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Old 12-12-2012, 01:49 AM   #21
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Re: I am not going to manage your diet for you~

can he try something different? i know i hate low cal/fat diets. im always hungry and obsessed with food. low carb on the other hand i love. tons of great recipes and i can eat as much of the approved foods as i want. dh needs to lose a few and is doing low carb with me right now. its def something i could do for life because i feel so much better while eating this way http://yourlighterside.com/

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Old 12-12-2012, 02:22 AM   #22
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Re: I am not going to manage your diet for you~

Almacham has a point. I would also be just as frustrated if I were in your place. If my husband continues to eat his regular meal that is far from his diet meal plan, then I would just quit managing his diet for him.
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Old 12-12-2012, 12:00 PM   #23
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Re: I am not going to manage your diet for you~

Well that did not go spectacularly.

He got all angry and defensive. He says he forgot I bought the dinners so he has been buying salad at work (they have a cafeteria.) He also says he's been walking at work, when he can, but he doesn't take a break hardly at all, I know he eats at his desk and works while eating, so I can't imagine he's walking much. I think that he's just counting the walk between buildings when he has to go to a meeting in a different building. To be fair, he does work at a HUGE company, in their world headquarters, and there are a ton of buildings within walking distance. But I know he's not having meetings in different buildings multiple times a week. He also claims that he has been tracking. I dunno, maybe he is at work. I did see that he had several tracking spreadsheets downloaded to his laptop when I was installing the new printer last night.

Ultimately, he got mad at me feeling like I was accusing him of being lazy, I apologized for making him feel that way because that was not where I was going with this, then HE apologized for not working as hard as he could, but nothing was really resolved. And I tossed his lunch in a bag for him last night before bed.

I think what I am going to do is..

Make the lunch most nights still. I really prefer to make lunches for the 17 year old anyway, because she's really squeezing as much into her life as she can (she's taking several honors classes, has one job and is looking for a second/better one, is president of one club and helps around the house when I ask, most of the time) So if I am going to make lunch for the teenager, I can put it together for DH. BUT, if the baby is making it difficult or DD1 doesn't have school or put her own together, then it's on him.

Dinners, I am going to keep the simple ones to his plan, which is not difficult anyway. Dinners are supposed to be a 4 oz serving of protein, 2 cups of veggies, and a half cup of whole grains. Most dinners that I make are in keeping with that simple formula anyway. But I am going to stop measuring all his stuff separately for him. When I made a casserole, I was measuring all his separately, and essentially making him is own individual casserole, he didn't have to think about a thing.

When I am not home to make dinner, out shopping, whatever, that's all on him. I am done making sure everything is set aside for him. I will shop to make sure the healthy stuff is in the house (which I do anyway) but it's up to him to meat his meal plan. I am not going to avoid bringing all snacks into the house though...if I want to bake some cookies, I am gonna, it's up to him to control himself.

I am however thinking of putting together an exercise plan for myself. I don't need to lose weight at all, but Indy has a Mini Marathon and 5k walk/run every year as part of the 500 Festival. I am thinking I want to do that, and am not in good enough shape to do the 5k yet. He mentioned he wanted to do it with me, so I will set up my own exercise schedule that just happens to be at a convenient time for him, and if he wants to get up and join me, fine, if not fine.
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Old 12-12-2012, 12:43 PM   #24
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Re: I am not going to manage your diet for you~

I don't really have any advice, just mainly that I think I can understand how you're feeling.

My DH had a heart attack at the end of March, a serious one where he had angioplasty and a stent Anyway, the doctor advised he exercise and change his diet (DH needs to lose 40 - 60 lbs) AND attend a workshop/support type of thing that our insurance offers.

So for a month, he was totally on board. Changed his diet dramatically, juicing daily etc. He started losing some weight and was feeling good. Then he stopped. He also suffers from gout, and experienced a series of gout flare-ups that really affected his mood. I think he felt like giving up. He didn't attend the workshop despite many calls and letters from the doctor. He does eat what I make/pack for him, but also will complain if it's not tasty or enough quantity. He's overweight, takes a bunch of heart meds now, and doesn't exercise.

He's actually, FINALLY, going to see about being evaluated for depression. After his heart attack he told his doctor he thought he was depressed, but the doctor just said it was normal to feel like that post-heart-attack. So we waited and waited. I finally had a very serious, crying, heart-to-heart w/DH to finally get him to agree to investigate. Even if it's just in the short term so he can get his life back on track and do what he needs to do. And even after he said he'd do it, about 10 days later I reminded him that he promised he do it and he finally did make an appointment...for this Friday.

Anyway, I think that you did the right thing to help our your DH with his meals etc. But as far as why your DH isn't taking the steps HE needs to do, maybe there is something going on emotionally. You sound like you are doing MORE than what I did for my DH but you can't make him eat it and you can't make him exercise. Maybe you can have a crying, emotional, heart-to-heart? Maybe you can tell him about my DH, who almost died of a heart-attack at age 37. And, that night at the hospital, DH was not the only man in his 30s who was there as a result of a heart-attack

Today I also ordered this for my DH as an impulsive, last-minute Christmas gift. I'm hoping he'll keep it under his desk at work and use it through the day:

http://www.drugstore.com/products/pr...367&aid=332800

I mean, he's already going to be sitting there at his desk most of the time, so it seems like he could pedal while he's working. I doubt it is the best way to exercise, but something is better than nothing.

ETA -- > DH used to love lifting weights, from when he was 16 and I guess he stopped in his mid-20s. We are working on re-conditioning his bench and his weights, and setting up a sheltered area that he can use for lifting (outside...luckily the weather isn't too crazy where we live so he will be able to lift year-round)
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Old 12-12-2012, 03:08 PM   #25
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Re: I am not going to manage your diet for you~

I think it can be hard to expect dramatic changes all at once. For some folks that works, but not for everyone. If he's trying to eat better (salads for lunch is a start) then you should praise his efforts, but also make him be accountable for his own health.

It sounds like you have a good plan with the dinners and lunches. I'm not sure I agree with the "if I want a cookie I'm going to have one and he has to control himself" idea at this point. He clearly can't right now because he hasn't created the HABIT of a healthy lifestyle yet. A habit develops over time. My advice would be to bring in healthy options or to make healthy cookies for all of you guys.

I'm a very healthy person, go back and forth between being vegan, and have no problem passing up fried foods or other unhealthy things my DH makes but with certain junk food things (sweets, generally) I have a REALLY hard time saying no. I workout 5-6x a week, lead accountability groups and fitness challenge groups, and promote clean eating and even for me, it's hard when it's right there in my face and I'm someone who already has the habit of a healthy lifestyle. So, that's just something to consider.

Other than that, it sounds like you have a solid plan and hopefully your DH will get on board and want to be more invested in his health.
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Old 12-12-2012, 03:20 PM   #26
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Re: I am not going to manage your diet for you~

My husband does the same thing periodically. We actually had a trainer for a while before my daughter was born and spent WAY too much money on it that we really shouldn't have. He did lose weight, but as soon as the training sessions ended and the trainer moved to australia, he got off the wagon and stopped exercising. Now he's decided again that he wants to lose weight and says he has a plan. But....I do not "help" him with it because he doesn't take the food I make. I just try to make good food at home and what he does on his own time is up to him. He gave up diet drink and sodas and now says that he's going to start running. I will beleive it when I see it.
Basically I've learned to let him do what he wants. I trust that he will do the right thing eventually. I support him when he makes a decision that I agree with, and I try to ignore the decisions that drive me crazy. I used to pester him about it, but it never helped, so I'm done with that. I just bought him a pair of barefoot running shoes on clearance and he's excited to try them. If he doesn't run in them...oh well. But I think that he might stick with it this time. It also helps that we stick generally to a WAPF diet that is not low fat and features lots of grass-fed meats, eggs, and cream and butter. It's just good food that he wants to eat.
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Old 12-12-2012, 03:24 PM   #27
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Re: I am not going to manage your diet for you~

Also, he might like this guy, Matt Stone of www.180degreehealth.com
He's really a "guy's guy", and his approach to health is really guy friendly, even though as a woman I appreciate it also. He just came out with a cheap e-book that your husband might like called "eat for heat".
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