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Old 01-31-2013, 08:39 AM   #11
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

What if you phrased it like, "maybe you can look this test over, see how you think he'd do and use it as a talking point with your doctor.....if you're concerned" that way you're not presenting it like you are evaluating their child, just offering them a potentially helpful tool to deal with a dismissive doctor.

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Old 01-31-2013, 08:41 AM   #12
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

As a parent, I would be very happy that a provider first raised concerns with me ("you know, I noticed that...."). However, anything beyond that would start to raise my hackles, esp if provider gave LO a test or sent her home with one. I know it's not MEANT to be, but it would rub me the wrong way, like "I am better at this than you." Now, I KNOW that my daycare providers are at least more experienced than me (FTM) but I would still get sensitive (perhaps unnecessarily, but when are we ever 100% objective when it comes to our kids)?
What I would react well to - "Hey, we did XYZ today with LO and she really loved it/figured it out fast/learned something." Just present it more as "here's something they enjoyed doing today" rather than "here's what I would do if I were you."
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Old 01-31-2013, 08:46 AM   #13
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

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As a parent I would most definitely be offended. Yes even enough to change providers. My first question to the provider would be you spend the most time with him, why aren't you working on these things with him? That is the providers job, watch and teach the child. When I had my oldest child in an in home daycare they taught him words, shapes colors and even to recognize letters starting at 2. They would sing songs, have circle time ect. I would remove my children from a place that didn't give them some kind of education.
Which is kind of dumb, because obviously we do that....or I wouldn't notice that he's behind. If he were able to do the things the other kids can do, I wouldn't worry. If I weren't working with the kids, I wouldn't notice.

And, it's the PARENT'S job to make sure their child is being educated. It is the parent's job to make sure their child is at an age appropriate level. Just because a parent drops the child off, they do not hand off the responsibility to the daycare provider. The parents still do projects at home, they still work on letters, and learning at home. It's not "lets go home so mommy can catch up on Downton Abby". The parent still has several hours at home with their kids, plus weekends.

In THIS mom's case, she has nothing to base it on. He's an only child, there are no cousins, no friends of the same age, and he's not in any evening classes like Gymboree. So, she has nobody to compare it to, and no background in child development.
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Old 01-31-2013, 08:47 AM   #14
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

I am in a different boat. I have one son with aspergers, and a son and daughter with apraxia. None of them were caught before kindergarten (with my DD I did have her evaluated... 3 times by the school district and she tested "normal"). Anyway, I WISH someone had said to me that there was a problem. I'd bring it up, the ped would say the child was normal, and I'd walk away. They weren't normal. So, I'd be grateful.
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Old 01-31-2013, 08:48 AM   #15
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

I would not be offended at all. I would actually be greatfull that she was paying enough attention to notice little things that were not adding up. As a parent I don't always catch or see everything or make adjusts at home without even realizing it.

I would be irritated with a dr. that just blew off those kind of concerns.

It was our daycare provider who first noticed DS1's torticollis. I was very greatful and was able to bring it up at his dr. appointment. It wasn't horrible and as a FTM I had no idea. Becuase we caught it really early it was an easy correction.
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Old 01-31-2013, 08:52 AM   #16
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

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As a parent I would most definitely be offended. Yes even enough to change providers. My first question to the provider would be you spend the most time with him, why aren't you working on these things with him? That is the providers job, watch and teach the child. When I had my oldest child in an in home daycare they taught him words, shapes colors and even to recognize letters starting at 2. They would sing songs, have circle time ect. I would remove my children from a place that didn't give them some kind of education.
If the provider wasn't spending time with him she wouldn't see those things. Unless the daycare is "school or preschool" center, I don't think it is the daycare providers job to teach my children. that is my job at home and if they do things like that great. My kids go to daycare to play.
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Old 01-31-2013, 08:55 AM   #17
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

From what I'm reading I would probably be taken aback...and maybe a little offended...but once I sat down and thought through things I would be thankful. As a provider you spend probably more time with the child than she does on any given day.

I wouldn't push the test again. I would just note that you mentioned it...gave her the option...and let it lie. In the end, she is the parent and you do not have any responsibility other than what you are already doing.

I think you did the right thing in mentioning something. So many times there are issues that can be resolved or caught early if all care providers are on the same page.
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Old 01-31-2013, 08:59 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by escapethevillage View Post

Which is kind of dumb, because obviously we do that....or I wouldn't notice that he's behind. If he were able to do the things the other kids can do, I wouldn't worry. If I weren't working with the kids, I wouldn't notice.

And, it's the PARENT'S job to make sure their child is being educated. It is the parent's job to make sure their child is at an age appropriate level. Just because a parent drops the child off, they do not hand off the responsibility to the daycare provider. The parents still do projects at home, they still work on letters, and learning at home. It's not "lets go home so mommy can catch up on Downton Abby". The parent still has several hours at home with their kids, plus weekends.

In THIS mom's case, she has nothing to base it on. He's an only child, there are no cousins, no friends of the same age, and he's not in any evening classes like Gymboree. So, she has nobody to compare it to, and no background in child development.
Several hours at home to do these extra things? How many people actually have several hours at home with their children to do these things? I get exactly 1 1/2 hours of time at home with my children during the week. In which I have to cook and feed them dinner and bathe them and get them to bed on time. How in the world would a mom in my situation be able to work with a child needing more work?

While the child is there why not have more one on one time?

The way you replied reads as if you are calling me dumb personally. I find that rude.
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Old 01-31-2013, 09:05 AM   #19
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Re: Hypothetically if your daycare provider.....

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Several hours at home to do these extra things? How many people actually have several hours at home with their children to do these things? I get exactly 1 1/2 hours of time at home with my children during the week. In which I have to cook and feed them dinner and bathe them and get them to bed on time. How in the world would a mom in my situation be able to work with a child needing more work?

While the child is there why not have more one on one time?

The way you replied reads as if you are calling me dumb personally. I find that rude.
I think the real issue though is that this kid may well have some developmental issues going on, and he should be evaluated. If the kid can't hear, for example, or has limited hearing, then spending more one on one time with him (and changing nothing else) isn't going to help him.

From the little that I know about all of this, early intervention is super-important. The earlier any issues are identified and addressed, the better off the child will be long term. This is why there is a real push to have kids evaluated EARLY, so that intervention can start earlier and produce better long term results.

ETA: I am still super not understanding why this mom is not wanting at least an evaluation done! It's free, it's easy, and it's actually fun for the kid too! And, you do not, at least in my state, need a referral from a physician.

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Old 01-31-2013, 09:07 AM   #20
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I may be the odd man out but I was an occupational therapist (in pediatrics) and then became a sahm/nanny. When something with the child I was watching concerned me I would tell the parents my concern but just say "we are working hard at _______." or "q is having a hard time doing _______ but we are practicing."

They appreciated my input. They also had parents as teachers come once a month. Parents as teachers expected q to do ridiculously hard things and the parents were concerned. They looked to me for answers. I told them what was typical or children at that age and that helped them feel better. Sometimes those tests can be misleading. You have to know which ones to use and which are not great.

As a parent, if my daughter wasnt doing something she should be doing I'd love to know as a parent so that we could work on those things. Especially if I didn't have another frame of reference.
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