Living together before marriage. Yay or nay?

[bonusround]

Originally Posted by Samandy Yay. I think living together first is almost always a good idea.

[Jenn135]

Have you let him know it is something that is important to you and something you expect in the future? I would be blunt and let him know how you feel and then decide. If he knows it is important to you he should honor that.

[TrennaII]

Statistics show that in America, couples who live together before getting married tend to break up, EXCEPT when they are engaged when they move in.

But at this point you're in a very tricky situation: If it's a tit for tat, he can easily agree to marry you so you'll move in, and then never follow through.

What about just telling him, "No thank you, I'm not ready", and leave it at that for now, and don't mention "if we were engaged". I realize it's difficult to face the idea of living on your own with a newborn, when you have the option of having more hands around (I was there once too, it's EXTREMELY difficult). Say, give him the month of February to see what happens if you say no thanks? You could still decide to move in with him in March?

[JustSomeChickVee]

If you don't want to, then don't.

For me, I wouldn't want to marry someone without having lived with them first. It's like a test drive.

[mommajewels]

Do what makes you comfortable. No one way is right for every couple, and what's meant to be... will be.

My Dh and I had the odds stacked against us, I guess you could say. Considering the fact I was only 15 when we got together, and I moved in with him (in our own home, he is a few years older than I am.) within a few months. We lived together for 2 years before we decided to get married and start a family. Almost 11 years and 6 children later, we're still going strong and neither of us have ever regretted our decisions.

[Dancingham]

Originally Posted by beccatown The statistics for divorce are higher amongst those who co-habitate before marriage compared to those who don't.

I would say that this has more to do with the fact that they aren't sleeping together before marriage, not just co-habitating vs. not co-habitating. I am a conservative Christian who waited until marriage (as did my husband) to sleep together. We didn't even kiss for the first time until we got engaged. He did live with my family for about half a year while sitting out of college for a semester, but he stayed in my brother's room, not mine.

So, basically, in my opinion, if you're already sleeping together, which is evidenced by the fact that you are expecting, then I see no difference with you moving in together. But, if you're having doubts, or doing it just for convenience, or because of the baby, and aren't sure about the long-term, and want some sort of commitment, I definitely agree with others that you shouldn't do it just yet, and that these are things that need to be discussed between the two of you.

Oh, and while it is true that the divorce rate in the church in just as high as those who aren't, I feel that this has more to do with letting distractions/circumstances affect the couple's relationship with Christ and each other. Divorce can sometimes seem like an easy way out compared to truly committing to a relationship with Christ, each other, and the family that you two have become.
As someone else said, sorry if I sound preachy, this is all my opinion.

[mommyto3beautifulbabes]

I think that living together first is a good idea. I have been married & divorced twice. The first time I cohabitated & felt pressure from everyone b/c of DS. If I had it to do over again I would have just lived with him & never gotten married. The second time I didn't cohabitate & we couldn't be happy living together. SO & I bought a house together 5 yrs ago when I was preggo with DD1 & we are still happy. We have still not gotten married but I finally would. It's not a big deal to me as I know we'll be together either way.

My issues in the past were that I looked at marriage as a way to be with someone forever. That level of commitment can't magically fix problems so I've found for me knowing that someone is always going to be there means more than the piece of paper!

[viluc]

I think living together is a great idea, you get to know that person better. I got to learn many things from my husband before we got married. But it took us 5 years to decide to get married, and for us since we been together for a while we just decided to get the piece of paper.

[zoekate12]

My husband and I lived together for about 3 years before getting married. I think living together helped us to get to know each other. At first, the differences seemed catastrophic but after a while we learned to live abc compromise. We have been married nearly 3 years and it has been pure bliss.

[MamaNae]

If you feel uncomfortable with it for whatever reason DON'T do it.