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Old 11-15-2012, 07:37 AM   #11
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Re: wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

Thanks ladies. Last night was awful as the cramping and back pain are intensifying. Today is gonna be tough.

Nicolenut - I had the same overwhelming urge to punch my dh too when he said "We'll try again". HELLO!! I wanted THIS one!!!

Dh is pretty much absent from this. I am so angry today all I want to do is cry but since none of our other dc know I am trying to just pass off my crabbiness as not feeling well. I needed my dh lastnight. I needed him to hold me and let me cry. I needed him to take care of the others so I could have some time alone. I needed him. I hate the toilet. I hate that it taking what should have been my baby. I also ache that somewhere I know that there no way to have control over what happened. It would be so easier if there were something I did that I can make sure I never do again. I just don't understand as I read through all of your stories why any of us has to loose these much wanted babies. But I guess I am not meant to. Hugs to all of you.

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Old 11-15-2012, 10:30 PM   #12
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So many hugs for you mama!
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Old 11-15-2012, 11:00 PM   #13
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Re: wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

Honey, you didn't cause your miscarriage. But, if you've had multiple miscarriages, I urge you to talk to your doctor about them. There are so many treatable conditions that can cause miscarriages...viruses, blood clotting disorders, autoimmune disorders, etc. Just because you've birthed healthy children doesn't mean you may not have some underlying issue. I met a friend on-line who had 7 normal pregnancies, only to then have a stillbirth at around 28 weeks. Turns out she had one bad copy of the MTHFR gene - just like I do. She was put on heparin and went on to have two more healthy babies.

I just hate seeing women suffer through miscarriages, when for $1000 (or less if you have insurance) you might know why...so that you can do something about it.

{{{HUGS}}}
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Old 11-16-2012, 07:24 AM   #14
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Re: wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

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Originally Posted by swismiself View Post
Honey, you didn't cause your miscarriage. But, if you've had multiple miscarriages, I urge you to talk to your doctor about them. There are so many treatable conditions that can cause miscarriages...viruses, blood clotting disorders, autoimmune disorders, etc. Just because you've birthed healthy children doesn't mean you may not have some underlying issue. I met a friend on-line who had 7 normal pregnancies, only to then have a stillbirth at around 28 weeks. Turns out she had one bad copy of the MTHFR gene - just like I do. She was put on heparin and went on to have two more healthy babies.

I just hate seeing women suffer through miscarriages, when for $1000 (or less if you have insurance) you might know why...so that you can do something about it.

{{{HUGS}}}
Thanks I appreciate that. At my age I am not sure it is really prudent or that dh would really be into that. When we got the reversal we discussed that if it didn't work we would not do any extraordinary measures and be content with the 4 we had. And I am ok with that. I just wish I knew if it was of my age, my breastfeeding still or just a natural occurance. I don't look forward to haveing more of these. Kind of takes the joy out of it.
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Old 11-22-2012, 10:45 PM   #15
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Oh lord I am so sorry. How horrible that must all feel. A doomed feeling wouldn't effect your baby's well being. I think feeling that something wasn't right was your amazing and priceless gift of a mother's intuition. It is a blessing to be so in tune with your body. I am sorry you had that feelin and it was confirmed, but if/when you want to get pregnant again, you may get a totally different feeling and it could feel amazing if you let it. I am so sorry about your husband. I am constantly wondering what God was thinking when he designed man. They are in their own world when it comes to the tough stuff. I like to remind myself that men don't have that connection with a baby that hasn't been born. It's a gift for us women to feel the connection physically and emotionally and it is an impossible thing to convey to a man. It seems so hurtful, but they literally have zero idea about how women feel and act about being pregnant. A man becomes a father when he holds his baby, a mother when a baby is conceived. I hope that you are able to consider it and voice to him that you are sad and although he can't understand the depth of it all, you need his support. Sometimes men need flat out help and a more clear idea of what is going on. I'm glad you have a connection to other women who have experienced similar situations and upsets with their husbands. We women need to talk to each other about this stuff. It's not like the support from a husband, but it really does help to know you're not the only one. Hope you find some peace, understanding, and sympathy. I imagine it will be a time to grieve and I hope you can the way you need to. Hugs mama
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Old 11-22-2012, 11:36 PM   #16
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((Hugs))


I'm so sorry mama. :*-(

Have you told your DH what you need from him yet? Most men don't know how to respond to their wives during a mc, and feel rather powerless to do anything at all, so some of them will play it off like its no big deal.

You could try saying that the actual physical aspect of the mc is very intense (without being graphic), and that its emotionally draining as well, and that it would mean a lot to you if he would support you by allowing you some quiet kid free space to grieve and let go of this baby (physically and emotionally). If you can lay it out clearly to him a concrete need and tell him that he'd be your hero they usually jump at that chance.

((Hugs))
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Old 11-23-2012, 12:09 AM   #17
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Praying for you mama ! I hope you get the emotional support you need
Hang in there!!
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Old 11-25-2012, 11:02 AM   #18
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Re: wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

Aww thanks so much. We are much better now. DH acknowledged his mess up and that was a start back in the right direction. So now we are back to just letting the Lord decide this for us. We are truly blessed and I am just focusing on that. Thanks you all SO VERY VERY Much. I pray none of us ever has to use this forum to post in again! Hoping to see you all in the DD clubs along with myself very soon!
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