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#41 | |
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???
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Helpmeet to a wonderful DH
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#42 | |
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I don't stay up late for my husband now, much less when I have to wake up at all hours of the night... But I do kiss him before I trek upstairs. I also agree with the pp that any relationship in which both parties don't feel supported, should seek counseling and not turn to complacency.
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Mom to Isaac born 5-24-11 and Leah 2-19-13 |
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#43 |
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???
I was fine with it (not that I'd do it but it seems ok) until the intimacy party. That part had me laughing out loud.
Naked massages? Between the lochia and spraying milk everywhere it would look like the site of a massacre. Never mind the fact I can't lie on nursing boobs because they are too big and sore. And flashing those boobs? Not sure how romantic it is to spray milk on one's husband?! Or the dusting the tv in something risque? at 4 weeks post partum!? Do they make risque nursing bras? Where do I put my nursing pads? And the other pads too - do they fit in a g string!? I think that woman has a different post partum period than I do. LOL! |
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#44 |
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,463
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???
I couldn't even make it through the first few sentences of that piece. It was so precious it made me want to crawl under my couch.
Once I recovered I was able to scan a few points and the whole thing sounds completely insufferable. Dress up for your husband? In what? Your baggy, overworked maternity crap or you too tight, uncomfortable pre-pregnancy stuff? New dad gifts, Daddy diapering kit, oral gratification, flashing (what is this marti gras!?). After giving birth I feel about as sexy as a canned ham. If my husband really wants to witness my gratitude first hand then he can pick up Chinese food on the way home to spare me from having to step foot in my kitchen. This in no way is any reflection of the love that I have for my husband, but I'm not going to go above and beyond to make him a happy camper when I've just produced a human being from my body. |
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#45 |
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I can't remember a time anyone ever thanked me for changing my kids' diapers, their fathers included. Or when anyone did the majority of the things on that PP list. And guess what? I'm not crushed nor crying emo black tears in a corner.
If all it takes is 6w of being put after baby and mama sanity, to warp your entire world, my lessened attention isn't your biggest problem. Why is it expected? I don't get it. Why should we have to feel as though we have to make up for taking care of a newborn? It's not something to be sorry for. So sorry to inconvenience you with my pesky habit of feeding, changing, engaging, keeping baby alive and all that. I know it's a bummer ![]() No, dear, you don't get to stick it in my bleeding, torn, raw, painful self that just birthed your child and carried on the family name. Not sorry. Your sexual WANTS (not needs, it isn't necessary, you don't die without it) aren't on my top priority list above BFing, eating, sleeping, surviving, etc. Not ashamed. I hate the stigma. I really do. If I were a man I would be offended that so many women in the world think that men need to be coddled and made to feel extra super special just for existing and not running for the hills, and helping in ways that they should be anyway because it's their child, too. I would be annoyed someone thought so little of me that they would think I would put my sexual desires above my wife and child, or that I would find her going out of her way to do things to make me (the perfectly fine, not recovering, grown *** man) feel special rather than sleeping, taking a shower, healing, etc to be acceptable. No way, no how. Appreciation is great. Fluffy bull crap is not. Sorry, all of this got me into ranty mode ![]() Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using DS Forum Last edited by Hillargh; 11-20-2012 at 01:14 AM. |
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#46 |
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???
OMG that article made me LOL, especially since I gave birth last night. "Call your husband Daddy..." I hate the idea of women calling their husbands daddy or their husbands call them mommy. My husband has a NAME and I have a NAME. I am mommy to my children and my name to my husband. I'm not his mother, he's not my father, LOL! It's creepy! Naked postpartum massages? HA! I don't think he would appreciate this rubra lochia that is oozing out my vajayjay getting all over the sheets, his back, the blankets, etc.
I just gave him the beautiful gift of his son. My body has been ravaged by pregnancy and childbirth, and now it's being ravaged by breastfeeding and the postpartum period. And all of it was done to bring his offspring into the world for his benefit. My body has dedicated the last 9 months to essentially being an incubator for his child. The least he can do is act like an adult (and expect to be treated as one!).
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Holly, Mom to 5 boys. |
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#47 | ||
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???
If this was a set of suggestions for ensuring your other children still feel loved and included during a new arrival, we'd be all over it. While our husbands aren't children and they have the capability to put their emotional needs on the backburner, it is all too easy for us wives to turn our complete focus on the new baby and neglect him. The problem with this is that often (not always) we fall into that inital pattern and then just never get out of it, because the baby is still there and still needy after that first 6 weeks.
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1) Women are just more into self help literature and classes. Period. There are far more books, seminars, etc. aimed at women than men because we are just a stronger market for them. Women like to talk about things and analyze their relationships. Men not nearly as much. I don't think it's because men don't care and women do. I think it's because we are naturally wired differently. Get a group of men together and get a group of women together and they act differently as a group. 2) There ARE many workshops/books for men that focus on their marriage and how to improve it, but we are women and focused on our role. It's not marketed to us. I say this as the wife of a man who finds this literature on a regular basis. I say this as someone who would happily do many of the things on that list (not all in one day!) for my husband. The thing is that I know my husband does all of that and more for me on a daily basis whether or not I've just given birth. Seriously, my husband does so much for me that I'm supposed to be offended by a list of suggestions on how to reciprocate?
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Melissa-Wife, mother to DS 4/02 and DD 4/07, DS 7/08 DD 7/13 ISO: my lost shaker of salt |
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#48 |
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???
I read that list to my husband and he said it was weird. Thank God.
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Holly, Mom to 5 boys. |
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#49 | ||
Drinks her not-just-a-smoothie pina coladas in ALL CAPS in front of her preschoolers before she takes her CDs and goes home.
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???
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Terra: Housewife Extraordinaire to y all male brood. Husband Eric. Sons David & Aaron! Making the journey through ASD, ADHD, SPD, anxiety, Depression, and ITP with my special needs son Read about our adventures! http://thebewitchinglyordinaryhousewife.blogspot.com/ |
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