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Old 01-21-2013, 06:10 PM   #21
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Re: Would you give up?

Think of it this way. Perhaps now because of your vigilance and thought they will have information they need to protect the younger one and get help for the older one. May be that if they had not been in your home they would not have been advocated for as you will do even in the disruption.

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Old 01-22-2013, 09:12 AM   #22
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Try not to be too hard on yourself mama! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope you find peace with it. Just try and think of the relief you well feel when it is all over!
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Old 01-22-2013, 01:46 PM   #23
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Re: Would you give up?

Well mamas at the last minute we changed our minds and decided he could stay. We just didn't feel like we could make him go. I emailed our social worker and told her we needed to work on things to fix some of the most dangerous issues and that we would keep him.

Than when I couldn't get in contact with our social worker I called the infant/child counselor on their case. She is super nice and very helpful. She told me that she was glad we were willing to work on it and keep him as she felt it would be the worst thing for X-man to be moved again. I explained what was going on. She said she would get everyone on his case together and talk about the options.

The decision was that Little-Man would move to the back room that is technically not a bedroom and just sleep in a play pen. They would also get us a vest for X-man to ware in the car seat. I have never seen or heard of one of these but they will be bringing it tomorrow to show me how it works.

A little while later I had to call her about a timing issue for our meeting and she let me know that after further thought, and a group discussion they have decided it is best to move X-man to a home where he is the only child. It may take a "little bit" she said but she said it would not be "too long". Both of those statements are pretty subjective so I am not sure if they mean days, weeks, etc.

Little man will be staying with us.

There is a sister in all of this that was already put in another home. They believed she was the issue and without her presence Little-man and X-man would do well together. She said "now we are clearly seeing that X-man has a lot of needs himself" and they want to be sure he is in a therapeutic home that is offering the best care possible and it is clear that I cannot give Little-man the care he needs if I am always on guard duty because in her words "of the extreme violence".

I feel so much better about everything. I know I was willing to do whatever it took to make it work and the professionals could see what I felt all along. This isn't good for anyone. His behaviors are extreme and it’s simply best for everyone involved for him to be somewhere that he cannot carry out these behaviors and he can get all the attention he needs.

When he has all of the attention he is great. It is when he is not the center of attention that we run into these problems.

All in all I am just happy that I am not just being too hard on him or myself. That it is clear to others that this is a special situation. I am so happy they are going to take the time to find the RIGHT home for X-man. He so deserves a better life than what he has been dealt and I hope that he can have that. Although he is hard to deal with I do care for him very much and I only want him to go on to live a happy productive life.
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Old 01-22-2013, 02:05 PM   #24
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Re: Would you give up?

Hurray for the understanding and help of people who are "in charge"! That is not always the case and I am so glad that everyone is seeing eye to eye and on the same page and working towards the best interests of the children. Good job being honest and forthright with what you were seeing and dealing with and feeling. Here's hoping Xman can get the help he needs in a therapeutic home and Little Man can heal and grown and bond without that abuse. And awww.. poor babies for all of them, a sister too? curious how old? So sad that kids have to live with the choices of adults that do the kinds of things that give the kids these kinds of issues
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Old 01-22-2013, 02:13 PM   #25
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Re: Would you give up?

I gotta say it's really encouraging to read this. Today of all days when I feel like the system is failing all of us, so glad to hear they are getting it right this time around.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:52 PM   #26
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Re: Would you give up?

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Originally Posted by sunnymommy View Post
Hurray for the understanding and help of people who are "in charge"! That is not always the case and I am so glad that everyone is seeing eye to eye and on the same page and working towards the best interests of the children. Good job being honest and forthright with what you were seeing and dealing with and feeling. Here's hoping Xman can get the help he needs in a therapeutic home and Little Man can heal and grown and bond without that abuse. And awww.. poor babies for all of them, a sister too? curious how old? So sad that kids have to live with the choices of adults that do the kinds of things that give the kids these kinds of issues
I think our SW is a nice girl but she is very young and I don't ever get the feeling she knows whatís what. The boys mental health specialist on the other hand is awesome. She is the one who is always leading the charge and I get the feeling that is not really her job but she really cares about these kids. I have only had them two weeks and I can tell if you really need something it is her you need to talk to. Itís just too bad it isn't always this way.

There is a sister. She is three. That means X-man is 4, Little-girl is three, and Little-Man is almost two. Bio-Mom is only 22. The little girl has even more issues than X-Man. I don't know if/ what diagnose she has. She is just one you can tell by being in the room with her for even a second. Poor girl is completely out of control.


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I gotta say it's really encouraging to read this. Today of all days when I feel like the system is failing all of us, so glad to hear they are getting it right this time around.
I have only been doing this such a short time but it seems like this agency is really good. I didn't think so at first and we were going to switch. Mostly because we were only going to adopt NOT foster, I did not like the people in charge of adoptions. Now that we have totally went against saying we would NOT do this and we are doing it, I can say I am happy that we are with this agency.
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Old 01-22-2013, 08:14 PM   #27
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Re: Would you give up?

This is pretty much the best case scenario that could have happened in this, huh? So happy they took your concerns seriously and didn't throw it back in your face. So many places are so pro keeping siblings together at all costs when sometimes that is just not the best scenario.
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Old 01-22-2013, 09:27 PM   #28
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Re: Would you give up?

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This is pretty much the best case scenario that could have happened in this, huh? So happy they took your concerns seriously and didn't throw it back in your face. So many places are so pro keeping siblings together at all costs when sometimes that is just not the best scenario.

Sounds like the agency is being very pro-active, though. Hoping for the best for you and him.
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:17 AM   #29
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Re: Would you give up?

I think u said before that x man is 4, is that right? If so, I think this is a common 4 yr old behavior that will pass. Also, I would give it a few weeks before I had any child moved. Children WILL act out when they move homes. They just don't understand why they are being moved in with strangers and their behavior is one thing they can control and use to control you. Just give him love and positive attention and a few weeks before you make any rash decisions about moving them. I have had 13 foster care placements and I have wanted to call within the first 2 weeks and have at least 10 of them moved. Good thing I didn't! We adopted 3 of those 10.
All 3 of my boys have had a phase of those behaviors at 4 yrs old and I have had several foster children that acted out in that way within the first month of being with us. It's always gotten better though.

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Old 01-26-2013, 10:37 PM   #30
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I'm so glad this worked out. I.especially like the part about you not being too.hard on yourself. treatment homes are there for a reason! Maybe they recognize that you are an awesome home and want to keep you around!
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