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Old 01-02-2013, 10:09 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by mommy24babes
Just wanted to throw this out there.
My Ds1 had horrible behavior. Long story short he had a combination of food allergies and obstructive sleep apnea. Poor kids was exhausted all the time. He is like a different kid now.
Thanks- ds2 has multiple allergies & I've been greatly considering getting ds1 tested. I've heard silent reflux more often & asked him what's up & been told " maybe I'm chocking on xyz- whatever food/drink he had recently. Another allergy indicator.


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Old 01-03-2013, 12:27 AM   #22
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I posted a few weeks ago about my three year old who was basically being a PITA every waking second, so I understand. A few things that have helped here are:
I try to give him lots of projects and jobs to do that he likes (this seems to curtail the evil 'let's see if I can break it' moments).
I narrate what is going to happen way in advance for the things he doesn't like (mainly transitions, especially getting into the car). I give him lots of control over the order we do things.
I have been really focusing on and praising his good behavior, and trying to do and say nice things to him 'just because,' hoping he will emulate.
I encourage him to take some time to himself when he starts to get mean or starts to yell, to 'cool off.' He has even started sometimes saying he needs a few minutes alone.

His behavior has improved dramatically the past few weeks. Of course, it could have nothing to do with how we interact with him, and just be the ever-changing child hang in there!

ETA: another thing that really seems to help DS is acting things out/discussing issues in a story. He had a huge meltdown the other night because he didn't want to put his buckles on in the car (which is of course non-negotiable). After he calmed down I told him a story of a little boy who didn't want to put his buckles on and his mom let him leave them off and then the boy got hurt. DS asked me to tell it a few more times. This morning he helped me buckle him in. It doesn't always work that perfectly, but it's worth a shot for the things that are really tough right now.
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Old 01-03-2013, 12:39 AM   #23
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Re: AP parents come help me...

My son is in therapy for ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). For tantrums, you completely ignore. Basically, when the child can't get your attention in a positive way, he does every bad thing he can think of to get negative attention, because it is still attention. So if he is tantruming, and you are giving him any eye contact, or any indication that you can hear him, you are feeding into the tantrums, and they will continue to get more crazy as he seeks to up the ante.

There is a great book called Parenting your Defiant Child by Kazdin. Our psychologist and our Developmental Pediatrician both recommended it, and it is really helping with DS. He is responding better, and his interactions with us are much more pleasant. The biggest change has been in his listening and obeying.

Another one I really like is 1-2-3 Magic. Simple and effective.
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Old 01-03-2013, 01:40 AM   #24
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Re: AP parents come help me...

I ignore tantrums like that. It doesn't stop them but it does help. It also helps me. I put him in a safe place and walk away. When he is calmed down we are then able to talk.

The best way to combat the tantrums is to give him attention when he is being good and to show him the right way to behave by acting how you want him to behave yourself. I know for some people acknowledging their feelings can stop a tantrum from occurring.My kids are very emotional and it can be very hard. I use to not handle things how I want but I been making a conscious effort to not yell and to handle things calmly even when I don't feel that way.
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Old 01-03-2013, 05:27 AM   #25
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Re: AP parents come help me...

Originally Posted by mrseum View Post
I have left him. For VBS: once I left him & he was ok. The next day he cried for 1/2 an hour... & I know it's the learning process, but I hate causing him stress. It breaks my heart. Once I left him with his own grand parents to get my hair done & he cried for an hour & was horse when I came back. He knows them & loves them. It shouldn't be like that, I don't think. They where very loving kind & patient with him.
Did you notice that you keep saying that You don't like to cause him stress, You don't like to see him fuss because it breaks Your heart, You want him to know he's loved so you cuddle him when he's acting in an inappropriate way. Sounds like it has a lot to do with your feelings. I understand how it feels to "be the bad guy", to not like to see your child be stressed. But some stress can be good, learning how to handle his emotions is good (and needed!), learning to get attention by being kind and loving is good, knowing you have boundaries of things he can not do is so good for him. These things are so important now and as he ages. We have to lay down what we want for the benefit of our children in these areas. It benefits them sooo much.

Keeping in mind you do not want to spank:

I recommend praising, praising, praising for all things good he does! Anything... somedays it will feel like you are grasping at straws, but even if it's just when he is sitting down to eat and he is being still, "I love how nicely you are sitting." or things like "You are getting so big now!" haha. The first few times, he might decide to test those things if he's not used to it; but then he'll learn to accept praise and LOVE praise for whenever he is doing good. It makes him feel good, it gives him encouragement, it helps him grow emotionally, he'll start striving to do good to get it! A reward chart (using stickers) might also be really good for him right now. To be able to see the outcome of good behavior (and do not give him stickers on areas he was not good in just so you don't have to see him cry! haha. he'll be sad about it, but it will help him remember to try harder the next day! Whenever my boys: 5,4, and 2, get all sad and sometimes weepy about not getting a smiley face on certain tasks or behavior for the day, I just say, "Honey, you chose how to act and so you chose not to get a smiley face. Let's try harder tomorrow!!! (end on a happy note).

When he starts throwing his tantrums, you need to ignore that! Even if it's 1-1/2 hours (a few times in my boys' life (like 2 during their 3 year old stage, honestly!) they have had crazy meltdowns... like monkeys in a cage freakouts/can't even put them in the corner/screaming so loud they can't even hear me... over something so small too... I put them in their room, on their bed and told them, "I will come back up when you are done acting like this. Stay in your room because it's not okay." 1 to 1-1/2 hours later, I would hear them calm down and would run upstairs (so I didn't miss that done-window). Their room would be a mess, they were snotty/heavy breathing messes, but quiet and calm. I'd hold them and tell them that this fit was not okay, usually have a story to go along with it, talk about the right way they should have handled it, and that we need to learn how to control ourselves (like what if mommy did what you did when she got mad?). Then they'd have to say they were sorry to me and clean up their room!!! Those fits were rare... like I said, I think they had 2 each.
I think if you ignore his behavior (I would do the corner first and if it's very distracting to the family, then putting him in his bed would be the next thing), it will be a LOT worse before it gets better. He is really going to try to do what USED to work (ie: mommy will come up and cuddle me if I really scream a lot!)... when he realizes that there are new rules, he'll come around and be a much happier/adjusted kid because of it. You have to remind yourself that you are doing HIM a favor with this new training... it will keep you strong. Be consistent (that is key) as he will not get confused and know what is expected of him.

Usually the corner works, taking away a privelege for inappropriate behavior, the reward chart, lots of praise for good behavior, training on site (like if I see a potential hitting issue fast approaching between the boys... running over and teaching them how to handle their arguement), etc. We do spank for lying.
We have to train our kiddos up with rules and boundaries and lots of good, worthy praise to help them succeed in life. Doing this while they are young, will make life easier for them in the long run!!! You are giving him building blocks for later.

((hugs)). The age of 3 is rough. Somedays you'll feel like a drill sergeant, but this time will pass.
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Old 01-03-2013, 09:01 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by mrseum

I have left him. For VBS: once I left him & he was ok. The next day he cried for 1/2 an hour... & I know it's the learning process, but I hate causing him stress. It breaks my heart. Once I left him with his own grand parents to get my hair done & he cried for an hour & was horse when I came back. He knows them & loves them. It shouldn't be like that, I don't think. They where very loving kind & patient with him.
Great advice already.

Just wanted to mention that DD would cry horribly when I took her to church nursery. And so DH did it and while she cried at first, she got over it quickly and started going happily. Then I had to take her and she was very uneasy again.

Because she was picking up on my stress and anxiety. I felt like she was going to be stressed and that stressed me. DH was more nonchalant about it, so she was nonchalant about it.

They pick up on how you feel. It's hard. But you could be shooting yourself in the foot simply by how you're projecting feelings.

Now that she's been fine at church for so long and I'm confident - I can take her. She picks up on the confidence and excels due to it.
SAHM to Magnolia May (09/10) and Luke Russett (04/13) and wife and best friend to my airman.
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