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Old 11-19-2012, 05:04 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by luvsviola
We have an open adoption agreement with DS's bio parents. Neither has contacted us since his adoption day. The funny part is that his bio mom was who pushed for the agreement instead of termination (We paid the legal fees for it though), and she hasn't contacted us at all. We would never have openly offered visitation, but wanted her to sign so the 3 year DCS case could be over, and we could all move on, and this was the only way she was willing to sign. Then she never followed through with HER end of the agreement.
How long is that agreement in place? I wonder if she does not feel ready right now but was looking toward the future?

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Old 11-19-2012, 10:38 AM   #12
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Our son's birthmom is happy with her decision. She's let us know that many times. She loves seeing pics of him doing things with our family and hearing how involved my DH is in his life (something that would not have been the case had she parented). She really wanted him to have a whole, functioning family with an involved dad and extended family who love him, visit him, and dote on him. Those things make her very happy with her choice.
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Old 11-19-2012, 12:07 PM   #13
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Re: It would be interesting...

I think our dd's mom is happy with the situation. She can see her whenever she wants, but never visited regularly and it's become less and less over the years. Interestingly, she visits dd's bio sisters like clockwork. They were older when taken (6 and 7), so I guess she had more of a bond with them.
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Old 11-19-2012, 12:27 PM   #14
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Re: It would be interesting...

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I think our dd's mom is happy with the situation. She can see her whenever she wants, but never visited regularly and it's become less and less over the years. Interestingly, she visits dd's bio sisters like clockwork. They were older when taken (6 and 7), so I guess she had more of a bond with them.
Oh this breaks my heart that she see's the older kids and not your DD as much. I hope when she gets older that changes or that it does not phase yoour DD
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:51 PM   #15
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We have an amazing relationship with our BM and her siblings. They came from a foster care situation. We see each other frequently. I don't think she regrets her decision. She says she loves me all the time, and actually texted me that she missed me the other day. I kinda feel like we adopted the whole family. I even take her to school & Dr appointments if her adoptive parents can't. She told me she thinks of me as her mom too. That being said, we also keep certain boundaries in place. It helps us communicate and keep everything honest as to our feelings toward DD and the adoption. She is an amazing person.
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Old 11-20-2012, 10:31 PM   #16
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Re: It would be interesting...

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How long is that agreement in place? I wonder if she does not feel ready right now but was looking toward the future?
In ours, she gets 2 visits a year (1st and 3rd quarters). After the second missed visit, the agreement is void. She missed the first one, which would have been July, August, September. So if she doesn't contact us by March, it is void. We provided her with email, phone, and our mailing address.
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Old 11-21-2012, 08:29 AM   #17
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Re: It would be interesting...

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Originally Posted by lovemyjgirl View Post
We have an amazing relationship with our BM and her siblings. They came from a foster care situation. We see each other frequently. I don't think she regrets her decision. She says she loves me all the time, and actually texted me that she missed me the other day. I kinda feel like we adopted the whole family. I even take her to school & Dr appointments if her adoptive parents can't. She told me she thinks of me as her mom too. That being said, we also keep certain boundaries in place. It helps us communicate and keep everything honest as to our feelings toward DD and the adoption. She is an amazing person.
I love hearing this! SO glad you have a wonderful open adoption!
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Old 11-21-2012, 08:31 AM   #18
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Re: It would be interesting...

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Originally Posted by luvsviola View Post
In ours, she gets 2 visits a year (1st and 3rd quarters). After the second missed visit, the agreement is void. She missed the first one, which would have been July, August, September. So if she doesn't contact us by March, it is void. We provided her with email, phone, and our mailing address.
Oh gotcha...I take it you dont find it healthy for your Bm to be in your kiddos life?
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Old 11-21-2012, 10:34 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvsviola
We have an open adoption agreement with DS's bio parents. Neither has contacted us since his adoption day. The funny part is that his bio mom was who pushed for the agreement instead of termination (We paid the legal fees for it though), and she hasn't contacted us at all. We would never have openly offered visitation, but wanted her to sign so the 3 year DCS case could be over, and we could all move on, and this was the only way she was willing to sign. Then she never followed through with HER end of the agreement.
So did your adoption end up being essentially a private adoption then? I remember you mentioning that you hired a lawyer and I didn't think that was typical for foster/adopt.
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Old 11-21-2012, 12:19 PM   #20
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Re: It would be interesting...

Our adoption ended up being a foster adoption, but the parents would only agree to sign rights away with the adoption agreement. DCS didn't think they'd win on termination, so they wouldn't go through with TPR. So, we got the financial benefits of a foster adoption, but still had an adoption agreement.

His mom would be a bad influence in his life. She is a heroin user, and in and out of rehab. He doesn't really know who she is beyond her name, and wouldn't recognize her on the street.
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