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Old 12-06-2012, 04:29 PM   #21
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You could always have him babysit the other kids why you, DH, and the birthday kid go out. I can only imagine how special that would make the birthday child feel!

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Old 12-06-2012, 05:39 PM   #22
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Re: Would it bother you if..

Wow- I really can't beleive some of the responses. - I wouldn't be upset at all. Family is important to me and DH. Neither of us would be upset.

Really you have a couple months to work things out. Its not like he is calling and saying he will be there in two days.

My family is close but still visits. Just last night my mom called, asked what we were doing since she was in town and came over with supper. I was greatful.

DH's family lives 6 hours away. To coordinate everyone to get together is hard. Many many times it is very last minute and we invite ourselves to each others house all the time. Everyone has a standing invite to come down and visit if they wind up with a free weekend. just like I know I could call up MIL and say we have a free weekend anyone else, lets meet at SIL on Sunday. She would be fine with it and anyone that could come would.
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Old 12-06-2012, 06:00 PM   #23
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The only part that really bothers me is the part where he brings a random guest with him? Like just a friend of his? That's a little odd.

But we're thousands of miles from family and enjoy any visits. FIL usually says he's coming and then comes 6 months later. So that's frustrating cause we've expected him for the last 2 thanksgivings and then he changes his plans without saying much to us until we ask again.
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Old 12-06-2012, 06:31 PM   #24
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Re: Would it bother you if..

Personally I think it's wonderful that your FIL wants to spend birthdays with your child.
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Old 12-06-2012, 06:31 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Nerissa View Post

My family is close but still visits. Just last night my mom called, asked what we were doing since she was in town and came over with supper. I was greatful.

Everyone has a standing invite to come down and visit if they wind up with a free weekend.
Two main differences.

1) You're family has a known and understood open door policy. This is not the case for all families. Everyone is different.

2) You're mom called to ask what you were doing before she came over. She didn't call and say I am coming over, if that messes up your plans change them, and I'm bringing a friend.

We all love our family. We all appreciate help. But inviting yourself and other people to spend a week in my house when I don't have transportation fir everyone and refusing to get your own is not what Id call "helpful". Sometimes the burden of company is just that, a burden.
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Old 12-06-2012, 06:35 PM   #26
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Re: Would it bother you if..

For us birthdays are just for OUR family -- that means the people in our house. Grandparents can visit the weekend before or after (if it's not on a weekend) but their birthday will be a special day just for all of us.

Christmas will always be at our house. We will not travel to other people's houses on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. We are ok with someone stopping by on Christmas day, but no overnight guests. My sister is only an hour away but other than possibly her no one else would possibly want to 'stop in' for Xmas day.
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Old 12-06-2012, 08:23 PM   #27
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Re: Would it bother you if..

I didn't read the other replies, but yeah OP that would bother me a lot. My FIL and I do not get along....mostly because he does not respect anything I say or care what my opinion is on anything. And we do very small birthday things.
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Old 12-06-2012, 10:20 PM   #28
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From what you've stated these are my thoughts:

1) It seems there is an established open door policy. If that's not working, your family needs to change that.
2) Week long visits (and guests) are also the norm. Again, if that's not working, your family needs to change that.
3) The words FIL used might not be how you would phrase it, but maybe his perception is that he is checking with you on dates.

Things you can do:
1) Let them know what plans you have or when it would be a good time to visit. Offer the week before or after.
2) Establish guidelines for guests.
3) Make plans and try to include guests. If transportation is an issue, alternate arrangements can be made.

Remember that grandparents sadly won't be around forever and get to enjoy your children. Interested grandparents are a gift, and as family struggles and personalities can clash, we set our differences aside, so our children will enjoy their company and have lasting memories.

If respecting your parenting choices is an issue, then you or DH need to address that.

I'd also keep in mind a 14 hour trip to see the grandkids is a long trip, mostly likely costly, and being away from home (without friends his age, so maybe that's why he brings someone), but he truly loves and wants to see the little ones.

Organizing activities that children & grandparents can enjoy is a great way to pass time, make memories and free up some time for yourself. Think art projects, a trip to the museum, a day at the park, a picnic, baking cookies, games, etc.

Good luck!
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Old 12-06-2012, 10:32 PM   #29
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I would be bothered by the additional, non family guest. I would also request that he Priceline a car for himself, he can get an economy sized car for ten bucks a day if he bids it right. But I'd say all this gently and with some explanation about a planned outing and such. Otherwise visits like this just come with the territory I think.

Last edited by Palooka; 12-06-2012 at 10:33 PM.
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Old 12-06-2012, 10:50 PM   #30
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Re: Would it bother you if..

That wouldn't be able to happen in my house.
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