Is this punishment enough? UPDATE 111

[kimb96]

He's almost 9. I feel like I really need to do a harsh punishment because he has been lying so much. I've been catching him in lies almost every day. He's writing 100 sentences because last time he only had to do 50 and he doesn't seem to be getting it.

I don't want him to sign my initials. Ever. If I looked at it and forgot to sign, I would feel bad. But I didn't see his planner because he forgot to bring it home. He would have lost 2 character counters and he would not have been able to attend the vacation party. I feel like he is old enough to be responsible for bringing home his planner daily and if he forgets, he should suffer the consequences ie not attend the reward party at the end of the week. I know he did it because he would not have been able to attend the party.

I am really surprised that some folks wouldn't punish at all. I feel like I'm being easy on him.

[Fashionably Green Baby]

Originally Posted by kimb96 He's almost 9. I feel like I really need to do a harsh punishment because he has been lying so much. I've been catching him in lies almost every day. He's writing 100 sentences because last time he only had to do 50 and he doesn't seem to be getting it. I don't want him to sign my initials. Ever. If I looked at it and forgot to sign, I would feel bad. But I didn't see his planner because he forgot to bring it home. He would have lost 2 character counters and he would not have been able to attend the vacation party. I feel like he is old enough to be responsible for bringing home his planner daily and if he forgets, he should suffer the consequences ie not attend the reward party at the end of the week. I know he did it because he would not have been able to attend the party. I am really surprised that some folks wouldn't punish at all. I feel like I'm being easy on him.

Yep at that age I think you are on target. I absolutely would have taken away the sleepover.

[danner]

I see my job as trying to help my kid make good choices. So the consequence of his "choice" not to bring home his book is that he loses the character points (and whatever goes along with that). The consequence of his lying, or forging your initials should be something else, along the lines of losing a privelege. I don't think he needs to be punished for the lying more than once. I would continue to reinforce the idea of good and bad choices, too. Especially if you're really angry - in our anger sometimes we characterize children themselves as being good or bad, when it's actually their actions.

eta saw his age, and while I don't have a 9 year old, yeah I know he'd be hurting and licking his wounds all night in my house.

[kimb96]

Originally Posted by danner I see my job as trying to help my kid make good choices. So the consequence of his "choice" not to bring home his book is that he loses the character points (and whatever goes along with that). The consequence of his lying, or forging your initials should be something else, along the lines of losing a privelege. I don't think he needs to be punished for the lying more than once. I would continue to reinforce the idea of good and bad choices, too. Especially if you're really angry - in our anger sometimes we characterize children themselves as being good or bad, when it's actually their actions. eta saw his age, and while I don't have a 9 year old, yeah I know he'd be hurting and licking his wounds all night in my house.

I haven't lost my cool...yet. I came in the other room to visit here and give myself a time out. What pushed me over the edge was his whining that I ruined his evening. I'm like no, you ruined your evening. It's not my fault you did this but as your parent, I cannot let you get away with it. I told him to knock it off or he would write another 100 sentences about not back talking and he has been quiet since.

He is losing his sleepover and doing the sentences for the forgery. I will contact his teacher about whatever punishment she feels is necessary. At the very least, he should lose the character counters next week that he would have lost today. They start out the week with 10 character counters so he can still attend next week's party if he loses the two he should have lost today and keeps his behavior in check the rest of the week. He goes to a Christian school and the standards for behavior are quite high.

Oh sweet 8 lb baby Jesus. He just asked me to rub his hand because it hurts from writing all the sentences.

[nana2peach]

I could have written this word for word with my second son... Over and over I was punishing him for the same thing... His dad gave him worse punishments... He would do the 100 sentences for me, then his dad would make him do them again while on his knees... My X was abusive... I hated the way he punished only DS2, not DS1, not DD... I would feel so bad that I started not punishing DS2 so that he didn't get punished twice... Then I started taking pity on son and hiding things from his dad..

Wanna know the results of said son... I had him put in jail for stealing my pain meds to get high. He was in jail for 7 weeks... You want to talk pain, look at your 16 yr old behind bars...
Wanna know results today... I'm raising his daughter...

Do I think your son will turn to drugs... NO, but every child has to know there are consequences to every action...

My opinion, I think the punishment fits the "crime", just don't give out... It may seem hard to deal with the lying, stealing, etc, but it is a whole lot easier to deal with them at this age that to see your child behind bars or to see him stoned out of his mind...

PS... I did divorce his dad.

Good luck, mama, and never give up...

[Tris]

Originally Posted by kimb96 He's almost 9. I feel like I really need to do a harsh punishment because he has been lying so much. I've been catching him in lies almost every day. He's writing 100 sentences because last time he only had to do 50 and he doesn't seem to be getting it. I don't want him to sign my initials. Ever. If I looked at it and forgot to sign, I would feel bad. But I didn't see his planner because he forgot to bring it home. He would have lost 2 character counters and he would not have been able to attend the vacation party. I feel like he is old enough to be responsible for bringing home his planner daily and if he forgets, he should suffer the consequences ie not attend the reward party at the end of the week. I know he did it because he would not have been able to attend the party. I am really surprised that some folks wouldn't punish at all. I feel like I'm being easy on him.

Have you ever forgotten something as an adult?
Obviously lying needs to be addressed, and its just an awful stage that they work through eventually, but the punishment I think would be most effective to prove the point would be to go with him before class or after and have him explain to his teacher, in front of you, what he did. He'll lose his points and not get the party, and that seems like a good consequence for lying.
I wouldn't punish him for forgetting something, it would be hypocritical. My mom always trusted me to sign stuff if I needed too, and I was always honest with her about what I was signing.

[danner]

Originally Posted by kimb96 Oh sweet 8 lb baby Jesus. He just asked me to rub his hand because it hurts from writing all the sentences.

Oh my, a bit dramatic, huh?

The standards in my house are high too. I give my daughter no quarter, and she's 4. She is able to conduct herself to our standards 95% of the time. I receive compliments on her behavior constantly. You are doing the right thing.

[megs715]

Originally Posted by kimb96 Oh sweet 8 lb baby Jesus. He just asked me to rub his hand because it hurts from writing all the sentences.

Ohh, I'd be so mad! Lying is a big offense in this house as well and I think you did great. I have to tell you though, since this is your house, the quoted part, made me LOL! It would have made me angry at the time, but so, so funny to read! I hope your evening gets better!

[syfitz]

I think the punishment was perfect. I would be angry about the forgery/lie and sentences and a missed sleep over is appropriate. His teacher can address the points after he tells her (I would require my kid to tell the teacher himself) what he did.

[Belle]

Originally Posted by Tris Have you ever forgotten something as an adult? Obviously lying needs to be addressed, and its just an awful stage that they work through eventually, but the punishment I think would be most effective to prove the point would be to go with him before class or after and have him explain to his teacher, in front of you, what he did. He'll lose his points and not get the party, and that seems like a good consequence for lying. I wouldn't punish him for forgetting something, it would be hypocritical. My mom always trusted me to sign stuff if I needed too, and I was always honest with her about what I was signing.

Yes, but as an adult, if I forget something important, there are consequences too. So if I forgot my badge to get into work I'd be late for work and get written up or whatever.

Now suspend disbelief for a second, pretend I lost my badge and then faked one or used someone else's to avoid the consequences of forgetting my badge. In my line of work that would be a huge security violation and have much bigger consequences than just being late. I could have gotten fired and prosecuted for something like that. I agree that losing the party is a good consequence for forgetting the binder, but I think the bigger issue is the forgery and it is a separate offense. If the OP's son had an understanding with his mom that he could sign stuff for her with her permission that would be different. But he forged her initials in order to avoid the consequences of forgetting the binder. He lied in order to get what he wanted and that is an integrity/character issue.