Living together before marriage. Yay or nay?

[valkynlu]

Definitely yes! I'm not hard to live with or anything, but I've had some roommates that were. I'd want a "test run" for sure.

We got pregnant with our first really early into the relationship and didn't move in together until I was 8 months along! My lease wasn't up until then and frankly, I didn't want to. Loved where I lived and my roommate at the time was ideal.

[avismomma816]

Originally Posted by Iliana My boyfriend and I are expecting. We are both divorced, and I have a a child from my previous marriage. Long story short: he wants us to move in with him to another place (my apartment and his are an hour drive and are too small to accommodate all of us). The problem is that I would like to have an idea if he would consider making a commitment in the future. His response was that "marriage would not change how he feels about me" (true, but it hurt. I felt rejected). He also mentioned that weddings "are expensive and just for show" (He had a lavish wedding, I on the other side got married at the courthouse and didn't even have a dinner or anything). I have been reading about cohabiting and it seems it is a not a good idea. I feel a lot of pressure from family, friends and society to move in or marry him just because we are expecting. I would like to make that commitment for love. I do regret getting pregnant (it wasn't planned, and I was on the pill) because it has set this whole snowball in motion and i wanted to take things slowly.

I def do not think you should move in or just marry bc you are pregnant. And do what your heart is telling you. Don't force or rush anything bc I think you should just let it move smoothly. Your partner should try to do what makes you feel happy & understand that you didn't get the lavish wedding. I know it's easier said than done, but being honest & telling how you truly feel is best. And if you if you just move in maybe marriage will never happen... Just saying. I hope it all works beat for you and baby.

[kaysmomma]

I haven't read the other comments, but don't move in with him just because you are expecting. If you weren't previously thinking about moving in with each other before you found out you were pregnant, then don't do it now. You should move in with him when you are ready, and when you feel confident that it's the right decision. Once you move in, if things don't work out so well, it will be a lot harder to leave. I also think you should wait until you have some sort of commitment from him. Good luck, I hope everything works out for the best

[Newton]

In general, I think living together before marriage is fine, not for me personally, but a decent idea. In this particular scenario, there are too many red flags to proceed. I think a good heart to heart chat might be in order

[armywife08]

I'm glad we did

[loni1090]

I lived together with my second DH first. And I was expecting too

[hohaas]

If it doesn't feel right to you, then don't do it. I personally wouldn't live with anyone b/f I was married but it doesn't bother me if others do.

[doodah]

you said you were going to counseling, yes? why not get him involved in that and work some of these issues out? for now, it doesnt matter what other people are doing or saying, I think it is clear that you both have a lot of confusion and hesitation about the situation. the best thing is to do nothing major until you have had some frank discussions about feelings and expectations.

[stewartjess]

Mama - I feel you. I have very similar feelings in my current relationship. I am divorced with 4 children (3, 5, 8, 9) , my boyfriend is divorced with 1 child(13). We did move in together and have a great life and routine, and he is amazing with my kids. He signed up to be a den leader for one of my cub scouts and changed his work schedule so he and I can be the only people raising my kids.

We do talk about eventually getting married. I stress the word EVENTUALLY, because I feel like I yearn for it more and more every day. There is great peace in knowing there is that commitment there - and even though we both agreed that "Marriage is just paper" and doesnt change our love and commitment to eachother and to all of our kids as a whole. We both had terrible marriages and ugly divorces.

My family very much supports marriage. My grandfather was a very conservative minister, my father has been a deacon and an elder. "shacking up" is not glamorous, but they were there with me through a terrible and devastating marriage, and with some chats they have grown to support my decision to cohabitate. And ironically, the church did, too. John and I do not attend church, but that's another story

I purchased a house last month on my own (John still owns his own home and rents it out to a couple of friends) but I purchased a house with John and his daughter in mind. He recently replaced his sports car with a family-friendly Honda to accomodate my children.

I don't doubt that he loves me or my children - and we have a seemingly lovely life. He is a legal guardian for my children, he goes to parent-teacher conferences and doctor's appointments, etc when I am working. BUT STILL - I want so badly to be married. I feel this whiny little nag, all the time. I should, perhaps, be content.

So - I would say, don't get married just because you are pregnant. Don't live together just because you are pregnant. Decide what the two of you want for your family and plan accordingly. And listen to your heart and soul and not the rest of the world.

[mommyofhjm]

I didn't read all posts. I don't think a couple has to get married. I've never been married. I was with my kids dad for 8 years, horrible abusive alcoholic. I am so glad we didn't marry. The split was so much easier. My bf I am now with, we will never get married. We both agree on this. You don't need a piece of paper to determine your level of commitment. We love each other and want to be together for the rest of our lives. Every other couple around us are divorcing it seems. Not us. Happy as can be here. We do live together. Marriage doesn't guarantee it's gonna work.