Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

[TwinKristi]

I know several women... high income, college educated, stable, non-drug using women from across the nation... who simply chose not to breast feed. I really have never understood the war here, but I have read it soooooo so so many times it makes my head hurt reading it all again. I think it really truly comes down to each individual and their life and support system. Women who weren't BF by their mother are less likely to BF themselves. Formula was thought to be better than breastmilk in the previous generations and its a hard myth to overcome after 2 generations of women believing it. Something like only 20% of mothers are breastfeeding at 1 year I think someone said and only 50% at 6 months? It's not like 90% of women breastfeed. Formula is very commonly used. Breast milk is making a big come back in our generation and hopefully the next will continue!

My personal story is really all over the map for feeding. My twins I truly never intended on BFing. My mom used formula with me and my sister, she was raised on formula... I never knew anything about breastmilk! But the nurse told me to just give a try and it will be better for me pain wise to at least pump and feed them bottles. They were in the nursery on tube feeds for a few days and then on bottles for a few days before being released, never really latched on for very long. I pumped like a pro and kept that up for 6 weeks or so. I knew I had to go back to high school and couldn't pump at school and deal with leaky boobs and such! Switched to formula and no guilt about it.
Prior to my 3rd I learned more and more and realized I wanted to try and BF! Having my 3rd I was fully prepared to be gung ho! But my milk just never really came in... On the 4th day he was just crying and crying after nursing for like an hour and I finally said I need to give him something! Within a few days I developed a horrible headache, was hospitalized and almost died from heart failure. I was on meds that saved my life and prevented me from BFing, not that I had any milk after such a traumatic experience.
With my 4th I was really pumped to BF, but he ended up with breastmilk jaundice and having an ignorant Ped who knew nothing about it, her specialist friend recommended I stop BFing and give formula to prevent brain damage, I could have started nursing again once it was gone but he didn't want anything to do with the boob. Obviously I did what I thought was correct and ended up switching to formula.
With my 5th I was even MORE committed! But my body wasn't. My milk supply was always an issue. One side just barely produced any milk! I was able to EBF for 4 months despite food allergies, eczema, illness... But then PPD kicked in and I took Zoloft. The first 3 days I couldn't eat, could barely stomach water! My low supply breast literally dried up overnight the 3rd day. My good side produced for a few more days, even after I could eat again but not enough to sustain him and eventually my milk went away. That did not help my PPD and guilt... It was a hard time in my life.
With #6 I had every intention of BFing but wasn't going to kill myself trying and feel horrible if I don't succeed again. I did things differently. I had a few cans of formula just in case, a few bottles, just in case... I had a good pump. I made sure I got him on my boob as soon as I could, I BF'd on demand and developed a good start. At 6wks PP I ended up having to have my gallbladder removed. That was not as simple as planned and I wasn't able to physically nurse him due to my staples and pain from tummy to tummy, couldn't lay down for a good week... It was rough but with dh's help I pumped until I could get him back on the breast. Had a 2nd surgery at 10wks PP and was able to make it without supplementing at all. He BF'd until almost 13 months and it was one of the best experiences of my life. But I've had 5 different outcomes despite my best effort.

I understand all ends of the spectrum EXCEPT being a judgmental jerk about it and belittling mothers about it even without trying.

[leyash]

got a friend who won't breastfeed because her "boobs are too sexual for her" and it's "weird."

didn't read responses. so SIA if this is said already.

[essential1892]

OMG- who cares how anyone feeds their baby.

I used to be judgmental of other moms after I had my first child- now I have three and there really isn't much that another mother could do that would even make me bat an eye.

I breastfed all three of my kids and it was just something I did- it did not define who I am or what kind of mother I am. My babies were hungry so I stuck my boob in their mouths. I could have just as easily stuck a bottle of formula in their mouths. No one should be ashamed or feel like they need to defend how they feed their babies- if someone wants to use your parenting decisions (example: not breastfeeding) to make themselves feel better then maybe, just maybe, they are not at all confident in their own parenting ability.

In ten years, when all of our kids are tweens, are we all really going to be saying "well, I breastfed little Johnny until he was 2 and so and so fed little Amy formula- I am such a better mom". I really hope not!

[mibarra]

Didn't read the replies. I have a friend who FFed her 1st. She tried a little in the hospital, but had no success, and she makes such little babies they threaten to admit them to the NICU if they lose any weight. I have 2 other friends with health issues that make childbearing much harder on them. They FF because they need to recover physically, and their DHs handle night time feedings for the first few weeks.

I FFed DD1 because she started on bottles in the NICU and wouldn't take the breast. She was growing and happy and I didn't want the stress of pushing the issue.

I BFed DD2. It was just something I did. She needed a nipple shield at first, and it was never this awesome beautiful bonding experience for me. I was glad when she mostly self weaned at 13 months.

Honestly, if we could afford it, Id seriously consider FFing my next one due in April. I do NOT function well with sleep deprivation, and DD2s first 8-10 weeks were a nightmare for me.

I encourage all moms to give BFing a fair chance, but it's their kid, their choice.

[dncegrl]

I tried to bf ds1 but didn't really know much about it and I would sit there just bawling while he tried to feed. Then I got mastitis and was back in the hospital because I had no clue what it was. I gave up and he had formula.
I did bf ds2 for almost 8 months. I loved it and felt more closely bonded to him. We used a mipple shield because it hurt so much at first (turns out I don't handle pain well at all and he was latched correctly). I stopped because my supply started dwindling and was sick of taking fenugreek and drinking mothers milk tea. I also worked a ton and had no time to pump at work. I was given no extra break time and had to run across my workplace to the pumping room to get the most of my time. Then I started getting sick a lot. My immune system wasn't working for me which is bad in a call center environment. I also pumped in the car to and from work, to and from the babysitters. I was attached to that pump. Finally made the decision to stop but was so happy for how ling we made it.

[You Tell 'Em]

I haven't read the responses but I remember when I was pregnant with my first, I was in the kitchen with my step-mom and her best friend and her friend told me, "it's okay if you don't want to breastfeed at all." She then went on to tell me that she never did. My step-mom did breastfeed her oldest and I'm assuming her youngest too (not sure how long, and I do know the younger one got formula at some point since I remember helping make the bottles for the younger one). I can tell you that I had made up my mind before then that I *was* going to breastfeed, so her response had no impact on me at all.

Due to not being educated about growth spurts and not having the support (or lack of seeking it out) I did give DD#1 formula around 4ish weeks old but did FF and BF until 8 months then switched 100% to formula. With DD#2 though, she's been breastfed since birth (no formula EVER) and self-weaned 2 months ago due to my milk drying up... and I plan to EBF this baby (due next week) and *hopefully* tandem with DD#2.

[thoennes6]

My sister didn't want to breastfeed. Her reason "It's gross". She would make rude comments to me about breastfeding my kids. To each their own I guess.

[GreyMum]

I have to wonder what all the EBF moms feed their kids after they wean. I mean this EBF business is sooo important to many moms, and then their kids wind up eating processed junk for the rest of their lives. How many moms who ebf'd their kids now feed them hot dogs, pop tarts, food dyes, fruit that gets sucked out of a plastic pouch and canned soup, lol! Judge not, y'all! Someone mentioned that some formulas have GMOs. Uhm, hello (and I realize that poster is from Europe and her country may have higher food standards), but good luck maintaining a GMO free diet in the US. Not gonna happen.

So, yeah, I used to get all stirred up about this topic, but no longer. Cheers!

[jen_batten]

I only know one mom who decided in advance that she would not breastfeed. She said it was weird. I am not judging those who have used formula but I do think we need more breastfeeding awareness and education. I think sometimes because people don't see it all the time like you do formula commercials they think that it's not normal. Bottle feeding is very indoctrinated into our culture....you can find TONS of children's books with bottles, but a very few rare ones with breastfeeding. You see nurses scrubs with bottles but if yet to see one that has boobs. I think there needs to be a normalization of breastfeeding in America because it *is* the most normal, natural way to feed and infant. That's not to say we should belittle those that can't or won't breastfeed, but I really think culture is to blame in a lot of instances.

[imjustjessa]

I work with a lady who knew in advance that she didn't want to breast feed. Her reason was that it was "gross, and not [her] thing". I didn't understand it when she told me, and still don't understand it now, but /shrug - to each their own.