Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-03-2013, 08:25 AM   #11
DalesWidda's Avatar
DalesWidda
Registered Users
Formerly: savmaralamommy
seller
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Delavan, WI
Posts: 5,894
My Mood:
Re: need help with my daughter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MDever View Post
It is so hard to watch your child suffer that way. I have a son with emotional/mental health concerns and it can be heartbreaking. I also grew up feeling very like your daughter as well as working in a program for like issues. My best advice is to help her understand her differences and keep telling her all day every day how amazing she is. She will balk and refuse the compliment but some of it will seep in there. I felt so different in my skin when I got a bit older (highschool) and embraced my weirdness. I call it waving my freak flag Learning to appreciate your unique self is a challenge for so many women. Our children look to us for lessons on how to negotiate the world and I bet if you felt better so would she I still struggle everyday with anxiety. My kids know that but they also see that I am a fighter and I will not let it rule our lives.
Thank you. She is a very special and unique girl.

Advertisement

__________________
Tanya, mama to four wonderful girls, wifey to my favorite guy
DalesWidda is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2013, 11:52 AM   #12
bluedaisyma's Avatar
bluedaisyma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 8,721
A few of my older kids are a bit unique and they deal with it in different ways. One thing that helped tremendously was homeopathy. We used to go to a homeopathist and she helped my sons immensely.
__________________
Jul, This used to be a great place
bluedaisyma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2013, 12:13 PM   #13
dancermommy1's Avatar
dancermommy1
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,167
Re: need help with my daughter.

I second (or third or fourth) those on here who encouraged you to encourage her to embrace her differences. It's hard for kids to be different, but the thing is, our differences make us beautiful.

I don't know if you are at all religious, or care about this kind of thing at all, but it really helps me to know that God has made each of us unique, special, and with a very specific and special purpose. There is a Christian song out there that I love, and it says "There could never be a more beautiful you--don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops they make you jump through... You were made to fill a purpose that only you can do." I know Christians don't do a very good job showing acceptance always, but I do know someone who did---and that is Jesus. So, if you'll pardon my mini-sermon, maybe helping her find her spiritual path and purpose (in whatever way you see fit) would be of value to her.

Otherwise, I think you are doing a lot to help her now. Maybe her medication could use adjustment, as well. It sounds like her anxiety is overwhelming. I have problems with anxiety as well, and it has taken me a decade to get to the right solution (for now, anyway, lol).

Hugs, mama.
__________________
Bellydancing, Jesus-loving, cloth-diapering ecologist and Mommy to Michael Christopher, born July 8, 2010!!

Please Visit my ETSY store benefiting women and children in poverty! http://www.etsy.com/shop/conspiracyoflove

YOU can make a difference in developing countries, one precious child at a time! http://conspiracy-of-love.blogspot.com
dancermommy1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2013, 12:23 PM   #14
DalesWidda's Avatar
DalesWidda
Registered Users
Formerly: savmaralamommy
seller
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Delavan, WI
Posts: 5,894
My Mood:
Re: need help with my daughter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dancermommy1 View Post
I second (or third or fourth) those on here who encouraged you to encourage her to embrace her differences. It's hard for kids to be different, but the thing is, our differences make us beautiful.

I don't know if you are at all religious, or care about this kind of thing at all, but it really helps me to know that God has made each of us unique, special, and with a very specific and special purpose. There is a Christian song out there that I love, and it says "There could never be a more beautiful you--don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops they make you jump through... You were made to fill a purpose that only you can do." I know Christians don't do a very good job showing acceptance always, but I do know someone who did---and that is Jesus. So, if you'll pardon my mini-sermon, maybe helping her find her spiritual path and purpose (in whatever way you see fit) would be of value to her.

Otherwise, I think you are doing a lot to help her now. Maybe her medication could use adjustment, as well. It sounds like her anxiety is overwhelming. I have problems with anxiety as well, and it has taken me a decade to get to the right solution (for now, anyway, lol).

Hugs, mama.
We are a Christian home, and I love that song. Maybe her meds do need tweaking. That is something to look into. Maybe we need to try a new psychotherapist.
__________________
Tanya, mama to four wonderful girls, wifey to my favorite guy
DalesWidda is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2013, 04:27 PM   #15
mcpforever's Avatar
mcpforever
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Bama
Posts: 11,738
My Mood:
Re: need help with my daughter.

How close do you think she is to starting her menses? I wonder if there may be some hormonal things coming into play right now.

Aside from that, her perfectionist tendencies sound much like DS 1 to me. He's 10.5 and ADHD PI and in the GT program at school. The being afraid to fail, sensitivity and sense of responsibility is much like my son-except he is a little on the socially clueless side and doesn't tend to notice others noticing him.

Have you read up on gifted children at all? This might be a place to look into for your daughter.

Some things that have helped my son have been the therapist we saw regularly when he was first diagnosed at age 7. She worked really hard with him on self acceptance and self esteem. He has also been put into situations where he isn't the brightest kid there. He had to kind of be ok with failing a bit. It took practice and while he still isn't thrilled with it, he handles it much better. He also participates in TKD and has to deal with imperfection and failure in a class setting where everyone else can see it happen. The good thing about it is that he can see others struggle and overcome as well. There's a lot of stock put on perserverence there. He's getting better at accepting his imperfections. It's still a struggle.
__________________
Melissa-Wife, mother to DS 4/02 and DD 4/07, DS 7/08 DD 7/13
ISO: my lost shaker of salt
mcpforever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2013, 05:25 PM   #16
DalesWidda's Avatar
DalesWidda
Registered Users
Formerly: savmaralamommy
seller
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Delavan, WI
Posts: 5,894
My Mood:
Re: need help with my daughter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mcpforever View Post
How close do you think she is to starting her menses? I wonder if there may be some hormonal things coming into play right now.

Aside from that, her perfectionist tendencies sound much like DS 1 to me. He's 10.5 and ADHD PI and in the GT program at school. The being afraid to fail, sensitivity and sense of responsibility is much like my son-except he is a little on the socially clueless side and doesn't tend to notice others noticing him.

Have you read up on gifted children at all? This might be a place to look into for your daughter.

Some things that have helped my son have been the therapist we saw regularly when he was first diagnosed at age 7. She worked really hard with him on self acceptance and self esteem. He has also been put into situations where he isn't the brightest kid there. He had to kind of be ok with failing a bit. It took practice and while he still isn't thrilled with it, he handles it much better. He also participates in TKD and has to deal with imperfection and failure in a class setting where everyone else can see it happen. The good thing about it is that he can see others struggle and overcome as well. There's a lot of stock put on perserverence there. He's getting better at accepting his imperfections. It's still a struggle.
She is nine, 4'2" and only 50 pounds on a good day. Not anywhere close to menses yet. My eleven year old who is 109 pounds and 5'1.5" tall who has had breasts/hair for quite some time has not even gotten it yet. She's always been this way though. Maybe I need to stop cushioning her so much. I hate seeing her fail but maybe that's what she needs. Thanks for your advice.
__________________
Tanya, mama to four wonderful girls, wifey to my favorite guy
DalesWidda is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2013, 06:14 AM   #17
mcpforever's Avatar
mcpforever
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Bama
Posts: 11,738
My Mood:
Re: need help with my daughter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DalesWidda View Post
She is nine, 4'2" and only 50 pounds on a good day. Not anywhere close to menses yet. My eleven year old who is 109 pounds and 5'1.5" tall who has had breasts/hair for quite some time has not even gotten it yet. She's always been this way though. Maybe I need to stop cushioning her so much. I hate seeing her fail but maybe that's what she needs. Thanks for your advice.
Just to be clear, I mean failing in the sense of things not being perfect the first try or two or three. It means having to take a chance and work to get to the goal. It means doing your best, knowing you did your best, and being proud of your effort even though the end result is more mediocre than excellent.

And it is stinkin painful to watch them flounder, especially when you know it's because they wouldn't put in effort because someone might see them practicing imperfectly or because they just halfway try because they figure it won't be perfect.

I'm not meaning completely bombing with no hope of redemption. Although, we do need to be able to lose at Monopoly gracefully around here.
__________________
Melissa-Wife, mother to DS 4/02 and DD 4/07, DS 7/08 DD 7/13
ISO: my lost shaker of salt
mcpforever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2013, 07:49 AM   #18
DalesWidda's Avatar
DalesWidda
Registered Users
Formerly: savmaralamommy
seller
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Delavan, WI
Posts: 5,894
My Mood:
Re: need help with my daughter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mcpforever View Post
Just to be clear, I mean failing in the sense of things not being perfect the first try or two or three. It means having to take a chance and work to get to the goal. It means doing your best, knowing you did your best, and being proud of your effort even though the end result is more mediocre than excellent.

And it is stinkin painful to watch them flounder, especially when you know it's because they wouldn't put in effort because someone might see them practicing imperfectly or because they just halfway try because they figure it won't be perfect.

I'm not meaning completely bombing with no hope of redemption. Although, we do need to be able to lose at Monopoly gracefully around here.
Oh, I knew what you meant! That's why I said maybe I shouldn't shy away from pushing her when I know she can accomplish more outside her comfort zone. Just so that she can try and try and do her best even if it isn't perfect. Sometimes I just let her stay comfortable in what she excels so she's happy but I'm probably doing her a big disservice. .Thanks!
__________________
Tanya, mama to four wonderful girls, wifey to my favorite guy
DalesWidda is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.