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Old 12-15-2012, 12:07 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by essential1892

Her having to have surgery didn't put a smile on face- it was the fact that she spent a lot of time trying to make me feel bad for something that I shouldn't have felt bad about and then she ended up in the same boat as me. She acted so much better than me, when if she was just normal about her attitude then we could have actually bonded over our pregnancies and our painful recoveries.
I think I understand what you are saying but the way you worded it just seems

What I took from your original post was that you weren't happy that she had a c/s but that she was gloating about having a vbac and trying to make you feel bad for needing/wanting a repeat c/s. You were happy (and maybe that isn't the right term, idk) that she was able to see that choosing or needing a repeat c/s isn't evil and is what is necessary sometimes to have a healthy mom and baby.
I could be off on what she meant but that's how I interpreted what he said. I was a little put off at first until I read it a few times and thought about it.
These mommy wars are really stupid (not just this topic but in general) and I hate to admit but I've been sucked into them once or twice. I wish everyone could just worry about what's best for their family and be happy for others if they chose what is best for theirs. Sadly I don't see that ever happening though. At least not on this board.

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Old 12-15-2012, 03:38 PM   #62
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Re: C-section shame

I've done it both ways. The section was by FAR the harder and least pleasant of the two. I fought and fought for my vbac and am glad to say that I got it, but another mom on my due date forum fought harder than I did, and simply couldn't do it.

I would never pull out the mommy wars on should or shouldn't csection. If you're happy with your birth, I'm happy for you, regardless of how you birthed. I look kinda ascance at some doctors because some are WAY too cut happy - my OB was with my first, which is why she was a section, but I don't blame the mamas. If your trained and trusted medical professional is saying section over and over again, why would you argue?

The answer to all these mommy wars like this is to go and look at a kindergarten class. Outside of extremely rare issues, you won't be able to tell at a glance which kids were bottle and which were breastfed. Which slept in the family bed and who were in cribs. Who were sectioned and who were birthed at home. Who had been cloth diapered and who wore pampers. Who started solids early on gerber purees, and who started them later on organically homegrown steamed veggies. We all do what works for us and most of these things are badges of honor for us, but regardless most of us end up with healthy well adjusted kids regardless.
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Old 01-06-2013, 10:01 PM   #63
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Re: C-section shame

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Originally Posted by myclanof6 View Post
I think I understand what you are saying but the way you worded it just seems

What I took from your original post was that you weren't happy that she had a c/s but that she was gloating about having a vbac and trying to make you feel bad for needing/wanting a repeat c/s. You were happy (and maybe that isn't the right term, idk) that she was able to see that choosing or needing a repeat c/s isn't evil and is what is necessary sometimes to have a healthy mom and baby.
I could be off on what she meant but that's how I interpreted what he said. I was a little put off at first until I read it a few times and thought about it.
These mommy wars are really stupid (not just this topic but in general) and I hate to admit but I've been sucked into them once or twice. I wish everyone could just worry about what's best for their family and be happy for others if they chose what is best for theirs. Sadly I don't see that ever happening though. At least not on this board.
Yes. I obviously did not word what I meant properly. I would never wish a c-section on someone because it in itself is not a fun thing to go through. It was her attitude about the whole thing, trying to make me feel bad for making the best decision for my baby. In the end, she had to make the best decision for her baby and I hope that it put her behavior towards mw into perspective.
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Old 01-06-2013, 10:04 PM   #64
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Re: C-section shame

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Everyone's being pretty snotty to you about this, but quite frankly if someone I knew was giving me crap about having a c-section or a repeat c-section, I would probably be secretly a little happy they saw the other side of it as well. Perhaps the next time they won't be so judgemental since they ended up in the same boat. Y'all can give me the "yuck" face all you want!

there are a lot of c-section momma's here, and it's sad when you look at the birth stories and announcements page that it's 99% "the natural home waterbirth with music playing and all my kids in their PJ's watching" home birth of Juniper Ivy Treefamily. You just almost never see the birth story of Michael David Sam who was born via a c-section at the hospital. I'll bet it's the same reason I won't be sharing my "birth story" - it's not natural enough, and if I end up having a second c-section instead of a VBAC, people are nosy and will judge whether they think you "should" have had one, or they don't reply at all because it wasn't crunchy enough to warrant reading and replying a congratulations.
I was honestly scared to check back on this thread because of so many to what I said- so thanks for understanding what I said
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Old 01-07-2013, 02:20 AM   #65
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Re: C-section shame

I hear ya. It's not always that we didn't try hard enough.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:33 AM   #66
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Re: C-section shame

I am in the same situation, I have people ask me all the time if I am going to have a real delivery with this baby (my third). Since I have had two c-sections. My reply is I am going to deliver the same way I did with my other two which is the only way I can. I broke my pelvis in high school and should not have been able to carry any of my children so they are miracles to start with. I did not find out how badly I broke it until I had my second and my midwife found how it fused back together. People who have never been in the situation where they do not have a choice how they deliver can be insufferable about it. I get this from co-workers as well as family members and friends. Although very annoying I know I am doing what is best for me and my children and it will not matter to them how they were brought into this world. And I love them just the same as if I delivered them naturally.
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Old 01-07-2013, 10:53 AM   #67
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To update: I had to have a repeat C/s because DS did the same thing DD did--flipped face-up during labor. And he has broad shoulders. I tried everything to avoid it: going into labor naturally, avoiding intervention as long as I could stand it, etc. Just wasn't meant to be. Not ashamed by my choice after 14 hours of trying to go vaginal. The way I look at it, having the two C/s allowed my babies to live and me to heal better than to try and force them out with possible lasting effects. My poor DS has bruising over his left eye with him trying to pass through my pelvis with no luck.
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Old 01-07-2013, 12:13 PM   #68
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Congrats on a happy healthy baby and momma!
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Old 01-07-2013, 12:20 PM   #69
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Re: C-section shame

Well... Yesterday on Babygaga.com forums a girl in parenttank posted a topic... First sentence was "Do you think people who have c-sections have the right to say they gave birth"

This makes me see red. First off its no ones business how I give birth the fact of the matter is that I was pregnant and it resulted in a child and it had to come out someway, what way it does doesnt matter, I still gave birth. Secondly the definition of giving birth is to expel a baby from a human body, doesnt say anything about having to come out of the vagina... And thirdly, am I supposed to tell people that I was never pregnant and woke up one day and the stork left it on my door step. Seriously?.... I hate people sometimes. This is the exact reason I get upset over people discussion other women having c-sections, when they say things like "do they have a right" HELL YEAH I have a right, I carried the baby, I got it out of my body, I have every right. Instead of being in pain in labor for 36 hours I was in pain for 3 months after instead. Which one would you pick if you had a choice? seriously? 36 hours or 3 months... No birthing process is easier but the fact that some people like to think I am not entitled to or have a right to say I had a birthing experience or think I took the easier way out really makes me want to cut through their skin, muscle, and then organ and then have them tell me how easy a c-section is then.
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Old 01-07-2013, 03:03 PM   #70
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Not having had a c/s I can't comment on the specifics of that, but it is disheartening to see the "mommy wars" played out like this. Every woman becomes a mama in her own way. Judgments on others choices of birthing is just wrong. I read stuff on ds all the time from women who say I had a c/s it was x or y or z, should I be ashamed I want another c/s or am I crazy to want a vbac.

It kind of makes me crazy that other people feel that they can inject their opinions into your birth. I have friends and family that have made choices I would not, but guess what, it's their choice to make. As long as the mom is educated on her choices, happy with her decision and the baby is healthy, keep your nose and judgment out of her birth.

No mama should feel shame about her choices of birthing.
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