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Old 02-01-2013, 01:26 PM   #131
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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I thought international adoption was an emotional roller coaster but sheesh! You foster Momma's are my hero!

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Old 02-01-2013, 01:29 PM   #132
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

Sounds like everyone has a lot going on, process wise! I understand wanting to know every little detail in how things are progressing so it's not a surprise, but yet wanting to NOT know to avoid some of the roller coaster effect. It's a tough ride for sure. Having your family give the I-told-you-so attitude certainly doesn't help...hard to remember that it's an emotional ride for our extended families too, and it's one they didn't even sign up for.

I--does BM know when she's actually due? Why does "in the next 2 or 3 months" matter? Do they think she could have her act together enough by then? I wonder if grandma can pass a background check. Did she even know about J from the beginning? That's a long time not to come forward if she did, wonder what the judge would think of that. I understand how the cribs and carseats are a big deal emotionally--we had our first DFD 15 months then we were told she was coming back and I ran out and bought these two highchairs for her and DD (lost both our old highchairs in the weeks before this) and then DFD did not come back and we've never seen her again. Somehow, seeing both those new highchairs together still upsets me, especially when one is empty.

Dalynn, that is so sad that the mom's wishes just don't count. And that the aunt doesn't choose to respect mom's wishes. But sad for the family at the same time to lose what they must feel is the last bit of the mom left.
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Old 02-01-2013, 01:29 PM   #133
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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Old 02-01-2013, 01:50 PM   #134
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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newmommy
I thought international adoption was an emotional roller coaster but sheesh! You foster Momma's are my hero!
none of it is easy!

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Originally Posted by zeotwoski View Post
Sounds like everyone has a lot going on, process wise! I understand wanting to know every little detail in how things are progressing so it's not a surprise, but yet wanting to NOT know to avoid some of the roller coaster effect. It's a tough ride for sure. Having your family give the I-told-you-so attitude certainly doesn't help...hard to remember that it's an emotional ride for our extended families too, and it's one they didn't even sign up for.

I--does BM know when she's actually due? Why does "in the next 2 or 3 months" matter? Do they think she could have her act together enough by then? I wonder if grandma can pass a background check. Did she even know about J from the beginning? That's a long time not to come forward if she did, wonder what the judge would think of that. I understand how the cribs and carseats are a big deal emotionally--we had our first DFD 15 months then we were told she was coming back and I ran out and bought these two highchairs for her and DD (lost both our old highchairs in the weeks before this) and then DFD did not come back and we've never seen her again. Somehow, seeing both those new highchairs together still upsets me, especially when one is empty.

Dalynn, that is so sad that the mom's wishes just don't count. And that the aunt doesn't choose to respect mom's wishes. But sad for the family at the same time to lose what they must feel is the last bit of the mom left.
i should try to be sweeter to my mom she is very upset by all of this. her and my dad have fallen in love with J and it will be hard for them to lose him as well. thanks for pointing that out!

i believe grandma has known about them because the SW had mentioned her as being not suitable since her first home visit. she has only been coming to visits since christmas though so i wonder what changed then? other than court is coming up. maybe she didn't know about the twins until then? i think she will pass a background check just based on my quick search of our court system. the things that came up wouldn't prevent family from getting kids i don't think, but what worries me is when dad comes home from jail (for beating mom so badly in hopes that she would miscarry J btw. ) what happens when this violent criminal is in the home? also from my mad googling skillz grandpa was/is in the pen for what i don't know but if he is out and living with grandma that is not cool. i don't want him around people like that. whats to prevent his dad from losing it and beating the hell out of the kids one day?!

i decided i'm getting the car seats. my infant seat expires this year and i wanted one of these to replace it. the foster mom who has them for sale is a friend of a friend so i trust her and she is giving me a great deal. my other friend will buy the other seat from me if we don't get the twins. it will probably still be the "twins car seat" to me though.

i was feeling pretty good but now the thought of them living under the same roof with their father has me ill again.
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Old 02-01-2013, 01:58 PM   #135
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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thanks for the support ladies. no one gets it. my husband talked me down a little, i'm feeling much better. trying to stay zen about it. i have no choice in the matter, everything happens for a reason, we are doing a good thing for the family and for J now even if he leaves our job will have been done. its not about ME!

the SW is very careful to NEVER use an absolute statement. its always maybe, possibly, could be etc. which of course is as it is in foster care. i told her i want to be in the loop but i think it is hard to not know. it would be harsh to just get a call that he was going to get picked up out of the blue too though. she said that grandma is just pursuing the license not that she has been approved but actually that she may not be approved. she also said "as of today as i write this email we have no plans to move the children" but that kind of means like well tomorrow we could give you a call and pick him up and thats that. it happened with our last placement she was gone in an hour.

she has previously said that grandmas home is not an option and now she is allowing her to pursue a license. so something must have changed. i know they are super lenient with family. i don't know what to think. i fought so hard to develop a bond with this kiddo. i've made plans in my head for what our family will look like this summer and next year...dangerous business.

dalynn i really can't imagine how you must feel being supportive of this aunt! you are a better person than me thats for sure. i am selfish, i want to keep J even if i know that he would be better with his family, if its safe with grandma which is a big if. i would feel much better about them going back to his mom. dad is a violent criminal and i worry about what happens when he gets out of jail, i'm assuming he's going to go back to his moms house.

i'm so glad caleb is doing well with GF/CF diet! when i was doing autism therapy one of my parents did GF/CF with her kiddo and everyone thought she was loony toons and now we are hearing so much about the benefits! she was just ahead of her time i guess! that is a really tough age anyway, to have to deal with additional issues must be very challenging. you have my utmost respect!
This almost made me lol. That statement pretty much defines our roller coaster ride in the foster care world. My husband talks me down....sometimes daily. Ah, so nice to know people who "get it".
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Old 02-01-2013, 04:11 PM   #136
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

You guys are lucky your husbands can talk you down! Mine doesn't get it. Well, he does as he was very affected and upset when our first left suddenly. However, when I get upset about whatever new info is out there, he gets annoyed and has the you can't get so attached attitude. He doesn't know how else to deal though. I know if our current baby leaves, it will kill him as much as it does me. Luckily, I have my mom to talk me down. She's been through all this crap so she really, truly gets it.
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Old 02-01-2013, 04:46 PM   #137
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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You guys are lucky your husbands can talk you down! Mine doesn't get it. Well, he does as he was very affected and upset when our first left suddenly. However, when I get upset about whatever new info is out there, he gets annoyed and has the you can't get so attached attitude. He doesn't know how else to deal though. I know if our current baby leaves, it will kill him as much as it does me. Luckily, I have my mom to talk me down. She's been through all this crap so she really, truly gets it.
i'm worried that my husband won't make it through a few of these hard ones. he is ok for a while but after this long he is starting to really get attached. especially since dfs follows him around like a puppy dog. daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy lol all day long!
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Old 02-01-2013, 06:38 PM   #138
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

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You guys are lucky your husbands can talk you down! Mine doesn't get it. Well, he does as he was very affected and upset when our first left suddenly. However, when I get upset about whatever new info is out there, he gets annoyed and has the you can't get so attached attitude. He doesn't know how else to deal though. I know if our current baby leaves, it will kill him as much as it does me. Luckily, I have my mom to talk me down. She's been through all this crap so she really, truly gets it.
Mine doesn't even try to talk me down. He gets worked up because I am upset. He wants me to be happy so he pretty much either gets mad or shuts down if i carry on to much. Luckily I have a good friend who fosters too. Between this forum and her it is pretty much my only source to talk it all out. I have learned the hard way who I can talk too.
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Old 02-01-2013, 07:03 PM   #139
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Re: January 2013 Chat Thread

Yes, that's exactly what mine does! Gets mad or shuts down because he doesn't like me being so upset by this. I don't tell him everything anymore. Anything important or humorous, but that's it. My mom is still a licensed foster parent so I feel safe in telling her everything. I also have a close fostering friend in another state who started this journey at the same time as me. Love her.
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Old 02-02-2013, 08:15 AM   #140
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Yes my husband wants to "fix" me when I'm upset and no one can really fix it. So funny the daddies react the same.
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