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Old 01-19-2013, 04:45 PM   #1
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Question about 4 yo regressing after new baby

DD just turned 4 in November and started regressing about a month before newest DD was born. The baby was born Dec 19th. Oldest DD is regressing big time and for the most part I'm doing my best to be okay with it. But how long should I expect this to last? Maybe I should back up a bit...

Her regressing mostly involves potty training. She was 100% day/night time potty trained. About a month before the baby was born oldest DD started having accidents at night. After a week or so of this, we put her back in pull ups at night. As time went on she started having more and more day time accidents. She was in day care at the time and would sometimes have an accident at daycare, but most of the accidents were at home. As soon as she got home she'd stop using the potty. We'd ask, offer, bribe, cajole... she'd say no or she'd sit and not do anything, then get up and then pee in her pants.

Now, a month later, its getting old. Last week we started offering her a treat when she peed in the potty and she was doing really well. Now, she's back to peeing in her pants all the time. Today she's sat on the potty twice and had three "accidents". I'm really trying hard to be patient, but its getting super frustrating. I'm getting to the point where I'm getting a lot less understanding. We've tried: sticker charts and giving her treats after she goes... I've heard that you're not supposed to punish kids over pottying issues, so we've avoided that so far, but I'm getting to the breaking point. Especially because she is 4 and she knows how and when to use the potty.

She is doing a few other things - baby talk/babbling, control issues over food (saying she wants one thing for breakfast and then when I fix it, says she didn't want that and she wants something else...) and those aren't too bad. I get irritated over the food issues, but the main issue is the potty.

I'm just wondering if there is a better way to deal with the pottying or if there is a point where I should punish her for "accidents. Our methods of punishment tend to be taking away toys/activities/treats, etc. We don't spank and time outs have never worked for her... Anyway, I would love advice or suggestions.

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Old 01-19-2013, 04:56 PM   #2
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Re: Question about 4 yo regressing after new baby

Who is cleaning her up? If she isn't doing the cleaning up, have her do it.

I don't know how long it'll last, unfortunately. I had a baby right after my son turned 4, but he didn't regress -- he just basically ignored the baby for the first couple of months.
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Old 01-19-2013, 05:58 PM   #3
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Re: Question about 4 yo regressing after new baby

My son turned four a few months after I had DD. He was all but night trained before she was born. After she was born it was so bad we had to put him back in diapers (thank goodness for BGOS, LOL). We just made a point of saying stuff like "baby needs her baby diaper changed", "time to change sissy into her baby diaper", "to bad sissy isn't big like brother and can use the potty", "oh my, Gman, you are such a big boy these diapers are to small for you",etc. We just made a point of stressing that diapers are for babies and not big kids, w/o calling him a baby for using diapers. We also made him clean up himself (what he was capable of for his age) whenever we had to change his diaper. Eventually he went back to using the potty. It took longer than we would have liked, 2.5m, but it was his way of getting attention away from the baby. We always tried to give him one on one attention, but sibling rivalry is what it is.
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Old 01-19-2013, 07:54 PM   #4
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Re: Question about 4 yo regressing after new baby

That happened to my 2.5 year old when I had her little sister. I just put diapers back on her and didn't make a big deal of it- it really isn't worth the frustration. Just go along with it and let her regress, she will get bored with acting like the baby and will go back to going on the potty. What really helped my older DD with getting used to the baby was every time the baby did something I would ask my DD if she taught her how to do that and I would tell her that she is such a great teacher.

I would also not make my child clean up their own accidents- I would feel terrible! Maybe if my 5.5 year old son whipped it out and purposly peed on the floor to make me mad, but that would be the only situation I could see myself giving him a rag and spray bottle for
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Old 01-19-2013, 07:57 PM   #5
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Re: Question about 4 yo regressing after new baby

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Originally Posted by tallanvor View Post
Who is cleaning her up? If she isn't doing the cleaning up, have her do it.

I don't know how long it'll last, unfortunately. I had a baby right after my son turned 4, but he didn't regress -- he just basically ignored the baby for the first couple of months.
My son was like that too- he could have cared less about my DD1 but when she started to get into his toys he started to pay attention to her (hello fighting!). When I had DD2, DD1 was all up in her face (and still is), always poking her and kissing her. Now DD2 is 14 months and has learned how to smack DD1 away
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