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Old 01-19-2013, 08:04 PM   #11
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

How much one on one time does she get with you and DH? I ask because the amount of one on one time my children get makes a huge impact on their behavior.

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Old 01-19-2013, 09:07 PM   #12
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

My 3.5 year old daughter is such a wonderful little girl, but she can be so terrible that I hate being home with her.

I am trying to be more calm with her- it is hard but when she starts having one of her (many) tantrums I try to talk to her and find out why she is mad.

There are many days that I feel like a terrible mom and I wonder, how did I turn into such a yeller? I just try to take it one day at a time and when I do yell, I always make sure I apologize so that she knows I shouldn't have gotten so mad.

I am really dreading when she is a teenager though- Oy!
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:17 PM   #13
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My husband said he now understands the nursery rhyme:

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead

And when she was good,
She was very, very good

And when she was bad,
She was horrid

When he first heard it, he thought it was just stupid.
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Old 01-20-2013, 06:40 AM   #14
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

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Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange View Post
My husband said he now understands the nursery rhyme:

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead

And when she was good,
She was very, very good

And when she was bad,
She was horrid

When he first heard it, he thought it was just stupid.
My DH just LOLed and so did I! My son is like this. He is such a sweety, but when he is bad, he is the Devil...LOL!
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Old 01-20-2013, 06:46 AM   #15
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

Have you considered going to your daughter when she is looking for you and crying under the bathroom doorway instead of trying to hide from her? Maybe she just wants her mother?

Honestly, you are already seeing your behavior repeated in your oldest. This is what happens. You are teaching them every day. You are creating the adults that they will be.

What does your husband think about the way you treat your daughter? Is he ok with it?

I think the best way to deal with this is to get therapy for yourself. I don't think YOUR behavior as you describe it here is healthy, which you seem to acknowledge. I don't think this is the type of thing that you can just correct with some tips.

Maybe you can send her to pre-school? Get a nanny for while you are working?

Last edited by GreyMum; 01-20-2013 at 07:40 AM.
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Old 01-20-2013, 01:03 PM   #16
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

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Originally Posted by GreyMum View Post
Have you considered going to your daughter when she is looking for you and crying under the bathroom doorway instead of trying to hide from her? Maybe she just wants her mother?

Honestly, you are already seeing your behavior repeated in your oldest. This is what happens. You are teaching them every day. You are creating the adults that they will be.

What does your husband think about the way you treat your daughter? Is he ok with it?

I think the best way to deal with this is to get therapy for yourself. I don't think YOUR behavior as you describe it here is healthy, which you seem to acknowledge. I don't think this is the type of thing that you can just correct with some tips.

Maybe you can send her to pre-school? Get a nanny for while you are working?

Gee...i never thought of comforting her! Of course I try to comfort her! I hug her, talk to her, ask her whats wrong, try to offer solutions and suggestions, explain why she cant do XY & Z. But it doesn't work. She doesn't respond. She escalates, and she escalates some more until all I can do is hide. Its that or scream at the top of my lungs, which IMO, is worse.

Obviously I'm aware that I am creating the adults they will become, and no I do not want them to act the way I do with her. Which is why I am trying (and have been trying) to correct the behavior. I always apologize and explain what mommy did wrong (which I know is damage control at the best, but its better than not owning up to it).

My husband acknowledges that its not the best parenting, but also acknowledges that there isn't much alternative. She doesn't allow for much alternative. There is no getting down on her level, reasoning with her, ignoring bad behavior, or correcting it easily with timeouts or redirection. Ive tried. ALOT. Every day I try to redirect, time out, or generally gently correct her behavior. Every day for the last 2 years (she is 3 and it didn't become much of an issue until she was over 1, but even as a tiny baby she was demanding and relentless). She didnt sleep for more than 1.5 hours at a time until she was almost 1..then she went to 2.5-3 hour lengths which she is currently still at). There were many nights each week where I walked back and forth in front of my bed for HOURS at at time with her in my mei tei and many more where I slept sitting completely upright with her in my mei tie because that was the only way I could get ANY sleep...this occurred until she was around 18 months and finally would sleep regularly in a crib.

She is in preschool. Started in September, 3 days per week for half days. Those are my favorite moments of the week.

Therapy is an option I have looked into.
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Old 01-20-2013, 01:27 PM   #17
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

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Gee...i never thought of comforting her! Of course I try to comfort her! I hug her, talk to her, ask her whats wrong, try to offer solutions and suggestions, explain why she cant do XY & Z. But it doesn't work. She doesn't respond. She escalates, and she escalates some more until all I can do is hide. Its that or scream at the top of my lungs, which IMO, is worse.

Obviously I'm aware that I am creating the adults they will become, and no I do not want them to act the way I do with her. Which is why I am trying (and have been trying) to correct the behavior. I always apologize and explain what mommy did wrong (which I know is damage control at the best, but its better than not owning up to it).

My husband acknowledges that its not the best parenting, but also acknowledges that there isn't much alternative. She doesn't allow for much alternative. There is no getting down on her level, reasoning with her, ignoring bad behavior, or correcting it easily with timeouts or redirection. Ive tried. ALOT. Every day I try to redirect, time out, or generally gently correct her behavior. Every day for the last 2 years (she is 3 and it didn't become much of an issue until she was over 1, but even as a tiny baby she was demanding and relentless). She didnt sleep for more than 1.5 hours at a time until she was almost 1..then she went to 2.5-3 hour lengths which she is currently still at). There were many nights each week where I walked back and forth in front of my bed for HOURS at at time with her in my mei tei and many more where I slept sitting completely upright with her in my mei tie because that was the only way I could get ANY sleep...this occurred until she was around 18 months and finally would sleep regularly in a crib.

She is in preschool. Started in September, 3 days per week for half days. Those are my favorite moments of the week.

Therapy is an option I have looked into.
Mine is 3 too. He is near impossible. No matter what you do, including giving in is met with no, tantrum, loud protest, etc. It nearly kills us each day. People who do not have one of THOSE kids has no idea where your patients go when you are not that kind of person to be bothered with it. Being told no all day, everyday, with everything makes you wanna drink....LOL!
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Old 01-20-2013, 01:33 PM   #18
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

have you thought about counselling? Maybe it could help yo sort through your feelings and cope a little bette rwith your situation. I think it is normal for our stress level to go up after having kids, especially when they get to the age where they are testing their boundaries. Take some time for yourself and look into counselling
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Old 01-20-2013, 01:33 PM   #19
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

I can relate. I've got an almost 4 year old, a 2 1/2 year old, and a 4 month old.

Sometimes just getting out of the house by myself helps me. It's not easy to do and it doesn't happen often enough, but it helps.

I think part of it is the age. And genetics. And birth order.

I also try to pretend like I'm at work, or like someone is watching me--it helps me to think before I yell. The more I yell the more I get tuned out. Yelling is really ineffective--if it worked I wouldn't have to keep yelling. Plus I just feel worse when I yell, which makes me cranky...

Venting is good too--knowing that other kids are just as difficult as yours is comforting. Kids aren't doing these things to intentionally drive us nuts. Some kids do and some kids don't.

And I pray.

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Old 01-20-2013, 01:37 PM   #20
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BNC View Post
Gee...i never thought of comforting her! Of course I try to comfort her! I hug her, talk to her, ask her whats wrong, try to offer solutions and suggestions, explain why she cant do XY & Z. But it doesn't work. She doesn't respond. She escalates, and she escalates some more until all I can do is hide. Its that or scream at the top of my lungs, which IMO, is worse. Obviously I'm aware that I am creating the adults they will become, and no I do not want them to act the way I do with her. Which is why I am trying (and have been trying) to correct the behavior. I always apologize and explain what mommy did wrong (which I know is damage control at the best, but its better than not owning up to it).

My husband acknowledges that its not the best parenting, but also acknowledges that there isn't much alternative. She doesn't allow for much alternative. There is no getting down on her level, reasoning with her, ignoring bad behavior, or correcting it easily with timeouts or redirection. Ive tried. ALOT. Every day I try to redirect, time out, or generally gently correct her behavior. Every day for the last 2 years (she is 3 and it didn't become much of an issue until she was over 1, but even as a tiny baby she was demanding and relentless). She didnt sleep for more than 1.5 hours at a time until she was almost 1..then she went to 2.5-3 hour lengths which she is currently still at). There were many nights each week where I walked back and forth in front of my bed for HOURS at at time with her in my mei tei and many more where I slept sitting completely upright with her in my mei tie because that was the only way I could get ANY sleep...this occurred until she was around 18 months and finally would sleep regularly in a crib.

She is in preschool. Started in September, 3 days per week for half days. Those are my favorite moments of the week.

Therapy is an option I have looked into.
My 5yo is like this. he gets frustrated with something and gets so worked up to the point where he can not hear anything you are saying to him to try to calm him down. I have found that the bes tthing to do for him is to send to his room to play with his toys or whatever he wants until he is able to get a hold of his emotions and then we sit and talk about what happened. It is really hard at first because they are going to yell and scream and put up a huge fight about it no matte rwhat you do but eventually he does calm down and is able to understand what happened and talk about it. I think they just get overwhelmed sometimes and don't know how to handle it.
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