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Old 11-21-2012, 10:03 AM   #131
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Originally Posted by s@hmommy View Post
It would seem the two of you attacking my choices are the ones stuck in a patriarchal marriage if you think I need my dhs permission to do something.

I still stand by my statements. I think you should show your loved ones you are thankful for them, especially when they are having to do more than normal. I feel sorry for you dh if you disagree. I already said most of that stuff was out there, so if you want to keep bashing me for having fast and easy recoveries after delivery and resuming my life, I am going to chock it up to ignorance on your part and stop responding to this thread because this is as close to nice as I can manage at this point.
I didn't take it as them bashing you personally just that if (g) your dh EXPECTS you to do these things because he's feeling hurt and neglected then he has his priorities skewed. But if that is what you WANT to do those things for your dh then that is ok. But maybe I just see it differently.

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Old 11-21-2012, 10:20 AM   #132
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It would seem the two of you attacking my choices are the ones stuck in a patriarchal marriage if you think I need my dhs permission to do something.
I find ironic, really, that the women in this thread who would attack your choices seem to be just as domineering about what women should or should not be doing after childbirth as the "patriarchal" or "insecure" husbands they are ridiculing in this thread.
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Old 11-21-2012, 10:48 AM   #133
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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I find ironic, really, that the women in this thread who would attack your choices seem to be just as domineering about what women should or should not be doing after childbirth as the "patriarchal" or "insecure" husbands they are ridiculing in this thread.
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Old 11-21-2012, 10:54 AM   #134
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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I find ironic, really, that the women in this thread who would attack your choices seem to be just as domineering about what women should or should not be doing after childbirth as the "patriarchal" or "insecure" husbands they are ridiculing in this thread.
Don't forget nansy pansy, 4 year old, babies... and I know there were other wonderful names but I can't keep track of them all.
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Old 11-21-2012, 10:56 AM   #135
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

Yeah, if a woman WANTS to scrub the floor in the buff 3 days after pushing a watermelon out her hoo-ha then more power to her. Ain't happenin here and my hubby is well taken care of...and he takes good care of me when I'm down. It's a partnership, I'm his partner not his servant. He does for me when I'm down without expecting anything in return, I do for him when he's down without expecting anything in return.

I can tell you, when my husband had a kidney transplant my needs were WAY bottom of the totem pole. Only his needs mattered. Same thing when I give birth HIS needs are WAY bottom of the totem pole and only my needs and the needs of our kids matter. IMO that's how it should be. Haha, I'll have to tell him that he should have been up dusting the TV in a speedo and scrubbing the floor on his hands and knees and doing a little somethin somethin for me cuz I had sex needs y'all
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Old 11-21-2012, 11:16 AM   #136
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

I had to be very attentive to my husband even after having babies. I made sure everyone's needs were met. I dont consider it far fetched to expect that. My husband told me from the get go that he was not waiting 6 weeks to DTD. I am here to meet his needs also. But after saying all of that non of my friends understand how it is I cater to my husband as much as I do.
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Old 11-21-2012, 11:20 AM   #137
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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I had to be very attentive to my husband even after having babies. I made sure everyone's needs were met. I dont consider it far fetched to expect that. My husband told me from the get go that he was not waiting 6 weeks to DTD. I am here to meet his needs also. But after saying all of that non of my friends understand how it is I cater to my husband as much as I do.
Promise I'm not being snarky here...don't want to get into that aspect of the thread! Just truly curious because while I wouldn't do what you have done I realize everyone is different

Can you tell me why you 'had' too? Were you told you had too? And what would have happened if your husband had to wait 6 weeks? [think if it was vital medically or something?]

I give you props, being totally honest here, it would be divorce court for me if my DH said he couldn't have self control and wait 6 weeks.
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Old 11-21-2012, 11:22 AM   #138
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Originally Posted by s@hmommy View Post

I think you should show your loved ones you are thankful for them, especially when they are having to do more than normal.

I already said most of that stuff was out there.
Totally agree on these two points. I thought the article was completely ridiculous, though, because it didn't seem to give men ANY credit for being able to act like... adults, I guess. It was so condescending - are there really men out there who think their wives don't love them/don't appreciate them if she doesn't lay out their pajamas or shimmy around on the floor in lingerie while wielding a scrub brush within the first few weeks of bringing a brand new person into the world? Ugh.
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Old 11-21-2012, 11:30 AM   #139
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Originally Posted by MarchMama2010 View Post
Totally agree on these two points. I thought the article was completely ridiculous, though, because it didn't seem to give men ANY credit for being able to act like... adults, I guess. It was so condescending - are there really men out there who think their wives don't love them/don't appreciate them if she doesn't lay out their pajamas or shimmy around on the floor in lingerie while wielding a scrub brush within the first few weeks of bringing a brand new person into the world? Ugh.
THAT is my problem with the article! There's nothing wrong with a new mom doing whatever she is willing and able to do after delivery. There's something very, very wrong with creating a culture and expectation that women can and *should* be doing the physical acts on that list before they are ready.

No one is arguing that new moms shouldn't express their gratitude to their partners! But for the first 6 weeks it's entirely appropriate for that gratitude to be expressed verbally only IMHO.
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Old 11-21-2012, 11:33 AM   #140
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Re: Are we stuck in the 1950's???

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Originally Posted by Kason's mommy View Post
I had to be very attentive to my husband even after having babies. I made sure everyone's needs were met. I dont consider it far fetched to expect that. My husband told me from the get go that he was not waiting 6 weeks to DTD. I am here to meet his needs also. But after saying all of that non of my friends understand how it is I cater to my husband as much as I do.
I'm sorry, if my husband told me that he WASN'T waiting 6 weeks for me to heal, we'd have a HUGE problem.

My DH was counting down the days for my 6 week "clearance" from my OB. When I came back from the appt with the no-go (I had issues healing and was still having a lot of pain), he was upset, but understanding. He ended up waiting close to 2-3 months before we got "back at it." I just had a lot of pain every time we tried, and he didn't want to cause it...

I'm here to meet the needs of my hubs...I just think that as adults in a relationship, we both need to realize that there are ups and downs. At times he may have to go without while I need extra care, and on the flip side, I may have to go without while I care for him. I think it's important that both people in a relationship realize that it's not all about them all the time...
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