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Old 11-20-2012, 01:38 AM   #61
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My MIL and I get along well now, but we had some rocky patches in the beginning so I can at least empathize a bit.

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Old 11-20-2012, 05:15 AM   #62
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

I've never really had to deal with Inlaws. My ex's parents live in Mexico. I met his father once when we were in Texas and I was pregnant with Savannah. My LDH's parents were both deceased when we were married. However, I did have to deal with his four siblings. We all used to get along fine until I had DH transferred to a different hospital and they all thought it was done on purpose to keep them away from him. They haven't spoken to me since the funeral, and have had nothing to do with their niece, which makes me incredibly sad. *sigh*
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Old 11-20-2012, 05:38 AM   #63
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My husband knows his mother (and grandmother! - she's part of the whole dysfunction package) is troubled and he sympathizes with me. He'll always go to bat for me if batting is needed, but at this point everyone knows the score. The bottom line is, I have to deal with her. My daughter has grown close to her (them) and I honor that. So when she does wacky things or tells white lies, as long as she isn't hurting my daughter I let it slide. I'm not letting her hook into my son the same way though.

I just want to say though that she keeps talking with such pride about how my sil, her single, childless daughter, is cooking the whole thanksgiving dinner (we aren't going) for ALL 5 of them just like last year. It's like the only meal she cooks ever all year. Uh yeah, great, now let's see her prepare meals for a family of 4 three+ times a day. Then I'll be impressed.
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Old 11-20-2012, 06:33 AM   #64
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Ever since our dd came along (now 11 months) things have been on the rocks with my in-laws for both DH and myself. MIL isn't in picture, I am not even sure she knows she is a grandmother but DH chooses not to make contact with her which is fine. She beat him as a child and is bipolar/not diagnosed nor medicated....

We are both on the outs with 1 SIL who my DH was closest to as she blew up at us after dd was born for various reasons. We suspect she may be following in mothers footsteps as far as mental health goes but she won't listen to anyone to go see a doctor...

Other SIL who neither of us were close to before is closest of family now- we get along much better than before.

FIL is just...smh... He's so very old school and he seemed so excited to be a grandpa, but more and more things he does irk us- he seems to only view our dd as a trophy for him to brag about/show off. He doesn't actually spend much time with her at all even though we provide plenty of opportunities. Some recent comments from him are driving us bonkers with upcoming holidays. He's upset we won't be out on thanksgiving to in-laws large family dinner (extended extended family). But I have to work in the afternoon for a few hours and then I asked my mom to hold our dinner after that so we really don't have time and since in-laws family does another dinner Friday night we figured we could go to that. FIL says "well that's fine, just as long as all my brothers see Kaycee".... whatever. Mind you she gets very shy in large groups of people, clings to me, won't go to anyone else- will start crying...and they are the type that will crowd her, so I already suspect it won't go over well. He's so old school, has made comments why we don't give dd formula (she bf's and has never had formula) he makes these comments about us spoiling her (we don't let her cry, won't do cry it out, hold her a lot) and that we need to make sure she knows who is boss....um...yea ok the list goes on.

Ahh gotta love em...
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:37 AM   #65
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

My MIL and I get along fine but we aren't great friends. Our personalities just don't click. Here are a few reasons why we get along.

1. She stays out of our marriage.
2. She doesn't give parenting advice.
3. Communication in general is done through DH.
4. DH keeps healthy boundaries with his mom. He loves her but his loyalty lies with his wife and children.
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:37 AM   #66
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

My MIL and I get along fine but we aren't great friends. Our personalities just don't click. Here are a few reasons why we get along.

1. She stays out of our marriage.
2. She doesn't give parenting advice.
3. Communication in general is done through DH.
4. DH keeps healthy boundaries with his mom. He loves her but his loyalty lies with his wife and children.
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:50 AM   #67
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

In the beginning my MIL was awful. She would challenge every single decision I made! Especially after I had my first son - she didn't like the cloth diapers, she didn't like the choice I made on feeding, she didn't like that I wouldn't let her feed him table food at 4 mos old, ect, ect, ect...

THEN my mother and father started the process of divorce and my father went on a drinking binge... AND I found out I was pregnant with #2 (oops!). MIL became a totally different person. She helped us move, cosigned for our apartment, listened to me when I cried... she was great... not that it's staying (she's becoming more like her "old" self)

My brother in law is the worst though! Not that he's rude or mean to me but he's just a lazy lump and it irks the crap out of me. He graduated top of his class from a wonderful college around here with an accounting degree almost 5 years ago and what has he done since then? Mooched off my MIL, lived in her house for free, and just a year ago got a part time job at Target unloading trucks. He doesn't get out of bed until noon-ish, whines and complains when he's awake and is just generally lazy - he expects EVERYONE to do EVERYTHING for him!
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Old 11-20-2012, 01:27 PM   #68
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

I don't know...BUT my ex-mil are still friends, even 9 years after her son left the boys and me.
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Old 11-20-2012, 02:23 PM   #69
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

I get along well with my MIL BUT she gets on my nerves on extended visists. She has come for 3 -6 MONTHS a year for the past several years. DH works all the time and so it is me and MIL joined at the hip for weeks on end - in the pouring rain (she always comes in the winter) - with no breaks from each other. I think anyone would want to tear someones hair out being locked in a house for days and days together. She is also getting older and it is frustrating for me that she needs supervision now. It isn't that I don't adore her but I am too busy to watch someone else too. This years visit is a gloriously short 6 weeks (!!!) I am really looking forward to a short sweet visit with a pre-booked end date. We don't usually book her ticket home until she gets here and decides it is time to start looking so I never know how long it is going to be before she leaves and I get my privacy back. Knowing exactly how long her trip will be will REALLY help.

ETA - My mom is usually worse then my MIL though. My mom goes through periods where she is awful, mean, insensitive, rude, judgemental and ignores my kids. I'd rather put up with a never ending MIL visit then a bad period with my mom ANY time.

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Old 11-20-2012, 03:09 PM   #70
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Re: WHY are MILs so terrible?

*meh* I think in most cases(no not talking specifically about any here) it's 50/50. I hear women I know complain all the time about their MIL's, but I also know these women, and they would be horrrrrible DIL's. lol.
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