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Old 11-19-2012, 08:36 PM   #31
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

Dang it. Why did I read that, now I have that stupid daddy song in my head.

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Old 11-19-2012, 08:42 PM   #32
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Originally Posted by CntryMama View Post
God #1, Husband #2... If he wants his pillow fluffed or a book layed out I will do it. After listening to kids scream and touch me non stop all day, at night I am his. I want to be worth more then rubies to him Prov. 31
while i am a christian and do agree with that concept, i find it hard to even want to put dh on the list with the way he's acted since our 4th was born. we had her at home and he left a few hours later because he wanted to go buy a new riding lawn mower...i've just given birth and you need to take off??? his mom had the older 2 kids, and he did finally take the younger of the boys with him, though he was initially going to leave me with him and the new baby. he stayed home for a week but mostly used it for vacation and being at his mommy's beck and call.
now that i'm back to work, it's even worse. i worked all day yesterday, only to come home to a trashed house. today i got to fold, sort and put away 10 loads of laundry because he couldn't manage to figure out that may need to be done.
i was all for taking care of my dh till he began taking everything for granted. at the end of the day i'm downright exhausted...the idea of then having to make extra time for him just angers me by then. i'm in class for work, working full time, being a full time sahm of 4 for the most part due to my schedule (i'm gone 3 nights while everyone is asleep and then 1 day right now...i figure the least he can do is manage to take care of himself for now
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Old 11-19-2012, 09:38 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by Sarahknavy
I think women think men should all just be secure. But men(like women) have areas where they worry they are good enough, doing enough, smart enough.... And just because the way we are reaffirmed of our insecurities might be different then men, doesn't make them petty or ridiculous or selfish... It makes them humans with emotional needs. Just because the baby is here, doesn't mean we should abandon them and expect them to suck it up for 6 weeks.... Sometimes, they need more than that. After I have a baby, I want my husband to support me breast feeding, I want him to tell me I am still attractive to him, I want him to show me he Appreciates my hard work... Men just need the same reassurance, they just get their reassurance in different ways.
I don't know anyone who thinks their men are automatically secure. I know for myself and my friends, we spend a lot of our free time all other times making our husband's feel secure, loved, appreciated, doing extra things to help. If DH can't step up after I've had a baby and be there for me when I need HIS support then to me that's a big problem.
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Old 11-19-2012, 09:47 PM   #34
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

Lay out your husband’s pj’s, pull the covers back on his side of the bed, and put his favorite book on his pillow so he can relax before going to bed.

:snort:

I do feel it's important to include the dad in baby care. However, those first 6 weeks are about mom and baby getting a routine down. I was way too overwhelmed to worry about dh's feelings. Or his sexual needs. He just waited until I was ready to fully participate. He understood and was supportive.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:26 PM   #35
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After having my second child, I realized that for the first month or two, I am #1 on my list, because if Mama's not happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy. My husband would be offended if I tried to coddle him as per some of those suggestions, he's perfectly capable of being an adult and doing things for himself.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:27 PM   #36
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

I find it completely off balance in the Christian world with all this focus (books, seminars, sermons, comments, expectations, etc) being put on the women to give attention or whatever you want to call it to the men. The Bible DOES say that men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church....which is a stronger commandment I believe than anything given to the women. Where is the emphasis on the Christian men doing their part??? Yes, I know there are quality Christian guys out there that are great husbands and fathers or at least try to be and try to love their wives. However, I don't see nearly as many of them seeking any type of advice or training or it even being offered. Never heard of a group or seminar or class where tips on being a great husband were the focus of the meeting. Men don't seem to care as much about this yet women are supposed to be fluffing pillows and making sure intimate needs are met? even right after birth? even right after a c-section, preemie, multiples, unhealthy newborn? even when the mother is exhausted and just had a watermelon come out her v-jay-jay and then has to return home in a couple of days to do everything she did before PLUS add on a recovery and newborn and all that goes with caring for a newborn.... time for the guys to step it up and not wait around to be made a fuss over.... how about taking some pics of the birth and making something special for your wife? how about giving her a back rub and making her feel like an awesome mom? telling her she is special and thanking her for the care she provides for YOUR children all day?

Ugh, don't even get me started. Thankfully, my husband does so well in the newborn phase. He was bonded right away with our daughter. He got involved with every aspect and didn't wait around for me to beg him to be a part of his daughter's lives. I don't have time for sulky and needy men. Thank God I didn't get one of those.

I don't mind that dating divas stuff. I didn't read all of them but if you are looking for ideas, then why not try some. However I don't think that just caring for your husband will create a perfect relationship....I have seen this first hand. Hard working women that cater to their husbands and got treated poorly or even worse. Realize the relationship goes both ways and respectfully seek counseling along with trying some ideas to take care of your husband AND yourself.

That 50's website....yuck. Nothing I have to say is as important as what he has to say? He's been with the work weary all day so pamper him when he gets home with soothing voices? yuck yuck yuck!
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:27 PM   #37
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Also... naked postpartum backrubs? Not really my idea of sexy, lol.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:43 PM   #38
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

My chest was so full of milk and my tummy felt stiff from the c-section (not painful but not comfortable). Seriously, my chest was hurting so bad....made way too much milk and then ended up with clogged ducts and yeast infection. Sorry, I am in pain here. Not too concerned with your meal or creating a quiet atmosphere so you can wind down.

yuck, the last thing I would want is a back rub....in way too much pain for weeks due to nursing. Why do I want you to think you might be getting something when that is obviously not going to be the case? lol!
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:59 PM   #39
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

Ya this wouldn't fly in our house either. I LOVED the part where we are supposed to stay up late just to go to sleep at the same time as DH. Um, NO! All that is going to accomplish is a Mama who doesn't get enough sleep. Sleep when baby sleeps!!! Not when DH sleeps ... well until you have more then one baby and then that is just right out the window My Dh is a grown man and as such I am certain he would be offended and/or laugh at most of these suggestions.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:59 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarchMama2010
Also... naked postpartum backrubs? Not really my idea of sexy, lol.
Psh, do it over some puppy training pads, it'll catch everything and then some. Hey, hey!
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