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Old 12-28-2012, 02:11 PM   #1
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never learning to nurse discreetly?

I have a friend who's baby is 8 months old, and she still has never been able to learn to nurse discreetly. She has nursing tank tops and is a tshirt kind of person, so she's already got all the tools you need to nurse discreetly, but just doesn't? She still does the newborn hold where she whips out the entire breast and doing the Crossover Hold/Cross Cradle which I typically find to be more revealing when you could just cradle them and hide the side boob and let your shirt fall to hid the top boob and very little skin shows. She won't nurse in public, her husband doesn't like when she nurses in front of others, and my husband always has to go to the other room when she's over, so she's not just choosing to whip it out because she thinks there is nothing sexual about boobs ... should I offer some tips or help on how to nurse discreetly, or just keep my mouth shut? I don't want to make her feel even MORE insecure about how much she's showing because she's not overly committed to breastfeeding and I feel like it'd just be one more reason for her to wean early (baby has no teeth yet, but she keeps saying as soon as he has teeth, she's weaning). But then again, she sees me nursing showing nothing all the time, and has never attempted to mimic?? I nurse discreetly without a cover with my BIL and other men in the room all the time. I make sure to warn anyone who might get a peep to look away during the latch on(actually, most of the time they hear me say I'm going to feed the baby, and just know), and then once latched and adjusted, literally not even a peep of skin is showing.

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Old 12-28-2012, 02:17 PM   #2
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

I probably wouldn't say anything about nursing discreetly. I might offer to help her learn a different hold though. One that is easier on her arms.
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Old 12-28-2012, 02:27 PM   #3
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Who cares? Is there a rule that someone has to nurse a certain way? No, and why does your husband have to leave the room? Surely he is a grown man who can handle seeing a boob. I don't know just seems childish to me, there should be no shame in nursing however a mother chooses.

I would keep my mouth shut.
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Old 12-28-2012, 02:37 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ktmelody
Who cares? Is there a rule that someone has to nurse a certain way? No, and why does your husband have to leave the room? Surely he is a grown man who can handle seeing a boob. I don't know just seems childish to me, there should be no shame in nursing however a mother chooses.

I would keep my mouth shut.
This is pretty much how I was thinking.
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Old 12-28-2012, 02:41 PM   #5
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Gah, I wish I could nurse discreetly. I somehow missed that lesson. My dd is 11 months old and I still use a cover or go int the other room in front of my brother. (for his sake, not mine). I have DDDD breasts and I still have to support my breast for dd to be able to breathe and nurse at the same time. Maybe it is just the way she is built? I honestly wouldn't worry about it unless she asks.
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Old 12-28-2012, 03:03 PM   #6
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

same as the others, i wouldnt' say anything, she's been doing it for 8 months now so she's obviously got some sort of system that works for her.
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Old 12-28-2012, 03:23 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ktmelody
Who cares? Is there a rule that someone has to nurse a certain way? No, and why does your husband have to leave the room? Surely he is a grown man who can handle seeing a boob. I don't know just seems childish to me, there should be no shame in nursing however a mother chooses.

I would keep my mouth shut.
This.
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Old 12-28-2012, 04:23 PM   #8
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

I agree with everyone else.

I'm on my 6th baby including 2 sets of twins. I can't nurse discreetly very well. I either cover or leave the room. I also use cross cradle with all my babies no matter the age. It is SO much more comfortable for me. I strongly dislike the regular cradle hold. Also, I can't let go of my breast while baby is nursing either. If I do, baby will lose it. It isn't like I'm a novice or haven't tried hard enough. I have a good amount of experience. It's the size and shape and weight of my breasts. It just doesn't work well. I can nurse slightly more discreetly than I do once baby is on, but I honestly prefer to have most of my breast exposed because I can see better. I'm extremely sensitive if baby's latch isn't perfect. So, I keep a very close eye on it and am very picky about our position. If I really want to, I can be pretty discreete, but it is a lot of work and I don't like it.

I don't worry about it if there are women in the room. I just don't expose as much breast and don't worry about a cover. But, if there are men, I'll use a cover or often leave the room. I prefer to leave the room than fumble with a cover.

Therefore, I wouldn't assume she needs any tips. I'd just leave her be.
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Old 12-28-2012, 04:40 PM   #9
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Re: never learning to nurse discreetly?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ktmelody View Post
Who cares? Is there a rule that someone has to nurse a certain way? No, and why does your husband have to leave the room? Surely he is a grown man who can handle seeing a boob. I don't know just seems childish to me, there should be no shame in nursing however a mother chooses.

I would keep my mouth shut.
1) he is a modest, faithful man that never looks at other women and personally doesn't care to see another woman other than his wife's breasts - yes they are feeding tools for babies, but we both know and understand them to be sexual body parts as well
2) because my friend is not comfortable nursing in public or in front of others, especially males, because of how much she shows (I THOUGHT I made that part clear in my OP....)
3) for the reasons above, my husband is not childish, he's modest and respectful, thank you VERY much!

I can understand the issues of having really large breasts that can make it impossible or near impossible to nurse discreetly.. I just don't quite understand why she doesn't choose to nurse more discreetly when she's obviously not comfortable with others seeing her breasts when she's nursing.
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Old 12-28-2012, 04:50 PM   #10
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I think there are many women who are NEVER comfortable nursing in front of others, discreetly or otherwise. I know some mamas pump and give bottles when in public to avoid the whole nursing in public thing. FWIW I wouldn't say anything other than praising her for continuing to nurse- every mama deserves to hear that whether they nurse for 8 weeks or 8 months! My LO does not like to nurse under a cover or discreetly- he will lift my shirt to show some skin at times even if I completely covered. I'm in the "if it bothers you don't look" camp
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