Bathroom issue, perhaps TMI

[Geckmumto3]

We have a neighbour, close friend to DD who has a health issue that is managed by taking regular supplements. These supplements lead to her having some diarrhea issues/loose stool. She is almost 10.

A while ago, her mother told me a story about how a receptionist at an optometrist they visit frequently had embarrassed the daughter by calling her out in front of the mother on the mess she regularly left in the bathroom. As in, there is often poop on the seat, smears, etc... The mom was livid that the receptionist was not more sensitive about this, and felt the receptionist didn't need to say anything. Apparently, the receptionist mentioned that it had been left in this way many times and she felt she needed to say something.

So, we have the same issue here. This child is here often; she comes for playdates, sleep overs, car pooling to extra curriculars. Every time she is here, there are always messes left in the bathroom. Always. She is here today, and DH just came to me, outraged that one of the children had left such a mess in the bathroom.

I am not really sure how to approach this. If the mother had not already relayed that story to me, I would just say, "Hey (Mom), I know your DD's meds leave her with these issues, but how can best approach her at our house so she is not leaving poop all over the toilet?" I mean, the kid is almost 10, this is a life long issue she will have, she needs to be responsible for it, IMO. I am also tempted to just put some lysol wipes in the bathroom and point them out to the kid when she is here. "Just in case you should need these, here are some wipes. Feel free to throw the used wipes in the garbage can."

Thoughts? What would you do?

[MDever]

That is an awful issue to have to deal with but I agree that a 10yo neuro-typical child should be responsible for cleaning up. Not to mention being careful! How in the world is she creating that sort of mess? I am sorry for anyone with chronic health issues that can be embarassing and I can see how the mom would be sensitive about this issue but she is not doing her daughter any justice by not teaching her appropriate coping skills(this from a person who had childhood health issues). I was going to suggest the anti-bacterial wipes before you even said it in your post. I am sure as long as you are compassionate it will be just fine. At 10 she should well be able to understand the heath ramifications to others who might come into contact with her "mess".

[mysticmomma1879]

I think perhaps the issue is the shaming in public by the receptionist. Talking to her quietly and privately should be fine. Make sure she knows we all have accidents but have to clean them up and show her how.

[Mom2Connor]

Ouch, that is a tough topic to approach so I can understand your position! How friendly is the daughter with you and how comfortable is she? I am not sure if it would be appropriate to talk to the daughter about it yourself, or if she would likely be humiliated and mention it to mom when she gets home, thereby starting a fight with momma bear who may feel DD has been slighted in some way?

I like the lysol idea, and there are also the flushable cottonelle (sp) wipes. She might be more comfortable with those since she can use them and flush them. I am just thinking outloud here, consider how many young girls flush pads/tampons (even though they knew better), etc because they don't want to put it in the trash for everyone to know about YK and can't really understand the problems it can cause in the pipes? The flushable ones might be better. Maybe just set them out when she's there and talk to her or mom about using them. How to approach that topic is a tough one, hopefully someone has some suggestions there.

I would probably be inclined to approach the mom to talk to DD about it just so it doesn't cause an issue there.

[EmmaGM]

Is there something else going on with the girl besides the one health issue? At 10 years old I would think she would be embarrassed enough about her mess that she would clean it up without confrontation..?

Trying to wrap my head around HOW she makes such a mess...

[TinaDeanette]

Originally Posted by mysticmomma1879 I think perhaps the issue is the shaming in public by the receptionist. Talking to her quietly and privately should be fine. Make sure she knows we all have accidents but have to clean them up and show her how.

I totally agree with this.

[NotLad]

Originally Posted by EmmaGM Trying to wrap my head around HOW she makes such a mess...

Could be from hovering?

Approach the mom with compassion and love. Acknowledge the difficulty and brainstorm ways to help. Reinforce the idea that you have love for her daughter and you want to help. I'm sure if its happening at your house, it's happening at school. The poor kid must be beyond mortified, especially after being confronted so harshly.

[GEM Cloth]

I would just say simply, "Please clean up after yourself. Use those wipes to clean up the toilet, floor, etc. when you are finished."

[Heather8183]

How does the mom NOT know though?! I mean, if my kid was having these issues, the first thing I would teach her is how to clean up after herself to save her the embarrassment!

[crazyeyesmcgee]

Originally Posted by Heather8183 How does the mom NOT know though?! I mean, if my kid was having these issues, the first thing I would teach her is how to clean up after herself to save her the embarrassment!

These are my thoughts, too. I would think I would be spending lots of time helping my daughter with this.