My 17 month old is draining us

[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by doodah Since you know that he does all these things with the daycare provider but just not you, I really think that your little one knows that he can get his way at home. I have several daycare kids over the years that did everything expected at daycare but were quite the little tyrants at home. I am sorry if that is harsh.... this isnt going to fixed until you and the hubby get very firm and consistent with him. no TV period. do it cold turkey until he shows that he can play independently at home. I would expect this to take a couple weeks to a couple months, depending on how stubborn he is. no matter how much he cries for TV, dont give in! do the meals and if he doesnt want it, then he can wait till the next meal to eat. I dont have picky eaters here but I also never make meals based on lists of what kids eat. He will not starve, I promise. carrying is tougher but I would recommend limiting it to carrying only when necessary. if he wants attention, sit down next to him or let him climb in your lap to read a book but no more carrying around the house. I realize that is not something that every mom is comfortable with but that is what I would do. as for the clingy, that might be his nature but either way, just make goodbyes short and sweet. there is nothing else you can do. i do recommend that my daycare parents walk the kid to the door so mom doesnt have to rip him off her body and cause more drama by physically removing him.

I agree.

He doesn't sound particularly different than my own LO was a few months ago. Except that he knows who he can get away with things from and who he can't.

the TV has taught him to be a 'passive observer', so yeah.. of course it'll work. But if he has no more access to it, he'll learn... or.. he might just be like my DD and not really do toys. She's a gross motor child. Or we read. All day. I try other toys and they last a few minutes and she wants another book.. But it is getting better.. she's doing really well with her kitchen, but it is only 1 day old, we'll see if it lasts. Mostly, we read or do flash cards.

If he wants to play with light switches or whatever, put a stool and let him play with it. You can maybe get something done in those 30 minutes At that age, DD also loved playing in the sink. I hated the water waste, but she loved the water. I got her a water table and she didn't care as much about it, but you could try a water table indoors.. maybe more sensory play with beans or dry corn in a big bucket... it's a mess, but for some kids, sensory interests them more than big box toys.

but otherwise, I think post quoted above has it right. He doesn't fight with daycare because he knows he's not allowed. I've watched my friend's kid before and he's an angel.. until his mom comes to pick him up and we're chatting and then he's pushing every limit to see what he can get away with.

[firsttimeclothmomma]

Thanks for all the responses. It felt good to get it off my chest and feels even better to know you guys don't think I'm a terrible mom.

I do realize there's a major power struggle starting. DH often loses his patience faster than I do, so I'm constantly trying to get him to stick to his guns (i.e. with the TV). I have started to let LO cry and carry on a few minutes when it's nothing but drama.

Just nice to know I'm not alone.. I know he'll get better.

And I don't take anything offensively.. everything said is with good intent. I also think he's extremely easier when around other children (which shockingly enough doesn't make me want to give him siblings any faster LOL) - and why he does better at daycare - he has stimulation, friends his size, plenty of imaginative and spontaneous play that DH and I can't always give him at home.

One day at a time ...

[mibarra]

Originally Posted by firsttimeclothmomma Thanks for all the responses. It felt good to get it off my chest and feels even better to know you guys don't think I'm a terrible mom. I do realize there's a major power struggle starting. DH often loses his patience faster than I do, so I'm constantly trying to get him to stick to his guns (i.e. with the TV). I have started to let LO cry and carry on a few minutes when it's nothing but drama. Just nice to know I'm not alone.. I know he'll get better. And I don't take anything offensively.. everything said is with good intent. I also think he's extremely easier when around other children (which shockingly enough doesn't make me want to give him siblings any faster LOL) - and why he does better at daycare - he has stimulation, friends his size, plenty of imaginative and spontaneous play that DH and I can't always give him at home. One day at a time ...

Plus the power of peer pressure at daycare is amazing. If all the other kids are eating their greenbeans/going to sleep/etc then it MUST be a good idea!

[brittrblackwell]

My first DS was so laid back and calm but 18m DS2 is a terror. By the end of the day I'm totally exhausted. All I can say is that each kid is different and they go through stages. Breath and handle problems one at a time, day by day. This won't last forever, so just get though the day the best you can.

Ps.
Venting on MB's is great! Being frustrated and feeling like know one knows or cares can make the situation worse. Kids pick up on vibes.

[TrishB]

Google Dr. Sears High Needs baby. If you think yours fits the list at all, PM me.

[BrownCowMama]

Sorry you're experiencing this... We have one like this too. It's SO fruSterating and sadly somedays makes me wish we used better birth control! (Him and older ds are 13 mo apart, so he was not planned..) We love the beans outta him, but tests our patience and sanity to no end some days!!

We find that we need to talk him thru everything. Explain everything....like talking to someone who knows absolutely nothing. He needs to be told why a lot and how we do things so he doesn't get fruSterating and scream at every.single.thing!!

I'm reading a book called The Whole Brained Child (or something like that) and am finding it helpful!

[luvsviola]

Hugs mama! It will get better. At that age, all my kids liked to do was throw toys on the floor. In a couple months, he will be a completely different kid. But it is such a frustrating age because communication is not good, frustration is high for kiddo who can do very little for himself yet, and he has no control.

Maybe try making concerted efforts to play with him and teach him how to play with things so he can learn to play on his own. At daycare, there are other kids and distractions, so it is easier for him to be entertained.

Picky eating--totally the age. My kids would eat ANYTHING when they were little, and then often get to the "white" diet about this age. It gets better as they get older.

DD2 is 21 months. Some days she naps at 11 and some days at 1. It depends on the day. I try to keep her up as late as possible (if she naps at 11, she's up by 2 and that makes for a REALLY long afternoon...). But some days I just can't stand her anymore and she has to go to bed for everyone's sanity.

Good luck mama. Give it time. As his communication gets better and he gets older, it will get easier.

[firsttimeclothmomma]

Originally Posted by brittrblackwell My first DS was so laid back and calm but 18m DS2 is a terror. By the end of the day I'm totally exhausted. All I can say is that each kid is different and they go through stages. Breath and handle problems one at a time, day by day. This won't last forever, so just get though the day the best you can. Ps. Venting on MB's is great! Being frustrated and feeling like know one knows or cares can make the situation worse. Kids pick up on vibes.

Thanks -- but what's MBs??

Originally Posted by TrishB Google Dr. Sears High Needs baby. If you think yours fits the list at all, PM me.

I did this a LOT when he was an infant. I was always on the fence about whether he was or not. I borrowed Raising your Spirited Kid from my library and then immediately went out and bought it because even though a lot of the cases were for 3-8 y/os, the book described MY child to a T.

Originally Posted by BrownCowMama Sorry you're experiencing this... We have one like this too. It's SO fruSterating and sadly somedays makes me wish we used better birth control! We find that we need to talk him thru everything. Explain everything....like talking to someone who knows absolutely nothing. He needs to be told why a lot and how we do things so he doesn't get fruSterating and scream at every.single.thing!!

LOL to the first.. I totally get this.
And YES to the second. This is gotten easier as he develops more words and comprehension, but talking to him about everything has proven a TAD More effective.

Originally Posted by luvsviola Hugs mama! It will get better. Picky eating--totally the age. My kids would eat ANYTHING when they were little, and then often get to the "white" diet about this age. It gets better as they get older. DD2 is 21 months. Some days she naps at 11 and some days at 1. It depends on the day. I try to keep her up as late as possible (if she naps at 11, she's up by 2 and that makes for a REALLY long afternoon...). But some days I just can't stand her anymore and she has to go to bed for everyone's sanity. Good luck mama. Give it time. As his communication gets better and he gets older, it will get easier.

So did you just not worry about the fact the she NEVER ate a vegetable? For months? lol
And YES to the napping early. Drives me nuts, but those days he's in bed by 6:15.

[Kabuki24]

OP: We have the exact same kid I swear! Totally a different kid at daycare too! I'm so subbing this one.

[brittrblackwell]

Originally Posted by firsttimeclothmomma but what's MBs?? .

Message boards or forums.