How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

[MyKylie]

Originally Posted by Kiliki This. Tell your sister you need to think about it. Then sit for 5 minutes and think about it, Then call the nanny do whatever you have to do to hire her. Fill out the paperwork, etc. Then call your sister and say, "Ya know sis, Thanks SO MUCH for offering to let your DH watch my kids. It means so much to me! But I already did the paperwork and hired the Nanny and at this point I have a contract with her. Plus, I think it will work out better for us both to not mix business and family... that can sometimes be disastrous, ya know? But, man, oh man, you guys are just so great for even offering. I love you guys so much! It means a whole lot to me that you would even offer that! ... Our new nanny starts next week. I like her so much.... BLAH BLAH BLAH" Just don't even give her a chance to say "WHAT?! WHY!?" etc. Just keep talking and stay upbeat and quickly change the subject to something else she can comment on. Keep the convo flowing, and it will just go right on by. If she brings it up later, just stay positive, and repeat how THANKFUL you are that she is such a nice person to even think of you, gosh you are just so grateful to have such an awesome sister, but it just would not have been for the best.... and again, change the subject.

I like the underlined...I would say that too.

[proudsahmof4]

I agree with pp about mentioning the "not mixing family and business" part of it. I would also tell her that you want someone that is a child care professional and that's why you've decided to pay the amount that you've indicated. Not to mention, that if things should change in your household you don't want to be responsible for making a financial impact on their lives.

The whole situation is full of land mines - but better for her to be a little bit irritated with you now than ruining the entire relationship in six months.

[Huxley]

I cannot believe they'd expect you to pay him as much as you would pay a nanny. Are they crazy? I didn't want to make a rude comment, but really?

[poohbear1208]

Originally Posted by myoo Tell her that you are so appreciative of her offer and have given it a lot of thought, but think it is not the best idea to mix business and famiy by hiring a family member as your nanny. Say that others you have talked to have warned that it can put a strain on the family relationships if any isses were to arise with the care of the children, and you love her and her husband so much that you don't want to risk that happening. Reiterate how it was so so nice of her husband to be willing to do it.

Exactly this. Mixing business with family is never a good idea. We learned that the hard way using a close family friend as our realtor You shouldn't need any other explanation than that. It's truthful without being hurtful.......

[poohbear1208]

And the going rate around here for a nanny is $10-$15 depending on experience. Childcare in the providers home is always cheaper, but that's different than a nanny whom will be in your home

[Sarai*]

Echo not mixing family and business, and you wouldn't feel comfortable giving directions/expectations to a family member the same way you would an employee. You want your BIL as an equal, not someone you set job performance expectations for. It would strain a relationship if you couldn't give him honest feedback, or something along those lines.

Plus, as PP have pointed out, you want a provider who wants to be a child care provider, and be with you long term, not someone doing it until they can find another job.