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Old 01-16-2013, 11:19 AM   #91
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Re: The spanking debate.

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To answer your question - what do I do when my child defies me:

It really depends on age, situation, & my child's understanding of our homes basic rules. Often times I ask my children open ended questions concerning why they disagree, what different scenarios would they prefer to occur, & what they feel are the pros & cons to those scenarios. Sometimes we act different situations out & role play. Most of the time I have no problem with letting my children try things their way - such as no coat on a cold day, or mustard on pancakes, or a spilled cup of milk because they want to try to pour it themselves. My children very rarely hear 'no' when they want to try something that could inconvenience me but does no more harm than make a mess or get noisy.

If the situation involved harming a person or animal it is an immediate time out - then i listen to my child attempt to put words to the emotions she was feeling & we talk about better ways to express strong emmotions than hitting or shoving.

I ask my girls to brainstorm a lot! They brainstorm ways to make putting toys away (or other negatively perceived tasks) fun.

Mostly, I don't get so busy that my children are ignored. I anticipate their needs. Meeting basic needs of having healthy snacks available at all times, providing my kids with a great bed time routine, getting fresh air several times a day, well planned out activities.......it all makes such an impact!!!
And while that's all fine and great, not everyone has the ability to do all of this. While I would love to be a perfect parent that is there for my children 24/7, I have a very demanding job. A job that I can't quit, or we will not have basic needs met. I work about 10-18 hours a day, on average. I am here for my kids if they need me, and they know that, but I don't have time to sit and have discussions all day long about behavior, choices, what they prefer, etc. I do NOT always spank, I said that in my very first post. I spank when it is necessary (not when I am being lazy). I also have other methods, like time-out, writing sentences, etc. Different doesn't mean wrong, abuse, or lazy.

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Old 01-16-2013, 11:21 AM   #92
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Re: The spanking debate.

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Oh yay a spanking thread! Mods please do not delete. I like to read the train wreck threads while I am on my elliptical. Keeps my mind off my burning thighs.
This is one of those rare times I wish I had a data package and fancy phone. I could read this at the gym!!
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Old 01-16-2013, 11:30 AM   #93
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Re: The spanking debate.

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LOL I am not one of those people, either. I also "spank" my dog if she does something RIGHT.IN.FRONT.OF.ME that she knows she isn't supposed to. The same exact way I spank my kids. Swat the butt, then I sold her, and put her outside for a bit.

Not everyone falls into all these crazy spanking stereotypes.

And I HATE violence. I can't even watch a scene in a movie where someone is quickly killed, without having an intense guttural reaction and tearing up, usually leaving the room. Even stuff made for TV I cannot watch with violence in it. I stopped watching CSI b/c it was getting too graphic with the violent killing scenes.

It's like saying everyone who is on gov't assistance is trashy and lazy. Or saying all white people who live in the South are racist. All people who have a c/s are ill informed and ignorant.

...stupid sterotypes.

All people who spank are not abusive. All people who were spanked are not violent, BDSM lovers.

Conversely, not all kids who are AP raised are selfish brats, either.

There's no right or wrong way to parent, if you love your kids and are doing it the best way that works. There just is YOUR way. That is ok. There doesn't have to be a line we all walk that makes us "right". You do it your way, I'll do it mine. I hate mommy wars.
Just so you know there are way more effective canine training methods. It can also be downright dangerous for a child to think they can control an animal by smacking it.

It's funny that one can still find a few 'experts' (usually self proclaimed) who promote physically harming children as part of effective parenting. But, you really can't find experts who still promote it for effectively raising dogs & other creatures - they just don't exist anymore.
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Old 01-16-2013, 11:32 AM   #94
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Re: The spanking debate.

OK, so just to recap, those who do spank are:

Lazy
Ignorant
Unreasonable in their expectations
Abusive
Violent
possibly BDSM freaks
unable to predict their child's needs ahead of time
unable to respond to their child's needs appropriately
do not provide healthy snacks/meals
don't give adequate play time, especially outdoors
ignore their children - unless to whack them


I'm trying to compile a list that described my parenting style, so I can put it in my siggy...
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Old 01-16-2013, 11:33 AM   #95
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Re: The spanking debate.

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ANNNNNNNND there it is.

I will continue to "abuse" and "sheep" my children, and you raise yours the way you see fit.

I think that allowing your children to do what they want, without providing consequences, or adequate discipline, is abuse. So what? THOSE are the kids that run around stealing things, breaking into houses, doing drugs, and hurting people. Because they are not "punished" for the things that they do wrong.

We all have a different line of thinking, obviously... but I won't hang out in a place where I am told that I abuse my children just because I have chosen a different path of parenting. And quite frankly, I think you seem to be a pretty horrible person for even thinking that it is okay to bully someone into thinking that your way is better.

Just saying.
Just because we don't spank our children does not mean there are no consequences or punishments for doing wrong.

Lightbulb........you can raise children to have good manners, to listen, to have good behaviour, and do the right thing without spanking them. Sure, it takes a lot of teaching, explaining, and repeating, but it is worth it for me. I would rather have my child understand the reason behind then not do it out of fear of being spanked.
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Old 01-16-2013, 11:33 AM   #96
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Re: The spanking debate.

I was spanked and turned out fine. I have no emotional problems from it, am very close to my parents and am a confident person. I believe in spanking but only for certain behaviors. This is a topic that people will never agree on. Same with cry it out, vaccinations, circumcision. I respect other's choice and don't worry what they think of mine.
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Old 01-16-2013, 11:35 AM   #97
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Re: The spanking debate.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiliki View Post
OK, so just to recap, those who do spank are:

Lazy
Ignorant
Unreasonable in their expectations
Abusive
Violent
possibly BDSM freaks
unable to predict their child's needs ahead of time
unable to respond to their child's needs appropriately
do not provide healthy snacks/meals
don't give adequate play time, especially outdoors
ignore their children - unless to whack them


I'm trying to compile a list that described my parenting style, so I can put it in my siggy...
.

Last edited by leyash; 01-16-2013 at 11:50 AM.
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Old 01-16-2013, 11:37 AM   #98
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Re: The spanking debate.

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I was being halfway sarcastic. Because if you say "kids who are spanked, etc." or "kids who aren't spanked are, etc." then you are putting EVERYONE into the same category. So, since it's a common belief that kids who aren't spanked are criminals when they get older, I thought I'd roll with it. Just like kids who ARE spanked, are afraid of their parents, etc.

If we are going to put "spankers" in a broad category, might as well do it with non-spankers too, right?
I would like to see where you got this information.
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Old 01-16-2013, 11:38 AM   #99
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Re: The spanking debate.

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Originally Posted by raymark View Post
Just so you know there are way more effective canine training methods. It can also be downright dangerous for a child to think they can control an animal by smacking it.

It's funny that one can still find a few 'experts' (usually self proclaimed) who promote physically harming children as part of effective parenting. But, you really can't find experts who still promote it for effectively raising dogs & other creatures - they just don't exist anymore.
LOL is this a serious response??? It's so sarcastic, I actually can't tell if you are trying to be helpful.

I actually don't care what any "expert" on anything says. Truly.

I've had dogs and raised and trained them my whole life. Never had an issue, and never needed (or cared) to read a book on it.

I also don't think animals are equal to humans, so I don't care what people think is ok for animals, and how that compares to what is socially acceptable for raising kids.

Let's not forget we have crazy stories about dolphins getting fake tails so they can survive while poor PEOPLE die all the time b/c they can't afford necessary life saving treatments. THAT is sad. I'd rather shoot the dolphin, and save the human.

It's pretty clear that people have their priorities severely mixed up when it comes to animals vs. humans. So the comparison does nothing for me.
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Old 01-16-2013, 11:42 AM   #100
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Re: The spanking debate.

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And while that's all fine and great, not everyone has the ability to do all of this. While I would love to be a perfect parent that is there for my children 24/7, I have a very demanding job. A job that I can't quit, or we will not have basic needs met. I work about 10-18 hours a day, on average. I am here for my kids if they need me, and they know that, but I don't have time to sit and have discussions all day long about behavior, choices, what they prefer, etc. I do NOT always spank, I said that in my very first post. I spank when it is necessary (not when I am being lazy). I also have other methods, like time-out, writing sentences, etc. Different doesn't mean wrong, abuse, or lazy.
I also have a very demanding life. But I choose to put my children first & make it a priority to continue to better myself as a parent. I am never too tired for my children! There are single mothers holding down 2 jobs that don't resort to spanking their children just because it's nearing the end of yet another long day.
You could think about replacing 1/2 of your time on this forum with studying a few good parenting publications. Aren't your kids worth it? If my life was so busy I felt I had no choice but to sometimes spank my children to get my way I truly would not have children. I'm guessing you have the time to speak with adults vs smack them into getting your point across - don't your kids deserve the same?
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