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Old 01-31-2013, 07:03 PM   #181
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Originally Posted by Kätzchen

It's fine, I am easily crushed by re-opening a nasty emotional wound. I felt like a failure even providing tube fed milk. I have a hard time with the loss of such a beautiful relationship with my oldest. I am currently nursing my second on demand at 18m and I cherish every moment. I remember the shun I felt in the LLL group, even with my daughter being "breastfed". It hurts, but it's no reason to take your hurt out on others. I was incredibly jealous of people nursing, it used to break my heart.
I'm sorry you had such a hard time with your daughter, but your previous posts essentially do the shunning you felt from the LLL group. Women who went to formula after facing adversity while breast feeding are made to feel like they just couldn't cut it, and decided to give their child something disgusting because they chose to quit bfing. I don't want any parent to feel like they are providing "sub par" care for their child, when they're doing what is best for their family.

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Old 01-31-2013, 07:04 PM   #182
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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I in no way intended to be judgmental. I am only saying those were standards I hold myself to for my daughter, not than anyone should or that I'd in any way want them to. I was saying FORMULA digusts ME. Not that women who formula feed disgust me.

I do however think that every woman should give breastfeeding a try. But obviously not if it would put the baby or mother in harm in ANY kind of way. And I do think women who CAN breastfeed, should put in a good effort because it is best for baby AND for mom.

I was only "judging" moms who care more about drinking/drugs/partying than having time to breastfeed or pump for their child.

I am still friends with every single friend who has chosen to formula feed, I have never put them down, or made them feel a bad parents for doing so.

I just feel that society has forgotten how truly important it is for a baby and for mother to breastfeed. The countless benefits of breastmilk and its importance are overlooked way too much, and formula is used for ease and convenience.
Whether you intend to be judgmental or not, it comes that way to someone who truly truly tried their hardest and has guilt as a result.

I went to hell and back to nurse my daughter. It still grieves me to this day. Then I hear about how great breast is and how breast is the only option, or donor milk, and then feel like even more of a failure.

The person who said they felt guilt over only being able to tube feed their child, think about how much more guilt those of us who tried so hard to breastfeed and couldn't feel, and then to hear how much evil formula is, just compounds it. It strikes a very, very sore nerve.

This is my last baby, my husband got the big V, there are no more babies for me to nurse. I want to cry every time I think about nursing at all.

Just something to think about. There truly is a living, breathing person on the other end of things, on both sides of the equation.


And with that, I'm out.

I do want to apologize to those of you whose feelings I hurt. It truly is a sore subject for me, but I shouldn't have made anyone feel bad about their choices either. I'm sorry.
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Old 01-31-2013, 07:07 PM   #183
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

I also wanted to point out that saying things like "of course I'm supportive of FFing if BFing will harm the baby/mom does drugs/mom is on medication/mom is an all around crappy parent" is nothing more than a backhanded way of saying "I in no way support the decision for a woman to make the decision, of her own free will, to electively formula feed." Language is a powerful thing.
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Old 01-31-2013, 07:30 PM   #184
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

I don't think the "countless benefits" of breastmilk are at all overlooked. In fact I think they are grossly overstated. Are there benefits? Absolutely. But not a single one is a guarantee of anything. Can BM increase IQ? Maybe-by like a point. Does it decrease the likelihood of obesity? Probably, but not enough to override any portion of anyone's lifestyle post booby milk. Does it decrease instances of allergies, I dunno there seem to be a lot of mamas on here with BFed babies who have a bunch of them.

Yes, the benefits are numerous. But also VERY minor.

Excepting of course any medical issues. Medical issues ALWAYS change the game.
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Old 01-31-2013, 07:43 PM   #185
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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Originally Posted by Treasures From Elf View Post
Just something to think about. There truly is a living, breathing person on the other end of things, on both sides of the equation.
we would do well to remember this always.
the internet is not a free pass to treat people with a lack of respect.

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I also wanted to point out that saying things like "of course I'm supportive of FFing if BFing will harm the baby/mom does drugs/mom is on medication/mom is an all around crappy parent" is nothing more than a backhanded way of saying "I in no way support the decision for a woman to make the decision, of her own free will, to electively formula feed." Language is a powerful thing.
exactly.
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Old 01-31-2013, 07:47 PM   #186
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

Until today I could never quite figure out why moms who ff felt the need to justify it so much. But now I'm seeing what they are seeing - there are a lot of truly mean people who completely lack compassion !!

I mostly bf but had dh give her a bottle every evening so I could go out for a bike ride. I never felt even the teeeniest bit bad about it as I gleefully skipped out of the house each evening.

I don't think I would have even felt guilt for ff exclusively except that I am cheap and it would have seemed very un-thrifty to spend $250/mo on something *I* could get for free.
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Old 01-31-2013, 07:50 PM   #187
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Originally Posted by Arabesque

I'm sorry you had such a hard time with your daughter, but your previous posts essentially do the shunning you felt from the LLL group. Women who went to formula after facing adversity while breast feeding are made to feel like they just couldn't cut it, and decided to give their child something disgusting because they chose to quit bfing. I don't want any parent to feel like they are providing "sub par" care for their child, when they're doing what is best for their family.
Exactly.
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Old 01-31-2013, 07:54 PM   #188
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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Originally Posted by Treasures From Elf View Post
Whether you intend to be judgmental or not, it comes that way to someone who truly truly tried their hardest and has guilt as a result.

I went to hell and back to nurse my daughter. It still grieves me to this day. Then I hear about how great breast is and how breast is the only option, or donor milk, and then feel like even more of a failure.

The person who said they felt guilt over only being able to tube feed their child, think about how much more guilt those of us who tried so hard to breastfeed and couldn't feel, and then to hear how much evil formula is, just compounds it. It strikes a very, very sore nerve.

This is my last baby, my husband got the big V, there are no more babies for me to nurse. I want to cry every time I think about nursing at all.

Just something to think about. There truly is a living, breathing person on the other end of things, on both sides of the equation.


And with that, I'm out.

I do want to apologize to those of you whose feelings I hurt. It truly is a sore subject for me, but I shouldn't have made anyone feel bad about their choices either. I'm sorry.
I think you summed it up perfectly. This is such an emotionally charged subject for so many of us. Sometimes the things people say on this forum can be so hurtful because they reinforce what we are thinking and feeling about ourselves. Or at least this is true in my case.
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Old 01-31-2013, 08:03 PM   #189
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we would do well to remember this always.
the internet is not a free pass to treat people with a lack of respect.
.
Truly.

Funny the responses I read from people on threads like these..and the very same people will post in other threads things like "praying for you" and I think really? Because being a loving human is important but being right is even MORE important. And the only way to prove a point is to tell another mother what she feeds her child is "disgusting" and "sub par". Some of the people in this thread need to pull the plank out of their eye.
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Old 01-31-2013, 08:13 PM   #190
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

I chose to formula feed before I gave birth, simply because.I.wanted.to. No ulterior motives, I wasn't worried about my boobs sagging, I wasn't doing drugs, going out partying, or anything like that. I just didn't WANT to breastfeed. IMO it is no one's business but mine and DH's what we chose to do with our DS, and I don't think someone needs a reason to formula feed, nor should they have to defend their decision to anyone. Wanting to is reason enough. I also don't think it is anyone's place to judge what another mother does or does not do with her child.

I do wish we were able to have more children so I could have the experience of nursing, but it didn't happen. It doesn't make me regret the choice I made with DS.
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