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Old 01-27-2013, 08:49 AM   #221
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I don't know as I only read who replied to me. I thought she was saying I don't have my priorities straight since I don't nap. Sleep is important to me too but I dont need to nap to get enough. I was saying anything rude to her, nor do I care if other moms nap in the day, we all have different routines.
Ah, I thought when you quoted & agreed with EmmaGM's comment about mind control you were trying to get in on that jab at ajane. I'm 6 days post partum though, so my reading comprehension may be lacking.

At any rate, I never read ajane's comments as trying to say that everyone should have the same priorities as she does, except when she responded to the person who specifically asked how she could rearrange her priorities in order to get more relaxation time.

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Old 01-27-2013, 09:32 AM   #222
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Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist?

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yes, and how many mamas in this thread are making rude or sarcastic comments and judgmental assumptions about ajane prioritizing taking a nap of all things? I was just pointing out how it can be done without magic or without neglecting one's children and responsibilities as others implied.
THANK YOU! This is exactly what is happening.

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I don't know as I only read who replied to me. I thought she was saying I don't have my priorities straight since I don't nap. Sleep is important to me too but I dont need to nap to get enough. I was saying anything rude to her, nor do I care if other moms nap in the day, we all have different routines.
How did I ever say you don't have YOUR priorities straight? I was saying naps for ME are a priority.

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Ah, I thought when you quoted & agreed with EmmaGM's comment about mind control you were trying to get in on that jab at ajane. I'm 6 days post partum though, so my reading comprehension may be lacking.

At any rate, I never read ajane's comments as trying to say that everyone should have the same priorities as she does, except when she responded to the person who specifically asked how she could rearrange her priorities in order to get more relaxation time.
They were.

And for the second paragraph....thank you....again.
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Old 01-27-2013, 01:54 PM   #223
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Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist?

I'm not sure how young the kids are in questions, but its honestly dangerous and irresponsible to nap when there are children awake and unsupervised.
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Old 01-27-2013, 03:07 PM   #224
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I was not trying to come across as judgemental. I see no problems with a mama taking a nap during the day. I agree a well-rested mama is a better mama. I was only stating that there is no way my kids would let me. They would literally be on top of me. There have been many days in the last year when I was pregnant and now postpartum when I am up a lot with the baby and I would loooove to be able to take a nap. Where I would be desperate for one in fact. So, I'm not sure what part of what I said indicated that I thought it was neglectful but I don't feel that way at all.
The original interaction between ajane and I was actually when she said she strongly disagreed with my statement that being a SAHM was a full time job. I suppose one could decide that my response that naps and massages are not a part of my daily life meant that anyone who does have that ability is shirking their responsibilities. Or just a simple statement of a fact.
The point of the whole thread I thought was whether or not a wife should expect her husband to contribute to whatever childcare and housework that needs to be done when he is off of work. Since I spend my whole day taking care of the kids, cleaning, nursing, changing diapers and cooking I find it very reasonable to ask him for help in the evenings.
I suppose that I could get all upset with ajane and assume that she is saying that she is a better homemaker, mother and wife than I am. But, I think it is more likely that she just has a different routine, different kids and a different set up than me. Or perhaps she has a more efficient way of managing time and creating solid moments of peace in her life.
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Old 01-27-2013, 03:13 PM   #225
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Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist?

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THANK YOU! This is exactly what is happening.



How did I ever say you don't have YOUR priorities straight? I was saying naps for ME are a priority.



They were.

And for the second paragraph....thank you....again.
*I* was not poking fun or trying to be rude to *you*. I was only replying to the other person as a joke, but I wasn't replying to it about you (as she quoted me and that is why I responded to her in the first place).

You responded to me about priorities when I made a joke (not responding to you) about how my kids didn't get the memo to nap, and then that is when you quoted me talking about how you have naps as part of your priorities, so that to me made it sound like because I don't nap that I didn't have my priorities straight. But really, I don't care, if you like naps and can fit them in, great. Doesn't work for my family and I don't need naps.
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Old 01-27-2013, 03:50 PM   #226
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I would think that stating one should use mind control on their children to make them nap would be an obvious joke. If you find it rude it's probably because I find the insinuation that the key to happiness is a simple matter of having my priorities straight extremely frustrating.

I apologize for being rude to you when my frustration is truly with multitudes of women around the world who seem to believe that their parental and marital experience is the same as everyone else's.

Ie Good for you that you never say one bad thing about your husband, I do. Good for you that you don't mind doing ALL the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing, I do. Etc. There have been a LOT of threads like this lately and I need to just bow out of them gracefully.

I get frustrated on a forum where we should all be entitled to our opinions that there will be at least one person in every thread that comes in trying to belittle everyone else because they clearly have the best opinion. Of course, that's the nature of the internet and people in general. You've already clarified that you didn't mean to say that our priorities were wrong, just that napping is a high priority for you, so I'm sorry for my snark.
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Old 01-27-2013, 04:34 PM   #227
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I think mamas get offended when someone says it's a matter of priorities, because really, it's not. If you have a newborn that's up every hour, sleep priorities don't matter. You will be up every hour. It's a matter of situation, priorities and just plain luck (e.g. if your child takes naps until age 2 or age 5). So when someone acts like if you make it priority, you can do it, it's simply not true. That's not always an option. And a lot of people read that, and think someone is saying, "Oh well if you wanted it badly enough you'd find a way." Whether that's what they mean or not.

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Old 01-27-2013, 08:43 PM   #228
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Originally Posted by Hillargh
I think mamas get offended when someone says it's a matter of priorities, because really, it's not. If you have a newborn that's up every hour, sleep priorities don't matter. You will be up every hour. It's a matter of situation, priorities and just plain luck (e.g. if your child takes naps until age 2 or age 5). So when someone acts like if you make it priority, you can do it, it's simply not true. That's not always an option. And a lot of people read that, and think someone is saying, "Oh well if you wanted it badly enough you'd find a way." Whether that's what they mean or not.

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Why should people care what others' priorities are? Napping is a priority for me and I should be able to say that without someone else judging me. I never said anyone else should have that as a priority. Not everyone needs the same amount of sleep. I, however need a lot and it seems as though my kids get that from me as well. I also never said that "napping is a matter of priorities", I said it is a priority for me. Others will have other priorities and that is fine. If they state what is a priority for them I am surely not going to be offended or feel inadequate in my parenting.

It has to do with a lot of assumption and your last sentence says that. Many people do a lot of assuming instead of asking or clarifying what someone means. I see it happen a lot.
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Old 01-27-2013, 10:49 PM   #229
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Why should people care what others' priorities are? Napping is a priority for me and I should be able to say that without someone else judging me. I never said anyone else should have that as a priority. Not everyone needs the same amount of sleep. I, however need a lot and it seems as though my kids get that from me as well. I also never said that "napping is a matter of priorities", I said it is a priority for me. Others will have other priorities and that is fine. If they state what is a priority for them I am surely not going to be offended or feel inadequate in my parenting.

It has to do with a lot of assumption and your last sentence says that. Many people do a lot of assuming instead of asking or clarifying what someone means. I see it happen a lot.
Actually I believe your exact statement was "It's all about priorities", which, intentionally or not, implies something different than a statement such as "My priority is..." or "It's a priority for me." I totally took your statement the same way as many, which is that all of us would have it as easy if we had our priorities straight, because that is typically how that phrase is used, at least where I live. So I can see how it was misinterpreted. But, just to play devil's advocate, assumption is a huge part of communication generally. You assumed we'd all interpret that statement differently, we assumed we knew what you meant based on our prior experiences.
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Old 01-28-2013, 06:01 AM   #230
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Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist?

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Actually I believe your exact statement was "It's all about priorities", which, intentionally or not, implies something different than a statement such as "My priority is..." or "It's a priority for me." I totally took your statement the same way as many, which is that all of us would have it as easy if we had our priorities straight, because that is typically how that phrase is used, at least where I live. So I can see how it was misinterpreted. But, just to play devil's advocate, assumption is a huge part of communication generally. You assumed we'd all interpret that statement differently, we assumed we knew what you meant based on our prior experiences.
Ok, fine. Apparently it was my fault that I didn't say it's all about MY priorities. I added the winking smilie to add that is what is important to me. But, I digress. Everyone can jump on my case and call me insensitive and making others think they should feel inadequate. But everyone else can assume away, interpret their own way and make statements/judgements based on ASSUMPTION. I think it is pretty ridiculous.

This whole thing would have been prevented if someone who took it as hurtful or offensive would have just asked for clarification.
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