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Old 02-12-2013, 10:41 AM   #11
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Re: Self Soothe?

Originally Posted by GreyMum View Post
If she takes a nap, when does it usually end?

We have hard time getting our DD (2 yrs) to sleep if she naps later than 4. Ideally, her nap would end at 3, but we have to work on getting that moved back.
It usually ends around 2:30 p.m. but I never let her sleep past 3:30 p.m.

Originally Posted by canadianbakers View Post
I don't have much advice about the naps - Levi still naps while cuddling with me or laying on me. Since I've had 2 pregnancies with him doing this, I don't actually mind it that much - it forces me to sit down and relax for a couple hours every afternoon.

For bedtime, I used to have to nurse and cuddle him until he was really asleep (like sleeping in my arms for a good 20-30 minutes), then carefully lay him down. If he stirred and woke, I did it all over again. That was really getting old!
Through my first trimesters, I get extremely exhausted, having to get to bed before the kids usually, definitely by 8pm. When I was pregnant with Elli (so Levi would have been 16-17 months old) I was just too tired by that point to do the whole nursing-cuddling-waiting for deep sleep-laying him down routine. So, I started getting him all ready for bed, then taking him into our room and nursing him while lying in bed - as long as he laid still and quiet, I let him cuddle in bed with me, as soon as he started squirming or whatnot, I gave him a hug and kiss and put him in his crib (a couple feet from our bed), then I laid back down to go to sleep myself.
He didn't like that at first, not surprisingly, but because I was right there in bed, he wasn't scared, just ticked off that I wouldn't pick him back up. I would "shh" him and tell him to lay down, I was right there, etc. After a couple weeks, he started just laying down and going right to sleep once he saw me get in bed.
By the time the first trimester exhaustion was over for me, he was used to this, so we went to a story, a few minutes rocking in the chair in our room, and just laying him in bed. No problems now.

Like I said though, naps are still a cuddletime!
As for the nursing, when I got to that "touched out" point I would just tell them that they couldn't nurse right then and would have to wait a bit - usually trying to find a "time" to give them (not actual time, but some activity or something after which they could nurse, kwim?). Definitely offer water to drink, snacks, stories, cuddles - everything except actually nursing. She's definitely old enough to understand that she has to wait a bit, and that there are other options - she won't like it, but she can understand it, lol.
It's relieving to know someone else has survived! That is our exact routine. We won't be able to follow suit as we don't have a crib or pack n play or anything to "contain" her, just our bed and a toddler bed.

I've been pretty much touched out since she turned one. I do try to offer alternatives or tell her after so and so activity, but if she is really adamant she works herself into hysterics to the point that she's hyperventilating. That's really the only reason why I'll give in because it's the only way to calm her down, unfortunately. It breaks my heart and frustrates me at the same time

Originally Posted by luvsgreen View Post
I found this, and I am going to give it a try. I have much of the same situation with my 19 month old. I would ask when do you get up in the morning and when does she sleep for a nap? Try not to let her nap too long, that messes it up for me at bed time. Wish you all the best. It is exhausting I know!!!
I have read that article and put it to use. She is already night weaned and stops nursing around 9 or 9:30 pm and doesn't nurse again until about 5:30 or 6 am. All of these nursing sessions happen during the day time, that's why I'm so exhausted and touched out with nursing. She does wake up a few times during the night, but I don't nurse her back to sleep.

Good questions about times! She wakes up anywhere between 5:30 a.m. and 7:30 a.m., naps start between 12 p.m. and 1:30 p.m. and end anywhere between 2 p.m. and 3:30 p.m., I don't let her nap past 3:30 p.m., bedtime routine starts about 7:30 p.m. and actually in bed by 8 p.m. She usually naps 1-2 hours, she's never napped more than 2 hours and almost always wakes up in the middle of her nap and I have to go nurse her back to sleep. If I try anything other than nursing then she won't go back to sleep.

Thank you all so much for the advice and happy wishes!


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Last edited by FriedaT; 02-12-2013 at 10:45 AM.
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Old 02-12-2013, 11:21 AM   #12
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Re: Self Soothe?

Since you have a toddler bed, I would use that like we did with the crib - cuddle her or nurse in your bed, if/when she gets moving around (likely to keep from falling asleep) give her a hug and kiss and move her to her own bed. Then lay back in your own bed and tell her you'll stay right there, you're going night-night too.
The only thing is that she'll definitely get up and out of her bed, because she can! Just get up and put her back in, lay back down yourself. I wouldn't interact or talk much to her, just tell her to lay down, it's night-night time. If she persists for longer than a few days with getting up, or if she keeps it up for a long while, I would tell her that if she doesn't stay in her bed you have to leave the room. You can be there, laying in your bed, as long as she'll lay in her bed.
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Old 02-12-2013, 11:22 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by juliasmom
At that age, she understand a lot and you may be able to reason with her. We moved DD1 to a twin bed. I would suit in a glider in the dark room until she fell asleep in her bed. I told her I would only stay in her room if she stayed laying down in her bed. I would remind her to lay down and close her eyes, but not talk with her. It worked for us. I also had a cd player with lullabys in her room.
This is what I do. My LO is in a toddler bed. I read to her and turn on her night light toy. I lay down on the floor next to her and tell she needs to be quiet or I will leave. If she starts getting "busy" I give her a warning and then leave the room if she doesn't settle down. If she cries after I leave I wait a few minutes and start again. I have a chair in her room too and some times sit there instead of the floor.

Last edited by AniMommy; 02-12-2013 at 11:25 AM.
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Old 02-14-2013, 01:57 PM   #14
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Re: Self Soothe?

Originally Posted by AniMommy View Post
This is what I do. My LO is in a toddler bed. I read to her and turn on her night light toy. I lay down on the floor next to her and tell she needs to be quiet or I will leave. If she starts getting "busy" I give her a warning and then leave the room if she doesn't settle down. If she cries after I leave I wait a few minutes and start again. I have a chair in her room too and some times sit there instead of the floor.
this is exactly what we do too and its the only thing that works. only I lay in his toddler bed with him, its kinda a tight squeeze.
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Old 02-15-2013, 04:16 PM   #15
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Re: Self Soothe?

there is a lot of flexibility in your daily routine and it sounds like every bedtime time/nap time idea you have tried, you always gave up if she didnt like it. I wouldnt start any other ideas until you know for sure that you are committed to sticking to it. at this point, she is smart enough to know that tantrums and hysterics mean that mommy gives in. I think that is the main problem here. I would also tighten up your daily routine and give only a 30 minute wiggle room. If she is not up by the time the window is ending, wake her up. Start mealtimes where your nursings are scheduled. if its not time to nurse, she has to wait and if she cries and carries on for 45 minutes till lunch, thats just her showing her feelings. It doesnt mean there is anything wrong with sticking to a routine. She's not an infant. It is age appropriate to have a daily routine and meal times.

I think the main thing is that you need to get used to telling your daughter no, even if she doesnt like it. She sounds very smart. She will get the new routine if you stick to it. I would be prepared to a rough few weeks but I really think that things will be better after that.

You are welcome to disregard my advice. I know a lot of parents feel very uncomfortable setting a routine/schedule to their day as they do setting limits and remaining firm if their child cries. But I have taken care of a lot of kids with my daycare and have 4 kids of my own. I think a daily routine benefits the entire family and some kids need it a lot more than others. It sounds like she spends a good part of the day crying or struggling so I would imagine that she would really benefit from a routine.

Last edited by doodah; 02-15-2013 at 04:18 PM.
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Old 02-15-2013, 09:20 PM   #16
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My dd is the exact same way, except she's 21 months and we just got her nursing less in the day but she's back up every 2 hours at night again. And I'm 7 weeks pregnant :/ oh how differently I plan on doing things with the next babe.
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Old 02-15-2013, 10:50 PM   #17
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It sounds like she's pretty much running the show right now, and that isn't working for you. It's hard (especially with your first) to switch from baby mode (demand feeding, doing whatever the baby needs/wants, etc) to toddler/young child mode where she needs to learn that mommy is in charge and wants what is best for the whole family.

Don't feel guilty setting boundaries. Boundaries for when you are comfortable nursing. Boundaries for how bedtime needs to function. Boundaries for what behavior is acceptable.

Let her know before bedtime what the new routine will be (however you decide to set it up). Talk about it throughout the day and then stick to it that night and over the next week or two as she adjusts. Same with nursing. Let her know ahead of time that you will only be nursing at whatever times you choose (for us that was upon waking and before sleep) and then stick with it.
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