing dishes by hand, canning apples, washing diapers....I am exhausted and grouchy. DH's new job has him away from home 50-70 hours a week and though we are getting great money so we can remodel the house - when are we ever going to be able to do it? There is no time. He's exhausted after work and I am exhausted from being home all day alone with all the kids. Its just too much. We've started to fight sometimes, and we never fight.
We WANTED this! We wanted to raise our kids in the country. DH grew up here, he has the skills! I am a former teacher and spent lots of time studying to be a homeschooler (learning styles, different approaches, etc). We were urban homesteaders two years ago, we had rabbits and hens and a large garden. I know how to cook and can and dehydrate. We have nearly 5 acres of cleared land for crops and animals. FIL has a tractor and lots of equipment. The house has soo much potential. But I am just about ready to give up and run away and its only been two months.
I know this life isn't for everyone, many people warned me, but I don't want to give up without a good fight. I wanted it so bad for so long, so why am I not happy here? What am I doing wrong?
Mom of six boys
DS(18)DS(15) DS(13) DS(5) DS(2) and Baby DS
who are the love of my life and the bane of my existence all wrapped up in one wonderful wacky package.
And wife to my amazing DH who supports me in all I do!