Todder sharing--please help!

[dancermommy1]

My 2.5 year old bosses everyone around and refuses to share (surprise surprise, ha!) I know it's totally normal, but I'm having a hard time knowing how to handle it so I'm teaching him the correct behavior without a million minutes in time out every day. Advice???

[HeatherlovesCDs]

I have 2.5 year old twins (along with 3 olders also and one younger). So, I understand the sharing issue. In our house, we share almost everything that is age appropriate. Of course, there are definitely times when sharing is an issue.

I go by who had something first for who gets to play with it. But, if there are several of an item, generally, I make them share and split them equally. Of course, there are always exceptions for one reason or other.

One will sometimes throw a fit. I don't give in and let them not share. Often, I will tell them if they can't share they can't play all. If they throw a tantrum, I ignore the tantrum. If they are in a common area and bothering others with their tantrum, I move them to another area or their room. Then, I just go about my business and ignore the tantrum. Basically, I handle it like any other tantrum.

I don't usually put them in time out for that. However, if in the course of refusing to share they hit or yell at someone or whatever, I will put them in time out for that offense.

That's pretty much how I handle it at my house. Hope that helps.

[dancermommy1]

Thanks that's pretty much what I've been doing I just wasn't sure that was "enough".

We had company last night and he kept taking everything away from our friend's toddler. It was so crazy because he is in daycare with 12 others and shares all day. Ha. Now that I think about it, maybe that's precisely WHY it's so hard to share at home--he finally has everything to himself!

[escapethevillage]

LOL.. I read that wrong. My first vision was of some sort of "You take him this week, I'll have him next week".

Anyway. In my daycare, we consider "Sharing" is when someone has it, they have it...when they are done, it is someone else's toy. I don't allow anybody to take something away from another child and call it "sharing". Not even the parents are allowed to take something from one child (even their own) to give it to another child.

Toy Hoarding is not O.K either. If the child is not using it or playing with it, just hiding it, I will take it away and let the other child use it. If it turns into a huge meltdown problem, the toy goes into "toy time out" (on top of the fridge) for 30 minutes or so, then I get it back down and give it to another child.

If a child brings a toy to my house, it becomes community property. They can bring a toy inside to show me and their friends, but then Daddy takes it back out to sit in his or her carseat until the end of the day. (unless they are willing to share it..some kids can share better than others..but they understand what it means, so they make the choice)

Lovies are off limits to everybody else but the owner. The kids understand and respect this. It's never an issue.

[HeatherlovesCDs]

Originally Posted by dancermommy1 Thanks that's pretty much what I've been doing I just wasn't sure that was "enough". We had company last night and he kept taking everything away from our friend's toddler. It was so crazy because he is in daycare with 12 others and shares all day. Ha. Now that I think about it, maybe that's precisely WHY it's so hard to share at home--he finally has everything to himself!

One thing I've been known to do when other kids come over is put away anything I know will cause an issue before hand. Obviously, I don't put everything way. But, if I know my child has a tough time sharing X toy, I'll put it away before the friends come over. Everything that is out is fair game. They do need to learn to share their toys, but to me, it isn't worth the fight if I know a specific one or two is going to cause a problem. They can learn with other toys.

I've definitely experienced the "that's mine" phrase when they see someone else playing with something of theirs and they suddenly decide they want it. I just tell them their friend/sibling is playing with that and they can't have it. If they throw a tantrum about it, I do what I said above.

Like the pp, I won't take it from one kid to make them "share." Loveys are never shared but, I always have my children put their lovey away before friends come over.

Sounds to me like you are doing enough. It's just he is 2.5 and still learning and maybe not used to sharing his personal stuff unlike at daycare where the stuff is meant to be shared. Just keep working on it. He'll get it.

[EmilytheStrange]

yep, that's how we do it. Whoever has it first, gets to keep it until they're done.

DD is a pretty good sharer, but she has a regular friend who takes everything from her. He doesn't get time out all the time, he just gets told he has to share and it's her turn and the toy returned to her. He usually only gets timeout if he hits.

I'm sure DD will become selfish and bossy soon enough, if she takes after her mom at all

[AniMommy]

My dd (2.5 yo ) got a doll house for Christmas. It has been The Toy for two weeks now. The dog walked into her room and sniffed the doll house. My LO yelled "NO Conan!!!!! It's mine!"

No sharing at 2 covers all inc the dog.

[Carolinagirlbrisa]

We go by who had it first. They get to play till they're done then the next one gets a turn. If they play tug of war with it and start fighting, I take that toy away for a while.

[mmbreb]

I just would say make sure you are enforcing this with your DS and making sure not to let him do this to his friends. We were just at our friends house this past weekend. They have a two year old and our DS is two. Their little guy took EVERYTHING from my DS and it got very frustrating to watch the parents sort of gloss over it. As a mommy you do not want to see children pick on your kid. It can be hard on the adult friendship. My DS is the push over so it makes it difficult when another child's mom is not willing to enforce the rules.

(The child in question was taking toys from my DS, running away and laughing to see if my DS would be upset. The child's mother barely corrected him by saying things like "I think we can share nicer than this")

[dancermommy1]

Originally Posted by mmbreb I just would say make sure you are enforcing this with your DS and making sure not to let him do this to his friends. We were just at our friends house this past weekend. They have a two year old and our DS is two. Their little guy took EVERYTHING from my DS and it got very frustrating to watch the parents sort of gloss over it. As a mommy you do not want to see children pick on your kid. It can be hard on the adult friendship. My DS is the push over so it makes it difficult when another child's mom is not willing to enforce the rules. (The child in question was taking toys from my DS, running away and laughing to see if my DS would be upset. The child's mother barely corrected him by saying things like "I think we can share nicer than this")

Oh no, our friend's daughter was given the item back and DS was made to wait his turn and then ask her nicely for it, tantrum or not.