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Old 12-06-2012, 02:41 PM   #1
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How do you kbow that you are done?

Hi everyone! I'm a mama to 5 (one in heaven). My kids are almost 11, 8, almost 4 and 14 months. I just lost baby #5 about a month ago at 13 weeks pregnant.

Sometimes I feel like I'm done having children and other times I long for just "one more". I have a lot of days where I think this is good. The baby is a toddler now and we are doing good. And on those days I feel like adding one more would be too much chaos. On the other hand, I just really want one more baby.

How did you know you were done having children? Does the longing for one more ever stop?

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Old 12-06-2012, 02:43 PM   #2
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Re: How do you kbow that you are done?

I didn't think I would ever feel really done. Now that I have my 3, I feel an extreme sense of contentment and lost my desire to have any more children. My DH gets the V in about a week and I'm thrilled! There is a chance we would end up with another child if our son's birthmom got pregnant and decided to place with us again, but that thought scares me a bit. I'm really content with 3.
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Old 12-06-2012, 04:05 PM   #3
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Re: How do you kbow that you are done?

My body did most of the decision making for me. I can't to this again. We might adopt, so I don't know if that counts as being done.
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Old 12-06-2012, 04:13 PM   #4
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I'm sorry for your loss, mama .

We have four children (ages 5, 3, 16 months, and almost 4 weeks), and I am definitely done. I was actually done after DS3 was born, but DS4 had other ideas . For me, personally, I know I'm done because I just don't have the longing for any more. I'm stressed and overwhelmed right now, and the idea of adding another baby isn't appealing at all. I don't sad or nostalgic when I see pregnant mamas/newborns, or baby clothes, etc. That could be because I have a newborn, but I've felt this way since DS3 was born.
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Old 12-06-2012, 04:16 PM   #5
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Those back and forth feelings are normal after a loss (I've had 2). So sorry mama. I would give it a little time before deciding for sure. Financial considerations are a part of it for us.
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Old 12-06-2012, 04:56 PM   #6
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I'm not certain if this feeling/decision is forever, but when I had a surprise pregnancy last Spring (followed by a loss), we decided that having 3 close together and being done sounded perfect (initially I wanted a larger space and then 2 more (total of 4 living children), but hubby thinks he is maxed at 3 total). After losing that baby I HAD to have another, and wanted to get back on our new plan of three and out. I am now pregnant again, and still feeling done. I am just kind of over the idea of a large family (or maybe just exhausted with two toddlers, an "adopted" teen, a pregnancy, and a stubborn dog). I think the decision will stick for both dh and me, but time will tell. We are only 29, so we aren't planning on any permanent solutions so early in life. For the first time i am looking forward to being done with pregnancies, infancies, etc. and I'm looking forward to returning to my studies. Up to this point I was just content to be here with my babies forever. I am hoping it is a true heart change so hubby and I don't bump heads later.
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Old 12-06-2012, 05:23 PM   #7
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Re: How do you kbow that you are done?

hmm I'm not sure I'll reach a point where I really feel done before we actually are done. I always wanted 5-6 kids, DH started off wanting 4-5, then just 2, then 3, now 4.

This could be our last baby, so I am trying to really enjoy it. I know I would be happy with 4 kids and could live with just 4, but I also don't feel like I would be done if it were 100% up to just me.
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Old 12-06-2012, 05:30 PM   #8
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Re: How do you kbow that you are done?

As cliche as it might sound, you will know when you are done. If you are still wavering back and forth, you're not done. When you reach that stage on content and feeling complete and willing to take steps (whether you actually do is not an issue) to have no more, you're done.
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Old 12-06-2012, 05:37 PM   #9
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I knew i was done whenever I couldn't handle the thought of going through another newborn stage or another toddler stage again. thought of that scares the b'jeepers out of me.
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Old 12-06-2012, 06:43 PM   #10
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Sorry for your loss.

We only have 2 and we're done. I thought I wanted another until dd started getting more mobile and independent. I just feel like our family is complete. I couldn't imagine adding another child to our family. Obviously if we're meant to have another, we'll be happy and accept that our plans weren't meant to be. But, we will do everything possible to prevent. DH has an appointment for the big v soon. DH was done as soon as we found out we were pregnant with dd.
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