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Old 11-18-2012, 04:43 AM   #1
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How do you Survive in Same town as Parents/In Laws?

So in April My wacko mother (I do love her) convinced DH to move to the same town as her. We've been here since May and my families life is a disaster. My 7 yr old doesnt want to visit her anymore AT ALL. DH doesnt even talk to her on the phone. When she calls he either hands me the phone or doesnt pick it up at all. She has my 5 yr old DD saying she hates me and wants to live with her grandma. She put cereal in my 3 month olds (just turned yesterday) EBM bottle 2 weeks ago. And she wont stop making her opinion known. I dont know what to do.

ETA: my 7 yr old doesnt like going to her house (which is like 10 houses away) because her and her wife seem to always find a way to put him down. He was recently diagnosed with ADHD and shes tellibg him he needs to get a check because with his problem he will never learn anything or have a job :/ I never win an argument because she's "Always Right" and all its doing is making me want to move away and never look for her again. I feel I made a big mistake

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Old 11-18-2012, 05:02 AM   #2
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I live near my in laws and had many assumptions about what life would be like. It isn't like that in the least! It's now been 5 years. In the first few months and first year I spoke my peace multiple times. I let them know I was the parent and in charge. I learned to let some things go.

If this was your husbands idea then he needs to be part of the solution . You need to speak up about the things that bother you. Your job as a mom is to protect your family.

The good and the bad come in waves...we are in a slump right now...but I try hard to make sure my kids don't hear my frustrations..we moved here to be closer to grandparents...

Good luck!
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Old 11-18-2012, 05:26 AM   #3
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I live near my in laws and had many assumptions about what life would be like. It isn't like that in the least! It's now been 5 years. In the first few months and first year I spoke my peace multiple times. I let them know I was the parent and in charge. I learned to let some things go.

If this was your husbands idea then he needs to be part of the solution . You need to speak up about the things that bother you. Your job as a mom is to protect your family.

The good and the bad come in waves...we are in a slump right now...but I try hard to make sure my kids don't hear my frustrations..we moved here to be closer to grandparents...

Good luck!
He has come to the same conclusion I have. We are better off moving back to where we came from. Our relationship as a family and decisions are easier to make when neither family is directly 5 minutes away. I feel she gave DH the riot act about being able to get a better job and that is why he considered it. Now he's at a job with $1.25 less in pay and less hours, and we arent financially in a place to move until Income tax. Our lease would be up 2 months after taxes. We keep trying to stick it out and let stuff slide but its starting to affect my childrens emotional health. I just dont know what else to do.
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Old 11-18-2012, 06:12 AM   #4
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Re: How do you Survive in Same town as Parents/In Laws?

She'd be in a time out and FAST. Putting down your son & the cereal thing is where I'd draw the line. I'd be blunt and tell them untilthey can respect you as parents AND respect your children they will no longer be apart of your family life. Then save save save and get the hell out of there! I'm so sorry mama. I'm not always a fan of living that close to my ILs but they're nothing like that :-(
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Old 11-18-2012, 06:29 AM   #5
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She'd be in a time out and FAST. Putting down your son & the cereal thing is where I'd draw the line. I'd be blunt and tell them untilthey can respect you as parents AND respect your children they will no longer be apart of your family life. Then save save save and get the hell out of there! I'm so sorry mama. I'm not always a fan of living that close to my ILs but they're nothing like that :-(
See this is exactly how i feel. I just cant talk to her at all about it. No matter what I say she ignores me so Ive been trying to stay in my apartment as much as possible until I can move. She keeps asking why I dont come over and I keep telling her that Im busy. I lie only because theres no having a conversation with her.

So off topic but I still have some diapers and Matching Fleece shorties you made for both my sons back in 2008. I just cant seem to part with them lol
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Old 11-18-2012, 06:43 AM   #6
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Re: How do you Survive in Same town as Parents/In Laws?

I'm sorry that is terrible. We live about 10 minutes from my in-laws. I rarely see them anymore. We used to see them all the time when we were the only ones with kids. Since my bil has had kids she wacthes his 2 all the time and never has time to see my kids unless they need help on th.eir farm. So that means they usually only see my 2 boys and ignore my dds. While my older kids have asked why they don't spend time with their grandparents much anymore the baby has no clue. I don't know what to tell them. When we try to go out there my bil and his wife and kids are always there which means my kids get ignored because my mil is too busy with bil kids. (bil and sil don't take care of their own kids when mil is around)
I have bad feelings about this because before bil had kids they had time for my kids now they don't. We have not told my in laws that our yds has ADD because they don't believe things like that exsist. So they don't know that we have choosen to medicate him. My family does know and sees a huge difference in him. I won't tell inlaws for fear they will say things like yours have said.
In your situation I would keep my kids away and move as soon as possible. Im sorry you are going through this.
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Old 11-18-2012, 08:11 AM   #7
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Re: How do you Survive in Same town as Parents/In Laws?

Yikes Im sorry youre all going through that....... I have to agree, Id move away from her too. Even if its just across town or something. And there would be NO visitation for her with my kids when shes telling them such things
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Old 11-18-2012, 10:12 AM   #8
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Re: How do you Survive in Same town as Parents/In Laws?

We live within 7 miles of both sets of parents, which is awesome and sometimes frustrating all rolled into one.

My parents have an awesome sense of boundaries, my IL's...not so much sometimes. When we were first married they would stop by all of the time unannounced, have DH's siblings walk over to our house for a few hours after school until someone could pick them up, etc. My FIL even showed up without calling the first day I was home alone with a nb, I had a 4th degree tear, a broken tailbone (could hardly walk on my own) and mastitis with his mom so they could come in and hold the baby. I turned them away.

I found for us the most important was setting boundaries early as things happened, letting them know right away what was okay and what was not.

So cereal in the bottle? Not okay, if she doesn't want to respect your wishes, she won't be left in a situation where that could happen again, and I would tell her that.

Getting your DD to say inappropriate things? Let her know she will not be teaching your daughter to be disrespectful to her parents, or she won't be staying with your mom without you present again.

Not everything has to be made into WW3, but let her know what you expect of her when your children are with her, and if she doesn't follow through, then don't leave your children with her and let her know that is why. That you would love for them to have a relationship with her, but she is hurting hat relationship by causing problems and going against your wishes.
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Old 11-18-2012, 10:38 AM   #9
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Re: How do you Survive in Same town as Parents/In Laws?

Yikes! I would move!

We live across the street from my parents, but my only complaint is my mom bringing over unhealthy food, which to me is very minor and nothing that really bothers me. It's an amazing help for us and my DD would go over every day if she could!
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Old 11-18-2012, 02:36 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by MrzP427

See this is exactly how i feel. I just cant talk to her at all about it. No matter what I say she ignores me so Ive been trying to stay in my apartment as much as possible until I can move. She keeps asking why I dont come over and I keep telling her that Im busy. I lie only because theres no having a conversation with her.

So off topic but I still have some diapers and Matching Fleece shorties you made for both my sons back in 2008. I just cant seem to part with them lol
Why lie? Tell her you don't come over because she refuses to abide by your rules for your children, and until she can have an adult conversation with you and accept the fact that YOU decide what happens with your kids and not her, there will be no visits. If she starts to argue, say it's not up for negotiation and hang up. Either she'll change her act or not see them or you.

Normally I'm not for the ultimatum route, but her behavior is unacceptable.

ETA: FTR, I live 50ft from my mother, if even that, and the only way I keep my sanity is by putting down my foot over the big issues.

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Last edited by Hillargh; 11-18-2012 at 02:37 PM.
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